Advice Needed


What does it mean when after you have sex with a guy and are in the process of getting him hard again he falls asleep? I recently had sex with this guy that I've known for a while and after we were done I was trying to get him hard again, he asked if I've ever given a blow job before and I said no, then within 20 minutes he was out like a light. Needless to say there was no round 2. Some background info on myself he was my 2nd partner. My ex and I had been together for over 6 months and let just say he was the type to get in, get off, get out. He did text me the next morning to say sorry he fell asleep. I texted back no worries. Should I say something about the blow job or my lack of experience? Do I take it as there will be no future hookups with us? This guy is hard to figure out, he doesn't seem to say a whole lot after things like this happen. What do I do?  
Jul 14, 2013 @ 10:44 pm

6 Replies


It is ok.

It is completely normal for a man to want to sleep after having sex. To a man it is not just pleasure, but a form or relaxation. Having sex soon after finishing the first round may make it difficult for the male to achieve another erection right away. It will take longer on the physical side not to mention the male is now very relaxed and satisfied.It also may be embarrassing him that he cannot "get it up" again and avoids the issue by sleeping. This is a very sensitive thing for a man. Bring these points up with your new guy and it might surprise him you understand! Sex is natural and the body's reaction afterward is quite normal too. Some men just like to roll over and sleep after because it was so satisfying. Take it as a compliment, good job!


Jul 15, 2013 @ 06:53 pm

I wouldn't worry.

Like julzrulz said, it's normal for a guy to feel relaxed and want to sleep after sex. Every guy is different in his 'recuperation time' as well...I've had some guys who can ejaculate then get hard again instantly, and I've had other guys who need at least a few hours before they can go again.

In all honesty, I bet he feels really embarrassed that he fell asleep. Even if he wanted to see you again, he's probably pretty mortified that he passed out while you were going down on him, especially if it was your first time having sex. He probably feels emasculated that he couldn't please you a second time around! It's great that he apologized for falling asleep, and if you're interested in seeing him again I think you should text him and ask to hang out again. If he's into you, he'll respond.

And as for lack of experience, there's only one way to get better! If he's a good guy he'll walk you through it, so don't stress it. Sex is awkward sometimes, you just have to laugh it off and move forward.
Jul 15, 2013 @ 09:18 pm

Don't worry!

I agree with the other two, I think falling asleep isn't a worry. He was tired afterwards, it happens! As far as the oral sex goes, I don't think you should feel bad or ashamed in any way for "lack of experience". You should only ever do something you want to do and feel comfortable doing. If your partner doesn't understand this, then you need to not be with them. As far as other hookups go, I think you need to ask yourself how it was for YOU not just for him. Don't simply concern yourself with his needs, think about yourself. Don't be too worried about future hookups with this guy, believe me, there are sooo many other people out there and so many other opportunities. I think just let it happen naturally, if it happens, it happens but don't lose sight of what's important- you.
Jul 16, 2013 @ 10:43 am


Thanks ladies for all your point of views it's helped to put this incident into perspective.
Jul 16, 2013 @ 10:57 pm

agree with what others have said

Many guys are not able to go for round 2 so quickly, especially if round 1 was rather energetic. Falling asleep afterward is also very normal.

I also agree that he's probably feeling awkward for falling asleep and his minimal communication on that point may be due to his own embarrassment. Don't read anything into it just yet.

As for future hookups, just be true to what you need. If all you want is a FWB relationship, that's your call and just make sure you protect both your body (i.e. condoms) and your heart. Lots of people get into FWB and end up with unrequited feelings.

If you are interested in a relationship with this guy, I would take it easy with the sex. Giving him sex without any commitment will not give him any incentive to be exclusive with you. I'm not saying you can't sleep together if that's what you want, only my encouragement to you that you put your needs at least as high priority as his.
Jul 17, 2013 @ 09:19 am

Good Point

The whole FWB thing never even crossed my mind and it should have. That's not what I'm looking for at all. I've had friends with those types of relationships and DO NOT want to go down that road at all. Thank you mamaluv for bring up that point that I lost sight of.

I guess it boils down to being stuck at a crossroads.....I can see myself in a relationship with this guy, but I don't think he wants that. He's been tied down in the past and I think he's enjoying his freedom now. He's so frustrating seems like he says one thing and then does something completely different. I guess the best thing to do is just step back for a bit and see what happens.
Jul 17, 2013 @ 11:04 pm

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