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How do you get back into it?!


My boyfriend and I haven't been sexually active for a while...make that a year or so. We've talked about it many time and still nothing. He's not going behind my back or anything like that so you can skip that thought. He's very affectionate, kissy and wants to curl up together all the time.
The big problem has been his work, he has a job that's really demanding physically and always comes home burnt out and exhausted. He's is usually up at 3:00 am and in bed by 6:30pm! I know he would like to have sex as much as I do but what to do to make thing happen when he has energy? I don't know how to do anymore, I almost feel akward... Ikes! 
Feb 12, 2013 @ 11:06 pm

9 Replies



That's a hard thing to do, especially since he has such a physically demanding career. The best advice I could do for you would be to set the mood. Maybe make it all about him! Since he is exhausted, maybe give him a sexy back rub - etc. You never know, it might work!
Feb 13, 2013 @ 07:07 am

That's Tough

That's a tough situation you're in because it's not like you both don't want it, it's just a matter of timing. Not only are your schedules off but people are tired when they get home from work. As unromantic as this may sound, it might make sense to schedule your sexy time. I think the physical side of the relationship is very important, so much so that it might be necessary to block out a time to spend together. Other than that, I think @katelynrose1984 has the right idea, set the mood!
Feb 13, 2013 @ 09:29 am
Ali de Bold

Is it just the exhaustion?

A year is a long time. Even for a tired man. If you are serious about this guy and see a future with him, I'd probably talk to a professional about it. Sex is really important.
Feb 13, 2013 @ 01:39 pm

I can't see anything else...

We have been together for almost 10 years now, have been living together for the past 2 and will get engaged in a near future. ( We're both in our early 30's.)
I see it in him that he is exhausted, he comes home dragging his feet, red tired eyes and has barely enough energy to have dinner.
I do know he has talked to his co-workers about this and some have experienced the same issue and have recommended him to work out more and things should balance out. Now if we could just have a bit more money for a gym membership... :S
Feb 13, 2013 @ 02:02 pm

takes 2 to tango

my husband works 6-6 shift (12 hours), so he up by 4:30 am and won't be home till 6:30 pm.

definitely helps to sleep in when he has day off, which only happens once every two weeks during weekends. Back rub, sleeping in, just watching movie together then it leads to sex. The quickies, when we attempt showers together and the lazy weekends.

I guess at first, accept the schedule as it is and don't stress it out. Once you both accept that the 12 hour shifts are normal, not having sex after work becomes normal. On days off, enjoy the company together. It's all the time you got, but make sex relaxing activity, as oppose to the high adrenaline days of early relationship. After all, the intimacy is still there...and there is fire...who knows the schedule will get better someday.

I hear you, at first - i thought the sporadic sex will keep up apart, but for a short time perhaps. till we talk and we realize that we still love each other, and we can make time for sex the relaxing way. massage, back rub, sleep in, cuddle time on his days off ............these all add up, and hopefully for you two will keep that fire burning.

Feb 14, 2013 @ 03:13 pm

I feel your pain!

My ex and I used to have this problem...his job took SO much out of him, he'd come home everyday completely drained, and he'd try his best to hang out with me but he would just end up sleeping everywhere we went. It was extremely frustrating, so I know your pain! I felt like most of the time I spent with him he was dozing or literally sleeping. But then we started a routine of: 1 scheduled sex night a week (kind of like going to the gym, make it something that you're going to do either way, and once you know it's inevitable you kind of get excited for it) and 1 new activity every weekend (he had weekends off so on saturday or sunday we would go to the park, a museum, day trip to a different city etc.) to keep things interesting.

I also think a part of the problem might be the amount of time that's elapsed since you've been intimate. It can be hard to get out of a rut, especially when you've been in it for so long! So try and set the mood one night to get the spark back (and make it soon...the longer you put it off, the more you're going to become "roommates" instead of "lovers"). A year is a substantial dry spell, so you need to get to know eachother again in an intimate manner. Yes, it might be awkward at first, but you'll find once you fall back into it, it'll be natural again!

You guys have been together this long, so i'm sure you guys can get through this. Don't give up, and remember talking about it with him is very important. Best of luck!!
Feb 14, 2013 @ 03:17 pm

Haha WELL...

...instead of spending money on a gym membership, how about you take your workouts to the bedroom? ;) Just saying, that's two birds with one stone if you ask me!!
Feb 14, 2013 @ 08:57 pm

It's a date

Thanks ladies, I appreciate all your input!
We made a 'fun' date at the naughty store tomorrow after i'm done work (ah yes...I forgot to mention our days off aren't syncing up...sigh) and will go out and see if we can find something to have fun with in the bedroom... No excuses this weekend! lol!
Feb 15, 2013 @ 09:35 pm

all the best

all the best to you and your love.

Feb 16, 2013 @ 07:52 am

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