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engagement rings


My guy and I have begun to talk more seriously of a wedding. There is nothing official yet, but we're moving that way. We're both very practical people so we want to make sure we get what we like ahead of time, instead of a surprise. So he's asked me to check out rings to show him what I like. So, here's where the questions start:

1. What I like best is more of the anniversary style: channel inset diamond band. This is not your traditional engagement ring, but I'm also not your traditional girl, so its perfect for me. I want something small and very out of the way -- not large and clunky. So, if that were to be my engagement ring, do I need a wedding band? Or does the engagement ring, since it's a band, suffice for both?

2. We know that the tradition is that the man buys the engagement ring. Who buys the bands? Do I buy him his wedding band?

Thanks for your help and experience. My mom and sisters all have different experiences from tradition, so there's no easy consensus to these questions so far ...
Jul 24, 2007 @ 12:12 pm

14 Replies

Ali de Bold


That's so exciting!! Here's my opinion:

1. Go with what you like best. Anniversary style bands are gorgeous and I know some women who have that as their engagement ring. Who says you have to have a regular wedding band too? This one is totally up to the two of you. I know that sometimes it's a good idea to have a plain gold band for traveling and stuff for security, but aside from that, it shouldn't really matter.

2. I bought my hubby his wedding band. I thought it was more special coming from me. And there is nothing wrong with picking it all out together. It is a financial decision and I think ring shopping together is romantic too.

Let us know how it all turns out! Congrats again!!
Jul 24, 2007 @ 04:56 pm

My congrats too, Spotty! Well, in advance anyway...

I think you are very smart to go with an inset ring style. Mine stuck out and snagged every sweater I owned and I scraped myself on it several times. The only downside is that it can be a little trickier to get really clean.

If you're not a traditional girl, then I would say don't bother with the extra band if you don't want it. Most women I know wear either one or the other, rarely both. In fact, I saved my engagement ring for wearing on special occasions because I was scared of losing/damaging it.

Having said that, I do agree with M.C. that having a plain band is nice for everyday. I actually lost my engagement ring (still steamed about that!) a few years ago and have only my plain $80 band.

My husband and I bought the bands together; that is, we both picked and he paid (but only because I had just moved to his town and was between jobs). If you know what he likes, then by all means pick it out yourself. I would never have selected the ring my husband has, so it's a good thing he had some input! As M.C. mentioned, there is something romantic about buying it for your future spouse instead of picking it up yourself as if it were a pair of jeans.

I personally am sick of many wedding traditions that can land you in hot water if you stray from the prescribed protocol. I casually ignored many of them in my case and did get the odd remark because of it...

Bottom line: do what you are comfortable with. If you are concerned about how your actions are perceived, then take that into consideration. If not, just do what makes sense and the least amount of work for you. Weddings are crazy times and it's not worth it to worry about getting every detail perfect, especially those that go under the radar.

Best of luck to you!
Jul 25, 2007 @ 02:43 pm

Congrats and best wishes!

I can't really provide any input here, but just wanted to wish you all the best with your future plans! I didn't want an engagement ring (why spend money he didn't have?), so when it was time to get married, we went and picked out matching bands together. We didn't have a wedding either. Just went down to the civil service office. It was great! I didn't turn into a bridezilla, and the money that my parents would have spent got us our first house. So do whatever you feel most comfortable with. In the end, its all about you and him. For us, it was fun going to jewelry stores together and looking at rings.
Jul 26, 2007 @ 01:51 pm

Congrats in advance! This is very exciting!

I had a very specific style I had in mind for my engagement ring. Since my hubby and I have always been on the same page when it came to where our relationship was heading, I did not hesitate to point out exactly what I wanted (and don't want) in my e-ring whenever we went shopping. But still, when it came time to buy, my hubby was still afraid to screw up even though I had wanted a very simple solitaire. So he ended up just buying the diamond, have to placed on a temp setting when he proposed, and then he took me to his jeweller to pick my own setting.

If you are both practical people, then it's best to go pick out your own ring. I've heard so many stories about girls being "slightly" disappointed in their rings but not sure how to bring it up with their guys or even appropriate to bring it up. At least if you picked yours out, you will both be happy.

As for a channel set, a friend of mine specifically asked for a channel set for her E-ring b/c she's very active and she hates the look of anthing that sticks out of her hand. And let me tell you, her e-ring is gorgeous and she loves it. Originally, my friend was going to use her e-ring as her wedding band as well. But then, her family gave her an heirloom, so she used that as her wedding band instead. So my point is, do what is most comfortable for you and your BF. It doesn't matter what other people say. It's your ring and it's going on your finger, not theirs. :)

Finally, I have a suggestion if you want to use your e-ring as your wedding band. Perhaps for your wedding, you can engrave a special message inside to celebrate your marriage.

Oh...we picked out our wedding bands together and it came out of our "wedding funds". So I guess we paid for ours together.
Aug 17, 2007 @ 11:14 pm
Scents Of Peace

Not your "traditional" wedding . . .

Hey Spotty ( and my other gal pals ! ) - I just got married in July and it was not your usual wedding. We got married on the Seminole Reservation and it was absolutely perfect. We are not your typical couple and also very practical. Because most people assumed we were already married, we had a scheduled elopement to the Reservation. I won't go into all the details of the wedding itself as that would be off topic, but silver is the preferred metal of the Native People and we chose that for our bands as well.

I had been getting catalogs from a silversmith for almost 30 years, and loved his work, so naturally his work was what we wanted to wear on our hands. Our rings are unique because the have the Hebrew scripture of Ruth : " Wherever thou goest, I will follow."

I was recently at a doctor's appointment and my doctor got excited when he saw our rings. He asked to see them and translated them for us. Although they look the same to us, he said mine was the feminine and his was the masculine translation of "Wherever you are, I will be also." I know it's all translation, but I like the second version better because it is about being in presence together. The more commonly known translation sounds like I'm in a state of constant chasing. Yes, I know it's a statement of loyalty, but I prefer the idea of "constant presence" over "constant pursuing" . . . . ;-)

As far as style, I also prefer the channel set unless the setting is very substantial and I don't have to worry about losing a stone. I wore a channel set ring for years before we got married. It was a ring a had purchased myself before I met my husband, just because I wanted it. He got me a small "token" ring for the kneeling, but it was too fragile for everyday wear. We always knew we wanted silver and saw no reason to waste money on a huge solitaire set in gold.

About the jeweler we chose, he also does a lot of religious pieces. For a wedding present, I got my husband (an avid fisherman) the "Fisher of Men" bracelet, that looks like links of fishing swivel do-dads. I also got us a set of crosses that are meant to be worn separately, but fit inside one another as a single cross. It is the "Shared Faith" cross. For me, I got the solitaire of my dreams - a blue topaz set in silver for my wedding present.

We also got two butterflies from a local farm and released them during our ceremony. It is a Native American legend that butterflies carry your wishes to Creator. It made a very memorable occasion.

Bottom line ? Do what you want and you'll be happiest. Wear what you want because it is a symbol of your devotion to each other - and you want that to represent you in the most accurate way possible. Don't worry about what other people think or do because EVERYONE wants to have a unique wedding. Why not start with the engagement ?

Please keep us posted and if anyone want the name of the jeweler I used, just Google "James Avery Craftsmen". He is online now and has several studios in many states. I guarantee you will not be disappointed !!!!!

Sep 09, 2007 @ 02:41 pm
Ali de Bold

So sweet!

Loved your story, Scents! Congratulations!!
Sep 10, 2007 @ 11:08 pm

wedding rings

my dream ring was having my grandmother's opal in platinum surrounded by itty bitty diamonds resized (I inherited it) but it was such an antique they said it would shatter in a zillion pieces.

I did not want a diamond. i told my boyfriend (now husband) that diamonds are clear and thus boring. i wanted my favorite color, blue. I have a channel set anniversary style of alternating blue and white sapphires. We were also on a college budget back then :)

And i bought my husband's band. But i'm glad he was there to pick it out because he ended up with this special comfort style that is concave on the outside AND inside. i never would have even looked for something like that. and when i wear my 2 bands they are the same width as his one band.

my rings never get caught on anything.

we wanted to get ours engraved but it was going to take 6-8 wks to get them back and the wedding was closer than that. So don't wait till the last minute!
Sep 13, 2007 @ 01:53 pm

I got a ring today!

We've made the plunge. Our engagement is now officially official! There's no suspense or drippy romanticism to share, just practicality.

I showed him samples online of what I'd like. A while later he sent me a link for a ring he picked out to see if that matched up w/ what I had in mind. Then 2 weekends ago we shopped around at local stores to see rings in person. We didn't buy anything then b/c the showcase items were never my size (teeny size 5) and would take 6 weeks to be resized!! So we came back home, got online, and ordered the ring he'd picked out all along. W/ the click of the purchase button he asked me to marry him! LOL!! Awwww. ;-) Hadn't dreamed it'd happen like it did, but at the same rate, I'd do it no other way. :-D
Oct 15, 2007 @ 11:58 pm
Scents Of Peace

Congrats !!!

I think it's romantic . . . .
Oct 16, 2007 @ 04:01 am
Ali de Bold


Spotty, I'm so thrilled for you!!!! Congrats!!!! When is the wedding??
Oct 16, 2007 @ 09:32 pm

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