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Guilty feeling from the past ..


I had been dated this guy last year who I really liked but later on, we broke up because I had been posted and we had some tiny issues going on as well. A few months later, I met this guy who led me on and we ended up sleeping together. He was my first and hurt me pretty badly.
I am currently, back with my ex and we’ve been together for a while. I’m very happy with him but..
I feel that I have a burden with the guy that I had been seeing. He knows that I had been seeing this guy but I never went into detail. I think he has an idea that I slept with him but I never asked because it’s a sentimental topic and I am a person who keeps their business to themselves. I’d like to tell him so I don’t feel this “burden” but at the same time I’m afraid of his reaction?
I was about to tell him last night and then I froze. I couldn’t do it, I told him I’d tell him another time and that’d he would need to be patient. Today, he asked about what I had to say and that’d he’d like to hear it when he comes over. I am nervous and don’t know if I should say it, it was in the past and we weren’t together at the time but I feel this weight on my chest?

Nov 16, 2010 @ 03:45 pm

9 Replies

Ali de Bold

You kind of have to now

I think since you've already told him you need to tell him something, you have to spill. He will probably be upset even though you weren't together. Just tell him you want to be completely open and honest with him and that you have no feelings for that guy anymore whatsoever. I think that's the best you can do. Good luck!
Nov 16, 2010 @ 10:10 pm


If you really care for this guy, and want an open and honest relationship with him, you have to eventually get the dirt from the past out in the open, sooner rather than later. Yes, he may get upset, but hopefully he will understand, especially since you guys were broken up then...

Stay strong girl! Let us know how he reacts!
Nov 16, 2010 @ 10:22 pm

You need to tell him

It sounds like you already realize you need to tell him because its bothering you.If you dont tell him and it eventally comes out later there will be huge trust issues.You will feel better after you let him know and have a huge weight lifted off your shoulders.Yes he will be hurt and probley very angry but hopefully you two can work through it.Good Luck.
Nov 17, 2010 @ 12:22 am

my two cents

Since you already told him that you have something to tell him, I guess telling him would be the next step to take. He might be upset that he's not your first, but don't let him beat you up over it. You said you were dating him last year, dating doesn't sound that serious to me; it's not a committed relationship. Especially if you date someone briefly then break up and date someone else... the guy who led you on, well, led you on. You were sincere in your feelings for him, but because he was playing with you, he used you and left you. That makes you the victim. Being subjected to that sort of betrayal is hard enough. On top of that if your now-bf emotionally beats you up about getting played/betrayed and losing your virginity, that's terrible. It's a double whammy. Don't let him do it. If this guy was your first, and then he broke your heart, would you still be feeling guilty towards this guy? No, right? Don't let the now-bf see your guilt because that might actually make him feel justified in getting upset/mad at you for something that happened before his time.

Just tell him that you want an open and honest relationship, and because of that you're letting him know that before him you've only been with one other person...explain what happened (but imo don't go into gory details because that might give him material to talk about later), but past is past and move forward.

The only logic I can see of him having an issue with this is if he's getting down on one knee and expecting a virgin bride. You're his gf, you guys are dating, he probably expects some perks in the relationship himself, so why is it such a huge deal that you were in a relationship before?

We all have been through betrayal of one form or another, to be the victim and then be scolded and put through more hard time for being the victim ...really no good.

Best of luck! I really hope everything works out for you!!

Either way, remember if he responds to you in a truly negative way, or if he's sympathetic and upset on your behalf instead of against you, then that will give you a great insight into his character which will help you in deciding where your relationship goes.
Nov 18, 2010 @ 03:57 pm

What happened?

Did you tell him?
Nov 18, 2010 @ 04:00 pm

Thanks so much ladies! Great advise

I told him.
He responded VERY well. His exact words were that I deserved better, he said he was upset I had sex with that guy but he couldn't have stopped me and that it was in the past now and he would always love me no matter what. I'm glad I came out and said it so we can move on. I feel we are even stronger now and I no longer feel that I had a burden on my shoulders. Thanks chickies again for the advise :)
Nov 18, 2010 @ 04:23 pm
Ali de Bold

So glad to hear it!

There is truth to the old adage that honesty is the best policy! That's wonderful this has made you stronger. XOXO
Nov 18, 2010 @ 04:50 pm


That's great that he responded so well - sounds like he had a very mature reaction - he must be a really sweet guy!
Nov 18, 2010 @ 05:00 pm

*yay* !! :-)

That is SUCH good news!!! I'm sooooo happy for you gf! This guy sounds like a sweetheart!! <3 :)

I am a paranoid-expect-the-worst type of person, and really it does my heart good to hear about happy endings!!! Hearing about yours just made my day :-) *hugs*
Nov 18, 2010 @ 05:10 pm

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