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How do you cut a friend loose?


Do you just stop calling? Do you sit her down and say you don't want to be friends anymore? How do you end a friendship?

Oct 13, 2009 @ 08:54 am

4 Replies

make-up junkie

tough situation

I actually had to do this to a friend 5 years ago. She was always full of drama and had a history of girlfriends cutting her off. The situation that caused the break up was when she sent a mass email to her friends, most of them I didn't know, and cussed my friend and I out in capital letters! The reason for her anger was something out of our control but she decided to take it very personal. Anyways, she basically said she wanted nothing to do with us and not to bother contacting her. I responded and told her that it was not necessary for her to send a mass email and she should have talked with us privately like mature grown women (she's in her late 30's now). I was happy to cut her off because I had had enough of her childish self-centered behaviour.

At a mutual friend's wedding 4 years later, she came up to my friend and I and apologized. My husband had warned me about accepting her back in but I was ready to forgive and forget. It's been a couple of years later and I've realized she hasn't changed. Rather than causing more drama I tend to keep my distance and never make plans with her anymore. The most contact will be on FB.

How long was your friendship and what's causing the need for a break up? I think it depends on the situation but honesty is always the best way. Sometimes friendships just dissolve on their own which ultimately means you weren't really friends to begin with. If you think the friendship is worth having a sit down talk then do it. It's hard to avoid someone if you know mutual people or live in the same city.
Oct 14, 2009 @ 05:20 pm
make-up junkie

forgot to add...

I believe some people are meant to come and go in our lives. If this person is having a negative impact on your life like causing unnecessary drama etc., then you're probably better off ending it. However, sometimes a bit of honesty is all it takes to make a person change and be a better friend! :)
Oct 14, 2009 @ 05:27 pm


I have recently had to make this sort of decision. I found that I had to try harder with her than I do in a relationship with a significant other, and that just feels like unnecessary work. I agree with make-up-junkie, if she is bringing a lot of unnecessary drama into your life then sometimes it is best to cut a friend loose. I have tried talking things out with this friend a few times but the bottom line is that she will always believe she is right and so whatever I say is falling on deaf ears....therefore I have decided to just keep my distance. Sometimes you can talk to people and try to work things out and other times you can just let them fizzle on their own. It depends on the friendship and on whether you both want to make it work or go your own way.
Oct 14, 2009 @ 07:01 pm

Hard to say... but I agree.

I have had to cut friends loose too and I didn't feel so great doing it. It's difficult, because I found I really had to sit down and assess whether or not the relationships were really working on both sides. And you know that even though you aren't friends anymore, you will always have those memories that will make you think back to the good and fun times you shared together when the friendship was alive and healthy. I think this why we forgive the person sometimes and want to keep that friend in our lives. I can see why Joy, you forgave your friend after all those years, because at one point you two probably shared something very special.

I do think that sometimes it does have to do with whether or not you feel that you have that chemistry and it works for both friends and relationships. Sounds so lame, but it's true. Perhaps you both felt like you had something when you first met, but then later found out that it's not working out for you. I have had friends that I have known since childhood and friends that I recently made that are also dear to me. I have found, that there was something that "clicked" with those friends which is why they are my friends.

In so many ways, friendships are so much more difficult than relationships, because they do take work to maintain, especially as you get older and life gets more busy. Relationships are almost second nature, because your partner almost automatically becomes your best friend, you spend most your time together, make time for each other, and don't forget about that romantic stuff ;P - which you would never do with a friend! etc.

I think a good way to think about it is also to see whether or not you are the only one putting in the effort. If that is the case, then perhaps it is a sign that it wasn't meant to be. Ultimately you should be able to tell each other things if there are issues that bother you. Sometimes I think we keep it all bottled up only to release it at an inconvenient time or in a way which was less than ideal and can result in conflicts and misunderstandings. It's so important to feel that trust and respect that you can share with each other often.

Ending a friendship can just means letting it go by itself. While I do agree that "sometimes friendships just dissolve on their own"... I don't think that necessarily means that you weren't really friends to begin with. That person was special and a dear friend to you at one point in time in your life!
Oct 15, 2009 @ 04:49 pm

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