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Am I wrong? Is this normal?


Okay so I am really stuck on this issue and I really don't know what I should do. My boyfriend and I have been dating since March and we have a long distance relationship.

Recently my boyfriend and I got into a huge fight, he brought up how he wanted to have an open relationship. I wanted to know his real thought on the subject so I lied, I told him I was fine with it. So he then asked me how that would work. He wanted for me to tell him which guys I was with and what I was doing with that person. He said he would be curious to know how good the guy is, is the sex good? How is he better than me? How is he not better than me?

What really puzzled me is he made it seem like being in an open relationship would be a good thing here. Here are his words:

"I dont know, like I think its good for u because you get to be with more than just one guy in ur life and enjoy new people u know, and of course I'm horny and I'm sure I could find a girl to do stuff with too... hmmm im leaning yes, but i wanna hear what u say and then i'll make my final decision. "

He said that he thought that an open relationship was a relationship that we can blow off sexual tension with just another person but that was all.

What are opinions on this? Should I ignore it and think its just a phase?

He kept apologizing and telling me he doesn't want to loose me. I'm confused I don't know if I'm being used here or the fact that he is just horny.

Jul 19, 2010 @ 07:19 pm

11 Replies


if you're not on the same page ...

... then this is a no-fly situation. Open relationships are tricky enough when both parties are fully on board. If you and he are not in sync about this, it will end badly.

I have no personal experience here, so take my advice with a boulder of salt. But common sense says this is a disaster in the making.

Are you so sure both of you would be able to leave the bed buddy behind as simply a relief? What if someone develops feelings? And what if they aren't mutual? I'd say steer clear.
Jul 19, 2010 @ 07:45 pm
Ali de Bold

Mamaluv is too nice

I totally agree with everything she said... but I'd have said it stronger. This is a terrible idea.

You shouldn't have lied about how you felt in the first place, but what he is proposing will ruin your relationship. Are the warning bells making your ears ring yet?

If it were me, I'd probably end the relationship based on his request alone. That may sound harsh, but I think his request is a symptom of his heart not being in the right place. You can't be in a loving committed relationship while sleeping with 3rd parties. It just doesn't work like that.

Even if, like Mamaluv said, you both think this is a great idea, you will end up burned.

Jul 20, 2010 @ 10:29 am

Thank You

Thank You Mamaluv & Ali-de-bold! Both your responses were very helpful!
Jul 22, 2010 @ 10:49 pm

A ring that too irresistible...

Every time we order onion rings we fight over who gets the last one... it gets to the point where we even have to hide one under our burger wrapper just in case we lose :D
Jul 23, 2010 @ 02:18 pm

So don't stress over a guy...

My point with the above (aside from a distraction) is if you aren't fighting about something so mundane or a topic that is not relationship-oriented, you really need to step back and ask yourself...

Are you happy? What does it take to make you happy?

He is trying to play it off cool, but really he just wants to have his cake and eat it too... I mean, messing around with other girls while still having some type of stability on the back end = slime!

You absolutely deserve better! Just because the truth hurts, it's best to move forward to happiness without giving this guy any more of your precious time.

And if he's that horny.... give him a parting gift from the stag shop - a blow up doll :)
Jul 23, 2010 @ 02:24 pm

I would not like this

Personally I would not like this at all if any man in my past relationships or my present suggested this to me I would end the relationship right then and there.But this is about you.I can tell you I actually knew someone(I had worked with) who was in a open relationship and the poor girl was in agony she had agreed to it for the sake of keeping this guy and he was sleeping with other people all the time,lying to her etc she really became a wreck it affected her work performance and her mental health.She kept trying to hang onto this relationship because she was so in love with this guy it ended very badly...This would have to be something you are totally prepared for if you decide to have that kind of relationship.Be careful because emotions will become very involved!
Jul 23, 2010 @ 04:22 pm

I'm sorry if i sound harsh but

What exactly is an open relationship? You're either committed to eachother and in a relationship, or you're not and you're not in a relationship, correct?

You care about him, he cares about you. This is implied when you use the term "relationship". Isn't sex / makeout an expression of that care and commitment? Then how is it even conceivable that he can think of relieving himself by "finding a girl to do stuff with"? What, KY and internet isn't available where he's at??

Sounds to me like he's already found someone and he's trying to make life easier by making you agree to it too.

And hold on one more sec, not only does he want to play on the side, he wants you to do the same and he wants you to tell him what you do? Kinky voyeurism much??

I completely agree with Ali, run!! Just the fact that he even ask such a thing is enough for you to leave his sorry ass and walk away. You deserve someone who will love you, commit themselves to you, and someone with whom you can build a healthy respectful relationship.

Jul 26, 2010 @ 02:40 pm

Amen, anonymous

I agree....I think this is his way to justify something that he may already be indulging in. That way, once you agree and things go awry, he can say, "Well you thought it was okay".

To the left, to the left.......
Jul 31, 2010 @ 08:34 pm

see ya!

The fact you said you lied about being okay with it means you're NOT okay with it. So tell him that and end it. Even if hes testing you its all mind games and NOT acceptable. You're probably better off. Sorry for being so blunt I just don't like when guys try to pressure someone into something they do not want by being manipulative.
Aug 12, 2010 @ 09:15 pm

See ya later

Please don't ever sell yourself short! He is playing head games with you and it will just get worse. Value yourself and move on!

Aug 13, 2010 @ 02:25 pm

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