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Dating Somone New


I just got out of a very long term relationship. During that time, it was not the healthiest relationship and eventually I lost myself in it. But this I mean I almost had lost who I was.

It has now been about 2 months since we have broken up. I have dated new people but nothing serious.

But now I have found someone that I do like. The only thing that I am worried about is... that I might lose myself again in a relationship like last time. Another thing is that I am going away at the end of next month for about 2 months.

Is it worth starting a relationship? Or should I just not let it get into anything serious, and just have fun just dating and being single?
Apr 26, 2008 @ 12:31 am

6 Replies

Feisty Redhead

Take it slow and have fun

If it were me I wouldn't get into anything too serious right now, especially considering you are leaving for a good while soon. After being in a relationship for a long time - whether it was a good or bad one - you need to take some time to focus on you again. Of course everyone is different and moves on from relationships in their own time and ultimately only you know what you truly want and what is best for you. But I would definitely take some more time to myself if I were in your situation. And when you do decide you are ready to be in a more serious relationship again, use the lessons you learned from past experiences to help you out with the new relationship and prevent repeating the same mistakes over again. It's easier said than done, believe me I know. But all you can do is try. If you think back on your past relationship hindsight may show you some little clues and hints as to what sort of things you may have been doing in losing yourself in the relationship. Once you see those things you can know to be on the lookout for them again in any new relationship and if you notice yourself saying, doing, thinking or feeling those same things again under similar circumstances you can step back and reevaluate and remind yourself to not lose track of who you are just because you are in a relationship.

So again just take things slow and enjoy your single time and rediscovering yourself. If this person you like now is really worth it they will still be around when you get back from being away AND they will be understanding of your need for "me time" after being in a long term relationship and they will wait till you are ready to be in a serious relationship again without putting any pressure on you.
Apr 26, 2008 @ 08:40 am

Why want another relationship now?

I think you are just not comfortable with being alone without your ex right now. Thats why you are looking for some companion before you leave. To find a friend is ok. But you will only dig yourself into a bigger hole if you start anything more than a friendship. Just go out more with your single friends would be good.
Apr 27, 2008 @ 10:55 am

Pay attention...Clues are all around you...

In my opinion 2 months is not long enough if you were in a long term relationship. Dating is fine, it will help you get moving again but you are definately not ready to get involved in a new "relationship" right now. How could you be? I guess the real question is how you define "relationship".

Another thing.. what man would jump into a relationship with you knowing you just got out of a serious relationship 2 months ago? You have to pay attention to this kind of thing when looking for Mr.Right. The key ingredient for Mr.Right is respect. Those sort of guys dont respect you. The guys who date you while you are in a relationship or shortly after you leave one are typically not boyfriend material. They are the guys who want to have fun with you and nothing more. I am not saying there is anything wrong with this. Just that i doubt you will find any Mr.Right's among them. Is it possible to dig up a knight in shining armor at a bar? Absolutely! But typically few and far between. You didnt mention a bar. I just thru that in there :).

If i were you i would date whoever i wanted right now and tie myself to no one. The reality is your not ready to jump into a relationship if you felt like you lost your identity only 2 months ago. Your going to end up right back where you were. And from the sound of it and the fact your posting about it i will assume you dont ever want to end up where you were. Keep in mind that you were 50% responsible for the relationship you wanted out of. You have to "police" your own actions and keep yourself out of needy clingy codependent situations. I dont know you or what your relationship was like but from my own experience i notice that people who want to jump right back into relationships are people who are clingy and needy and end up fused to the other member of the codependency. The other person will never fill any voids that exist in you. You have to do that yourself and then you will attract Mr.Right and maybe a couple of his cute buddies to pick from :). Good Luck
Apr 28, 2008 @ 12:25 am
Ali de Bold

Trust your gut

I think the fact that you are doubting if you should get into another relationship right now says it all. Your gut is telling you to hold off and take some time to yourself or you wouldn't be asking us here. I think that you should listen to that instinct and don't jump in just yet. If he is the right guy for you, he will still be here when you have taken some time for yourself and have returned from your trip.

Especially considering you say you lost yourself in the last relationship that means you are vulnerable and need some time alone.

Everyone gave some really good advice here. I think the fact that you are questioning is a good thing and means you have a good head on your shoulders. Spend more time with your friends and family instead during this time. It will all work out. Promise!
Apr 28, 2008 @ 10:29 am

I agree

In the grand scheme of things, 2 months is about 5 minutes. Not nearly long enough to consider something serious after just getting out of a deep relationship. Keep it casual, then see where things are at when you get back from your upcoming trip. The time away will give you a lot of perspective as to how much you really do want to be with this new person.

Sorry, my friend; you sound like a classic rebound case. No offense meant at all, just telling it how I see it.
Apr 29, 2008 @ 02:52 pm

Ah ha.

Er... thanks ladies.
Apr 30, 2008 @ 07:55 pm

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