Finding the porn stash.

Anonymous

Have any of you have ever seen the episode of That 70s Show when Donna finds Eric's playboy/porno magazine stash?

Well basic story: she finds the stash, gets really, really angry, and doesn't trust him. They get into a fight, well really it was more like she was just extremely angry... relationship goes over a ditch.
Any of you girls have this happen to you? If you did, how did you react? Now it is way more graphic than it was back in the 70s, with webcam girls and porn all over the internet.

And if any guy are reading this: if you don't mind please explain, why? (keep in mind you can respond anonymously as well - girls too!) Why is it that men need porn so much? Is the need to oggle at slutty girls on the net really that necessary just to unload yourselves? And how would you feel if you're girlfriend had tons of pcitures of naked men on her computer?

Ladies, would you be angry if you found porn sites and webcam girls on your man's website history? What would you do?

Anonymous

I'd be Pissed!!

I'm totally anti-porn. I think it's all about objectification of women (men do it to women, women doing it to themselves). Any guy who dates me knows porn is a no-fly zone. I think it's trashy and people who do that must be trashy as well.

I'd kick a guy like that to the curb and go find a real man who doesn't need a fantasy world that involves cheap sluts.

Anonymous

Mad.

Yeah I would be mad if I found a stash in his house. It has never happened to me but I would be angry. I have seen the guys friend send him dirty attachments in emails which did not make me happy but i was willing to let it go because it was someone else sending it to him, not him seeking it out.

Madison

The stash: Uncovered

I figured out the truth about my fiance's porn stash a few months ago. I was logging in to my email, and found that the history had been erased. I asked him about it. I was PMSing, and was a little more uptight about it than I usually would be, and eventually, he broke .
"You were at work..."
So I pushed a little more.
"You don't pay for it, do you? What websites? What are your favorites? What do you do?"
He was so embarassed, but I was soaking it up.
I still think it a totally hilarious - they are just so cheesy. I know he doesn't need them to get off, and I'm confident that he finds me sexy. All the porn does is buy me a little more sleep every now and then, and a good giggle. He tells me every time, and feels guilty about it. I'd rather he just do it than keep it a secret - it just creates a bigger problem that what I think it really is. I knowhis sexual appitite is greater than my own, and I'd rather he be sitting on the sofa taking care of it without any secrets between us.

Anonymous

Madison, you crack me up!

You know, I have to say that I can't disagree with what you said. The fact that he tells you is a really good sign. Who knows what goes on in most guys heads? The truth is they are probably doing all sorts of stuff anyway. A girlfriend of mine found out that her man whacks off daily regardless of how regular their sex life is/isn't and it makes her crazy. I say it's the motive that's important.

To the other side, however, I hate porn in principle as the ultimate objectification and denigration of women. I also know that my hubby would hit the roof if I ever took a peek at male porn. Not an enrichment to the relationship in any way.

I guess what I'm saying is, the medium itself is despicable, but the activity might not be depending on the level of honesty (as in Madison's little story) in how it's used. Having said all that, I don't want my husband spending too much alone time in the bathroom either!

Anonymous

could be worse

This guy I used to date had enough porn for probably 100 people. At first it kind of bothered me, I went through all the questions like 'am I not pleasing him? does he not find me sexy?' etc.
But then I realized, that I'd much rather him be looking at porn than be out there doing that stuff with a real person. Porn is all about fantasy for guys - and while I may not be the biggest fan of the stuff (I think it's ridiculous and cheesy), I don't really think anyone has the right to tell them to stop watching it.
You could always do what I did, which is watch it with them - after awhile it starts to become pretty funny, and it's something you can 'share' together.
My point is, I don't think that someone watching porn is a reason to dump them - men are built completely differently from women, from what I've heard they need visual stimuli to get turned on, so I really do not think this is worth getting mad over.

Ali de Bold

Not a fan of porn

While I think it's good that Madison's BF is up front with her, I don't think I could be that cool about it (though good for you that you are!) I agree with anonymous and anonymous :P that porn is the ultimate objectification of women and that it sells an unrealistic ideal of how women should look and behave.

I'm confident in myself and my relationship but I would question why he needs to supplement our sex life by oggling other women. I wouldn't tolerate it in my relationship the same way he wouldn't want me checking out other guys (real or "fake").

Anonymous

Honesty and double standard crap

If there is honestly, then maybe it could work. Madison, the porn watching with your fiance was more acceptable because he's honest about it. But if your man tells you he doesn't watch it, and then you catch him in the act, well then that is an entirely different story.

You totally have a right to tell them to stop watching it if you don't like it at all!

Anonymous who posted before misschickie:
I'm sure this guy who had enough porn for 100 people wouldn't like it if you had something of a similiar sort. It is unfair to women to say that it is not worth getting mad over, excusing men for their actions ("oh, men will be men!"). I HATE the excuse that men are built "differently than women". I'm sure if this guy found this sort of male eye candy stash, then he would react angrily, jealous and hurt as well (just like a woman would!).

Misschickie said that her husband wouldn't want her checking out other men, real or fake, and I think that goes for most men out there who are in a relationship. This double standard idea of men needing it for "fantasy" reasons for porn is an excuse for them to objectify women and let them do whatever they want. Stop letting them get away with it!!!!!!!!

If you know your man wouldn't like you doing it, then you shouldn't just allow him to do it. It's just disrespectful to yourself.

Anonymous

double standard

to the previous poster,
I'm the person who posted about the guy who had "enough porn for 100 people" and actually, in his defence (although he may not deserve it lol) he would actually give me stuff to watch (I never did, though), so yeah, he was cool with me watching 'guy porn' (although I had no interest in doing so).
Obviously it varies from person to person, but honestly it didn't bother me at all - I think as long as you're honest about watching it, then it's okay - it's not like they're cheating on you or anything.

Anonymous

truthfulness

I think women who say it totally doesn't bother them at all are not entirely truthful. If you were checking out other guys (real and online), and not necessarily in a porn sense your partner would not like it either way.

It's like going to a bar and obviously checking out the opposite sex, no one likes that.

I think it depends on how committed/honest/in love you are with each other. The more a couple is in love and committed, the more of an issue something like porn becomes.

Madison

Porn v. Love?

I have to disagree. I don't think my acceptance of porn reflects how much I care about my boyfriend.
I think the issue arises when you take your boyfriend's (or husband's) sexual needs personally. In my opinion, he could get off to anything with a waist and boobs. so I don't find the need to compare myself to his porno hotties. I don't think that love and sexuality are interdependant. He doesn't need (or have) any emotional connection with them. In the end, it is me he snuggles up to, and makes hot chocolate for. I'm the one he's committed to - not some sleezy pic on the screen.
Of course I'd feel better if he could only do it with me, but lets face it... that isn't the case. So I sigh and let it go - I pick my battles, and dishes comes first.