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Close Guy Friend said this to me. does he want more? the end is confusing.


so i work with a guy for about 8-9 months now. he is flirty and says sexual innuendo  to me a LOT!!. but, i'm used to being around guys so i take this light-heartedly and i don;t really notice it much.

one day, we were sitting at the lunch table with our friends and when i got up to leave he shouted after me asking me out for a drink. i laughed said sure!! and assumed he was joking (because he said it loudly in the canteen with everyone there) (and bc he has a gf). 

then, at our Christmas party i told him i was going, he said if i didn't he wouldn't talk to me. I had planned on going and got dressed etc but a family matter occurred so i never got there.

on monday, he looked at me and said 'where were you'? looked disappointed, shrugged his shoulders and looked away. he didn't talk to me for 3 days, he made it a point not to. 

yesterday, he asked me out for a drink. i said sure, but then i got a text from my brother asking me to look after my nephew his wife was in labour. i told him i couldn;t go and that we could go next week. he said yeah sure, i knew you wouldn't. and looked me straight in the eye and said I won't ask you again. you keep making excuses. 

AGAIN, he looked at me straight in the eye making a point of being serious and then stated that he has asked me 4 times already. i said 'no you haven't' he said 'i have....and i count the christmas party as one too' ... this surprised me a little..christmas party? that wasn't his idea to ask me out. it was a group why would he count that? 

then he said to me...you are just afraid of what might happen. i said i'm not. he said you are. kinda got annoyed said i won't ask again and looked away, never said bye. 

-wtf? he has a gf already, why would he get angry?
-he keeps telling me he is pissed off with his gf and he doesn't care anymore he is sick of her.

do you think he is looking for more? i don't know what to think. i assumed we were close because our humours are the same, we started work the same month. and we joke a lot. where i work is very serious so i assumed we just clicked in a friendly way and leaned on each other a bit cos we were the newbies...please help
Jan 14, 2012 @ 10:04 pm

4 Replies

Ali de Bold

Not a keeper

I'm sorry. I'm sure he's a fun guy and all, but if he has a girlfriend, he's being a complete loser to her and to you. If he's unhappy with her he can end the relationship. I think he's trying to get something started with you before it ends with her, which is a cowardly immature thing to do.

This is the difference between a boy and a man. A man would deal with one relationship before moving onto the next, whereas a boy will play with one toy for two seconds before grabbing another one or try to shove them both in his mouth (or at least that's what my 5 month old does). You get the point. He's trying to have you both and it's a total loser move.

I think it's great you have your priorities straight with your family. Don't take part in his games.
Jan 16, 2012 @ 10:46 am

Completely agree with Ali

I think this whole story is totally irrelevant because he already has a girlfriend. Whether he's happy in this relationship or not doesn't matter. The fact of the matter is that he should NOT be persuing you if he is already in a relationship. This should be a huge red flag to you. If he is doing this to his present girlfriend, there's no reason he won't do this to you as well.

Aside from all that, I think he's being quite immature! It's kind of like in preschool when you tell your friend you're not inviting her to your birthday because she's not sharing her cookies or something.

I recommend leaving this boy completely alone. If he's confusing you and being a loser now, it'll only get worse if you start a relationship with him.
Jan 16, 2012 @ 12:07 pm


I think he IS sending you signals to start a relationship (extent yet to be determined), but I absolutely agree with beachbabe and ali-de-bold that this is something you do not want to get into with him. He's a player - pure and simple.

Here's a (nearly) universal truth: if a guy is sick of his girlfriend, he'd leave her whether or not he has his next bed bunny queued up. Why would he stay in a supposedly toxic or otherwise unsatisfactory relationship? The truth is that he IS satisfied to some degree and being involved with him makes you the Other Woman.

Even if he eventually leaves her for you, chances are he'll leave you for the next girl. Just don't go there. You will be hurt in the end. You deserve someone without CURRENT baggage (we all have past baggage). This guy is bad news.

Jan 16, 2012 @ 01:01 pm

agree agree agree

This guy sounds like an immature player. Stay away! I betcha he will ask you out again, so when he does just tell him that you don't see him that way, and you'd rather not go for that drink as it might lead to confusion on his part. And next time he bitches about his girlfriend, tell him that if he hates the relationship so much he should leave her instead of whining about it all the time. Bottom line, I wouldn't go with this guy if he was the last one left on earth. Don't care how fun or jokey he is. He really does sound like a loser. Sorry...
Jan 16, 2012 @ 01:49 pm

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