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cheated and goin to germany?


I have been with my boyfriend for almost five years. He works alot out of state and while he was gone I cheated on him. He found out about it and he is understandably upset. we have decided to work it out but it is so hard because he is in phoenix right now and will be there for the next two months. I explained everything to my sister and she bought me a ticket to germany for two months to figure my life out.
What scares me the most is I am 23 and completely dependent on my boyfriend. My dreams are to be able to stand on my own two feet and become an interior designer. I am afraid that by leaving I am just running away from my problems and when I get back my problems will still be there and I will have less money also. Should I stay home and go to school, save money and work on myself, or should I go to germany build a relationship with my sister and just have some time away from the chaos?
I don't know what to do and I'm scared. I want to make my relationship work, but I know it won't if I don't work on myself. Please Help me ladies!!!! I am very scared of becoming a nobody:(
Jan 12, 2008 @ 07:35 pm

19 Replies

Ali de Bold

Go to Germany

I know the popular catch phrase is "Don't run away from your problems" but that isn't always good advice. It sounds like you need some time to clear your head. Sometimes the best way to sort out a situation is to get some distance and perspective. At 23 you are still young and there is plenty of time to work on career and relationships. Two months isn't going to affect you one way or another.

As far as your relationship goes, the distance will give you time to evaluate your feelings and why the cheating happened.

Good luck!

And by the way, Germany is amazing. My sister used to live there too and I once ran away for 2 weeks to stay with her. Those are some of my most cherished memories. Go figure!
Jan 12, 2008 @ 07:49 pm

Go to Germany

You should go. You need time to figure out who you are and what you really want. Why do you think you cheated?
Jan 12, 2008 @ 09:23 pm

I agree!

I think Germany will be a good change for you. Sometimes it's difficult to see clearly whta's happening with your life when you are constantly trying to make things the way it used to be. The truth is, things are not the same anymore and therefore, you can't go on living like the cheating never happened. If you go to Germany, you will be in a completely different environment; hopefully that will relieve some of your stress and help you think more clearly. Also, it sounds like your sister loves and cares about you very much. She will be a shoulder for you to lean on when you need comfort; she will be the voice of reason when you get in a rut; most importantly, she'll be there to guide you through this tough time.

I remember when I was in university and was going through a rough patch with my boyfriend. We grew apart but b/c we were together for so long, we also tried to work things out. (It didn't work out in the end for us.) In retrospect, I realize it was very difficult to think clearly when both of were trying to put the relationship back together by trying to be "normal" around each other, without working out the underlying issue. I think our break-up would've ended more amicably if we had the chance to be apart and analyze the situation on our own.
Jan 12, 2008 @ 10:01 pm

i cheated because.....

I cheated because a small (stupid) part of me just wanted to feel the carefree, fun, crazy part of being a teenager again. It's no excuse and I know it. I am very sorry for hurting my boyfriend. I don't know if he can ever feel the same about me again, but I can tell he is trying, and it means so much to me.
Jan 12, 2008 @ 10:21 pm

What does he say?

What does he think about you going to Germany? I dont know if i would like my husband taking time off to go on vacation just after he cheated on me. First being cheated on then being abandoned would make me feel like hes done with the relationship. What/who will he be doing while your gone?
Jan 12, 2008 @ 11:22 pm

he wants me to go...

he wants me to go. He feels it will give me time to figure things out. he says if i get away it will give me time to relax and get my life together. He will be away in phoenix working the whole time, and right now we can't be together so i should just go.
Jan 12, 2008 @ 11:46 pm
Ali de Bold

Good guy

Sounds like you have a good man. It's great that he is supportive of you taking some time to sort things out. I hope everything works out for you!
Jan 13, 2008 @ 05:44 pm


It's not a vacation, it's a chance to do some soul searching. You'll notice quickly enough if you miss him (or not!) and if you are checking out the German men (or not!) as to whether you've gotten this out of your system. Lean on your sister, that is what family is for!

I think you should absolutely go. The money (or lack thereof) will be meaningless if you are able to get some clarity and closure - one way or another - with your problem. You can make up a lost semester or earn the extra cash back really quickly, but you might not get this chance again to get away from it all and focus on just your relationship - not school, work, etc. Go!
Jan 13, 2008 @ 11:00 pm

definitely go!

Getting away from the everyday when you've got big decisions to make is very helpful! Sometimes when you are out of your element you see your life, decisions and what you want in the future much more clearly.

I agree with mamaluv, you may not get another chance to just put your whole life on hold and really have time to focus on yourself again! Take advantage of it. Luckily your boyfriend is keeping an open mind about your relationship and your traveling.

I hope that you find the clarity that you need!
Jan 14, 2008 @ 01:42 pm

what do i do if?

My biggest worry is he will eventually decide he doesnt want to be with me and then I'm screwed. I would have spent all the money i had on this trip. I keep feeling that I should stay and save incase we don't work it out and I have to be on my own. I am really scared and I have no idea what to do.
Jan 14, 2008 @ 02:34 pm

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