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boyfriend dumped me but he didn't ask for his stuff.


My boyfriend and I recently broke up alittle less then three weeks ago, and he already started talking to another girl, and I recently saw him and he told me he hated me, never cared for me, and never loved me, and will never get back with me, and yet he didn't ask for his stuff back, and he still has all my stuff...does that mean he wants to get back with me in the future? and he was my first everything, does it mean its really over? did he mean what he said? 
Jan 26, 2012 @ 01:57 pm

8 Replies


sounds like a lot of emotion

You haven't given any info about the nature of your breakup or the last days of your relationship, so it's hard to give you any really helpful feedback.

However, his reaction sounds to me like he's flooded with emotion right now - either very hurt or angry or otherwise extremely upset. He probably doesn't want to deal with the items that belong to you or him at the moment and when he has a chance to calm down might ask you about those things.

I would not read into his lack of comment on his belongings that this means he wants to get back together. And as long as his emotions are still so raw, it's impossible to say what he meant or means for the future.

Basically, I'm suggesting you wait until things have settled more before you take true stock of the situation. If the nature of your breakup was really rough (like if someone cheated or told a bad lie, etc) and trust was shattered, it's quite possible that this is over for good.

Don't worry about the "I never loved you" comments. That sounds to me like he feels he needs to say these things to voice his emotions - it's probably not true.
Jan 26, 2012 @ 02:20 pm

Throw it out!

I agree with @mamaluv about the 'I never loved you' type comments, break ups are so hard and crazy that he is probably just saying whatever he can to hurt you. I doubt it is all true.

As far as the stuff goes- why even think about getting back together? You can always tell what type of person someone is by how they handle a break up and this guy seems like bad news. My advice? Drop it all off at the nearest thrift store- it will feel good to get him and his stuff out of your life!
Jan 26, 2012 @ 03:07 pm

our relationship

well hmmm...out relationship has been on and off for about 15 months, what do i do with this new girl? do you think its serious or just a rebound girl... I am waiting, and I don't want to get back with him, but we have such a connection since we were eachother first, that its hard to let it all go so easily and quickly....I love him like crazy and just the thought that he probably won't apologize kills me because what he said realy hurt alot..he never let me talk to any other guy including my best friend, and he never let me wear leggings or skirts or yoga pants or dresses, and he didn't like my friends so he told me to throw them all out, he also brought my family into this and called my sister names, and i don't know if its because he immature, but he grew up this way due to his parents his dad always went back and forth with his wife and the wife always came back and waited for him....do you think he will apologize, and come around when time goes on? or do you think hes to stubborn to learn....
Jan 26, 2012 @ 03:48 pm

whoa, hold the phone!!

"he never let me wear leggings or skirts or yoga pants or dresses..."

"he didn't like my friends so he told me to throw them all out..."

"he also brought my family into this and called my sister names..."

Are you kidding me? He sounds incredibly controlling and you should not be with him END OF STORY.

I'm not saying this is true of your relationship, but many abused women (physically, emotionally, or mentally) feel "an incredible connection" to their abuser. You know why? Because they make you feel like you're worthless, so when they lavish their attention on you, you feel like the center of their universe.

This is a twisted thinking. Now that I hear the full story, I suggest you consider this "good riddance". Don't waste another thought on this girl because she's irrelevant to your situation.

Wait. If he's ever actually abused you in a deliberate way, then do give her a thought. Consider telling her what she's getting into if you feel comfortable doing so - we sisters need to look out for each other.
Jan 26, 2012 @ 04:02 pm

my opinion

but is that the type of stability you want in your life?? if you had a great connection you wouldnt be in this situation. he sounds controlling. im sorry but as hard as it will be you need to wash your hands of him. you need to move on. you need to find something to do to keep your mind off things and you need to let it all go. you should want someone who loves you for who you are and lets you make and be with your freinds and lets you wear what you want. i dont know if you are having sex yet but that is scary that he goes on thoes breaks and you dont know what he is doing.

it sound hard and i know i have been there, you are better without that in your life, you could meet someone way better that deserves you
Jan 26, 2012 @ 04:03 pm
Ali de Bold

Please don't let yourself be treated like that

First or not, he sounds like quite the jerk and you should never let anyone treat you like that. Te issues in your relationship were serious. He sounds extremely controlling. Swap your stuff and focus on getting past this one. Be with someone who respects you and treats you accordingly.
Jan 26, 2012 @ 04:43 pm

Not good

The sooner you tell him you want your stuff back and for him to take all his stuff the better.Don't have that stuff there for you to look at everyday.This guy is not a good guy you dont want that in your life or in your future.If he is controlling how you dress,who you can be friends with etc he will not change that attitude.Believe me I have been in that situation before and it takes awhile to see how wrong it is.By him leaving his stuff behind is yet more control he thinks he can come and go as he pleases.Make the right decision and move on to better things.Its very hard but in the end you will know it was the right decision to make.Take care.
Jan 26, 2012 @ 05:14 pm

Red Flags!

Wow! He sounds like a huge jerk! I know that might be hard to hear because you care about him. But anyone who treats you like he did/does is not a nice person.

You seemed to be making excuses for his behaviour ("i don't know if its because he immature, but he grew up this way due to his parents his dad always went back and forth with his wife and the wife always came back and waited for him...") but controlling you the way he did is not acceptable!

Move on! Throw out his stuff... forget about him! There are men out there who will treat you (and your family) so much better. There are men who will RESPECT you. He obviously did not respect you at all!

As for the "new girl"... feel sorry for her... I'm sure he doesn't respect her either. He will soon be controlling what she wears and who she talks to etc. Count yourself lucky that you are not in that situation anymore!

Jan 27, 2012 @ 10:53 am

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