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Big arguement with boyfriends sister. Can we come back from this?


Ive never done this before; writing on a forum website but i really could do with some advice:/. So.. Thursday night my boyfriend who i have been with for 16 months was meant to be getting his hair cut. He genuinely forgot that he had the appointment until i realised when it was too late. Then the Saturday night he got a text from his sister totally out of the blue starting an arguement about him missing the appointment. Saying that their losing money and he needs to stop missing 'appointments' when hes only missed the one which was nights earlier! Totally un called for, days later then when it happened and saying facts that arn't true. But thats not the issue. The issue is that on the end of the text she had the ordasity to say 'is 'blank' not letting you go or something?' obviously im 'blank'. In utter shock and hurt i didn't know what to do.
To add to that my boyfriend didn't even answer her rude and ridiculous question he let her think what she wanted!!! He replied and just decided to leave that out. Also he decided not to tell me what she had said as well! So when i discovered it my heart just shattered to think for one she could think anything so ridiculous and two that he let her think it.

At this point i was just so angry and upset. This sister was always one to say what ever she wanted. I never know where i stand because half of the time she lets me use her stuff, get ready in her room, asks me if i want anything and then the rest of the time shes always argueing with someone, making comments about our relationship about my boyfriend not being at home that much because obviously hes with me but the funny thing if my boyfriend told me there was a time when she wouldnt come home for weeks apart from to get a shower when she was in a relationship. So why isn't it ok when the tables are turned? We go to his a few times a week whats the problem. Shes single now btw..

Shes 23, hes nearly 21 and im 18. Im not that good when it comes to partners families as it is but ive really tried to get involved and things. I took a big step and spent christmas over there. My first christmas from home to try get in with the family.

So i couldnt handle what she said and i just had to ask her why she would say something like that. I didn't say it in an aggressive mannor at all but she decided to kick off and now i never want to see her again. I dont know if we can get through this. In a well right of my own i just asked her 'sorry but why would you say and think that i wouldnt let him go to the hair dressers?:/ So she decided to reply with 'back off! Ill say what i want to my brother' starting a big arguement over me asking a question and it just kicked off from there.

I wouldnt of texted her if i knew what would happen because its already akwuard as it is at his i dont feel like she likes me at all and they do things different which im not comfortable with. So it carried on from there and we spent 4 hours argueing and it has ended at that. I never want to see her or go round to my partners again. She said some disgusting and heart breaking things. Like your NOT family. You dont get how we work you never will. Just things that she know would hurt me the most. You would think after 16 months i would be getting somewhere but she thinks shes the voice of the whole family (Theres his mum and dad, two sisters, two brothers and my boyfriend) not taking any consideration as to my boyfriends feelings when she said im not part of the family. Shes been the same from the start. Yeah shes done nice things but shes also been nasty and just digs all the time as well i dont get her at all and why she has to get so involved and thinks she can speak everyones opinions.

So all this is going on, me and my boyfriend are at mine and shes where ever she is and my boyfriend just lays there letting it all carry on!! When in actually fact this all started because he forgot his appointment!!! He let me and his sister argue for 4 hours without saying anything. He saw everything she said and didn't think of sticking up for me and telling her shes out of order. I spent 5 hours crying about the situation and what she has said and all he can say is he will have a word. To be honest i think more than a word is needed! She said some disgusting hurtful things to the person you have said you want to be with forever, have kids with and get married and you think a word will sort everthing she has said. She hasn't appologised and she just told me to forget about it or it will be awkuard for my boyfriend. I cant do that i already feel crap around her and now i just never want to see her.

My boyfriend should of stuck up for me i didn't do anything wrong and she did all what she did. You think she would be more mature now but i guess not. They were close as kids and all through growing up and im his first gf so i dont know maybe that has something to do with it. Yeah im not the best gf ive never said i am every relationship has things that aint perfect but i think she just focuses on the negatives and not that hes actually happy with me and choses seeing me over them sometimes. Is she jelous? Even so, no way to behave how she has and why hasn't my boyfriend stood up to her? I think hes a bit scared that he might drift apart from her too though. Hes not an arguementative person but he should realise what she has said is bang out of order and she needs to be told. Ive probably stood up more to her in them 4 hours than he has in his life. He would rather ignore someone than argue but still. I feel like from the start there always been something she hasn't liked but when i confronted her she said dont give me that. Well..

Sorry for going on i just would really like some advice on this situaution and i feel for the best advice knowing all the story would be better:( Im really hurt at the moment and i dont know whether im going to get through this with my boyfriend. I love him so much but i cant cope with her or the fact hes let her treat me like that so what does that say. Also, she is the only one i have a problem with... Im not 100% comfortable with the others but thats just the person i am i feel like i cant always be myself cause ive got to give a good impression but as i say its only her that i feel has the real problem. Regularly when i go over shes more often than not argueing with someone over something. She the gobby one lets say. I never had a problem with her as such but she gets very involved and thinks she can be the one to tell us whats wrong in our relationship. I dont know if she feels like shes loosing him or whether she just doesn't like me or that shes really protective and feels that im not good enough for him. Which is probably true as she said the other night that hes a million of a guy i will ever get and things so...
Which is very true but as it stands at the minute what she has done we may not be together much longer because of her which breaks my heart but this has really caused alot of upset and confusing and there was just no need for any of this.

Finally a last point, she said she didn't say what she said to offend me she said she said it to get at her brother. Which is a load of bull!!!! Why on earth would that get to him??! She said thats her first rule in an arguement 'saying something about someone they care about' what an idiot and how stupid. What reasoning does she have behind that?? Nothing really gets to my boyfriend and she knows that. It was a genuine question and she has no reason to think that. Yeah i wear the pants in the relationship because he wont. Hes not the kind of guy to take responsibilty for anything so i have to. If she views that as me being a controlling psycho bitch then she clearly doesn't know her brother at all if she has the slightest thought that he would ever take responsibilty.

So as much advice as possible is welcome and thank you for spending the time to read this:(

Mar 18, 2013 @ 08:40 am

2 Replies

Ali de Bold

Probably not about you

It sounds like she made that comment to try to get a reaction from your boyfriend because she was mad at him.

I agree your boyfriend should have told her to leave you out of it so that you would not have had to have the conversation with her in the first place.

It sounds like she is the sort of person who has a quick temper and says whatever feels right in the heat of the moment. She probably didn't mean most of what she said.

At this point, I would let things cool off and let your boyfriend be the one to sort the situation out.

I do know what this feels like. When I was about 21, the brother of a guy I was dating had a complete temper tantrum at me, screaming and shoving his finger in my face. He was upset because his brother had started going to church with me and he didn't approve. He blamed me for his brother's decision to come with me, even though it was completely his choice. I had a great relationship with the whole family up until that point, but everyone just stood there in shock while he threw his hissy fit. It was really horrible. My boyfriend at the time didn't say much either, which was hurtful. I was scared he was going to hit me or something.

It was a real eye opener for me that this probably wasn't the guy I wanted to spend my life with if he was going to allow his brother - anyone - to treat me like that. The family's response after he had cooled off was just, "Oh - P is like that. We all get screamed at by him."

I found it disturbing that they would all enable that kind of behavior. He ended up marrying a girl with an equally bad temper. Let's just say I'm really glad I'm not part of that family!

The point of me telling you that is you have to consider the family if this is a guy you are serious about. I would seriously evaluate if this is the guy for you if a: this is normal in his family and b: he won't defend you when he should.

You are still young but the decisions you make now will affect you later in life. You decide how you will allow yourself to be treated. You treat people the way you want to be treated.

Big hugs to you!
Mar 18, 2013 @ 10:11 pm


Thanks for your reply I thought I was never going to get one!
I think your right that she says what she thinks in the moment and I let things cool off and told my boyfriend he needs to sort it or I dont know where we go from here.
Yeah thats a very similar situation:/ that one time can ruin everything!
So he ended up speaking to her on Monday and I got an appology which is the best outcome I guess since its happened now. I still wonder about my bf how he let it happen but I do think he took it seriously after and hopefully he will realise when he needs to stand by me from now on.
Thank you for your advice it helped. Very appreciated. :)
Mar 22, 2013 @ 02:26 pm

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