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Divorced, Married again and unresolved issues


Hi all,

I was married to a guy I loved. I knew him for 4 years before marriage. We were not in a living in relationship but were physically intimate. After marriage reality struck as to what a mistake it was, tried living with it for 3 years as it was my decision and had to deal with it. But the last year of marriage I couldn't handle it anymore and became lifeless. I was there just for the sake of it. Finally i started getting drawn to other men and I realized I cant do this drama and live an artificial life anymore. He asked me to leave the house and abused my parents in one of the fights and that was the line for me I left him and never looked back. He did try t get me back but when divorce ended he didnt part with all the materials he was given in marriage so i knew i was on the right path. Later I met a guy who is loving and everything i wanted fell in love immediately and in a year and half we got married. 

First few months when i met this guy until it was all play I was alright. The minute things started getting serious my past struck me and I started misbehaving with this guy when i got drunk. I get mean and nasty when i get drunk with him i start saying things i have never been able to tell my ex husband to this guy. We still got married as we knew we love each other. After marriage i did the same thing a few times and now i dont get drunk with him anymore as thats a good temporary soln. But i need to figure out a permanent solution to this. As i know deep down im filled with all the anger and hatred i never let out. I ge bad dreams everynight i dream of being pushed back to my ex husband. Dream of randomly meeting my ex's family at places. Also I always dream that I'm in trouble someone or something is chasing me and I am always on the run. I dream of unknown people but never of my husband. In my dreams I know he is there but somehow I am always away from him, never able to get to him and I am trapped.
I am forced to get in places I dont wanna be and men I dont wanna be with.

I am pretty sure all this is related to my past and I am not in a position to afford a psychiatrist or psychologist.

Please help!!
Feb 20, 2014 @ 01:30 pm

3 Replies


Tight spot

What you can do is try to search yourself and see if there is something that is causing you to feel this way. Try writing the way you feel about your ex on paper and read it back to yourself. That will help you to vent. On a daily basis you need to remind yourself that you have a better man in your life and tell him how you feel when you are with him, when you say thing it will manifest and erase all the anger and hurt from your past, by doing this you will get to the point where will be able to drink and not be rude to ur husband as you would have purged your system of all the negative energy ur ex left behind.

As for your dreams it is what you think about daily that comes out in your dreams, there is still some fear there when it comes to your ex and you need to get over it, we were not created to live in fear. And that dream about you trying to get to your husband and being blocked by something, that is your past trying to get in and screw up your present, DON'T LET YOUR PAST WIN. Try to let the baggage go and move one.

All the best, hope I made some sense to you.

Feb 23, 2014 @ 04:12 pm

You have to get help

Look into what options ARE open to you for counselling - you might be surprised! Whether it's your healthcare insurance (and sometimes coverage is not clear in your paperwork, but a call to your provider and some direct questions should help) or a non-profit group that charges on a sliding scale (ie. based on what you can afford) or maybe even free, there are opportunities out there. If you are a person of faith, there are often many avenues of help within your church/temple/mosque/etc.

Whatever you do, don't let this fester. You have already done this and as you say, it's ruining your new marriage. Obviously whatever you have been doing up to this point has not worked. It's time for a new option. If your problems can be traced back to alcohol, you might even consider AA.

Just get the help you need. Make it a priority. Maybe you have deeper issues that you've been squashing or perhaps have even suppressed. These need to come out into the open and be dealt with.

Best of luck!
Feb 26, 2014 @ 04:28 pm

Free help

There are lots of free places you can got to get help...at worst you can go to any emergency room and ask to see a psychiatrist. Hope you find help...it's not fun carrying anger.
Mar 08, 2014 @ 06:37 pm

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