boyfriend got caught with a D.U.I. for the second time


my boyfriend and I were arguing and he got upset and went to his mom's house and ended up drinking to the point where he was obviously over the limit, he was on his way home and got stopped by the police and got arrested and charged with a second D.U.I. I just found out today and I am beyond upset. He got his license taken away and in my mind he has screwed up beyond belief and his life is ruined. I didn't know him when he got his first D.U.I but I was there four years later when it was finally settled and he was done paying off all of his fines and he officially got off probation, it was a great day for us I was so happy and proud, we had discussed this many times and I believed he just made an honest mistake the first time and he learned his lesson and had never done it since then four years ago. He knows how important this issue is to me, my sister was killed by a drunk driver two years ago, he made it a point to show me how he realized this was the biggest mistake he had ever made and would never do it again. But he did, and this is his second one and I just cannot stand by his side. He knew what he was doing and he knew that it affect me also not just him. I was upset over an argument we had now I am dealing with this, and I just cannot stand by his side on this. He was mad that I couldn't be on his side about what he did and he said he would never call me again and I hung up on him. I am wrong for not wanting to be on his side about this? He ruined both of our lives not just his when he decided to get drunk and drive. What should I do? What should I think? thanks so much in advance!
Aug 29, 2010 @ 08:49 pm

1 Replies


I would make the same decision as you

I know several people who have driven while over the legal limit, some of them very much so. None of them were caught by police and I'm not sure whether to be relieved that they didn't screw up their lives by having that mark on their record or angry because they didn't have to suffer any consequences other than a hangover and a big fat lecture from me. I have zero tolerance for such idiocy, as you do.

For me, the 'getting caught' part is separate from the actual act of it. Most people don't get caught doing whatever it is they are doing and they seem to think it justifies something. It's like a smoker continuing in his habit because no one close to him has actually developed lung cancer, therefore the consequences aren't 'real'. The fact that he didn't injure himself or kill someone while drunk driving is a very lucky break. To me, the biggest issue is this - how dare he take that risk? Getting caught = logical (and eventual) outcome.

The fact that you have a painful history connected with drunk driving makes things so much worse, and your BF being a bonehead proves either he's so ashamed that he lashes out to deflect his embarrassment or he doesn't take it seriously. Either reaction is unacceptable.

You guys have a history and only you can say if it's worth working out if he takes a change of heart and mind seriously. If it were me in the same situation, I would be more likely to walk away (but I'm not in the same situation - I'm married with kids and if my hubby did that I can't honestly say I'd divorce him over it. Not sure!). I know it's not an easy decision - you obviously love him and are invested in your relationship.

Aug 30, 2010 @ 08:45 am

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