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I can't get over him...


So I asked out this guy I've liked for like 2.5 years.  He said, "I'm flattered... But I'm not really looking for a relationship right now..."  I have a couple problems... First, I'm not sure what that means.  Does it mean he's really just not into a relationship right now, but he'll keep that in mind, or is that just a polite way of refusing?  Second... I can't stop thinking about him, no matter how hard I try.  I'm trying to let go and get over him... But I can't.  Any help?  Thanks so much!
Jun 19, 2013 @ 08:53 pm

10 Replies

Ali de Bold

Sorry to hear that :(

First of all, way to have Lady Balls and put yourself out there :). I would interpret that as not interested, but try not to let that get you down. You never know what the reasons are. He knows where you stand and if he is interested at some point, the ball is in his court. Big hugs to you!
Jun 19, 2013 @ 08:59 pm

It happens to the best of us!

Good for you!! More of us ladies need to grab the bull by the horns more often (so to speak) and just tell them like it is! :) I think all of us have been in that situation where you end up falling in love with a friend and it develops inside of you for a while and its just like a snowball by the end of it and he has no clue that its coming...I totally know where you're coming from. Depending on the guy and the situation, it could mean either of the options. Just don't let this ruin your ego! You do not need him to be an awesome, amazing, beautiful individual. Focus on other things, do things you love to do, go for a spa day with the girls! I'm currently trying to get over my ex of 2 years (first serious relationship) and those are the things that have helped me out a lot. Also, don't hold anything against him, always forgive and forget. There are 3.5 some odd billion other guys in this world, and this one just wasnt meant to be. Everything happens for a reason. Stay strong! *hugs*
Jun 20, 2013 @ 08:28 am

good for you!

@Vanderbilt27, you have more guts than I ever did! I have to echo the others and congratulate you for having the courage. I'm sorry it didn't work out like you hoped, but at least you have an answer (of sorts).

I would agree with Ali that "not looking for a relationship right now" is a gentle "no thanks". If he was interested in a FWB or 1-night stand, he would have phrased it differently or even allowed you to think he would consider a relationship.

Who knows what the future might bring and if there will be another chance for you 2 at some point, but for now my advice to you is to try to move on and remember that there are a lot of fish in the sea.

Good luck!
Jun 20, 2013 @ 09:56 am

Find a new muse

I have to agree with the others, I went through a similar situation recently but I never confronted him about my feelings because I knew exactly where he stood in terms of relationships. It's not easy getting over someone you liked for a long time - keep the hang outs to a minimum, the less you see/talk to him, the easier for you move on. Go out with your friends, do activities you enjoy to keep your mind occupied. Unfortunately the feelings for him will linger and come back to you and the only way you'll get over this person completely is by meeting someone new.
Jun 20, 2013 @ 11:27 am

Crushes Are Hard But--

By focusing on this guy, you'll keep the door closed for others. I know it's really hard to let go of someone who has been on your radar for so long but how else are you going to be emotionally available?

Chalk this one up as experience and a step toward emotional maturity!
Jun 21, 2013 @ 11:30 pm

What everyone else is saying.

I think that was his gentle "no", but awesome for you for asking him out in the first place.

I know it's hard to get over someone, especially when you've never really gone out with them to begin with. I had a huge crush on this guy all throughout university, and I never had the balls to actually ask him out because I had put him on such a pedestal he was untouchable. Anytime I saw him it was brief hangouts or little flirts at parties, so everything I didn't actually know about him I made up in my mind as wonderful and romantic and all that jazz. Then one night we were at a party and ended up making out, and he used way too much tongue, and he kept calling me "sexy lady" (but like 'sexuh luduh', who does that), and all of my dreamy dreams about him kind of came crashing down.

So, even though you think he's this great guy (which he very well might be), just remember that some of what you think/ feel for him is probably your own imaginary projection. The less we know about someone the more we have to make up, right.

There are tons of other guys out there though, and like lanyjoj says, the more you focus on just him the more you're not going to be receptive to other people.

Best of luck! xo
Jun 25, 2013 @ 10:36 am

quite simple

Forget him. It is the way guys try not to hurt you when they don't love you.
Jun 26, 2013 @ 05:47 pm

In response to: He said, "I'm flattered... But I'm not really looking for a relationship right now..."

Just be patient and don't try to force things. What he said most likely means that he is simply not looking to be tied down right now.. or it could mean that he is simply looking for some fun. Either way, at this moment, he's not right for you. You don't want to find yourself in an awkward situation. It's perfectly fine to fantasize about this guy, we all do it. Don't try to make the feelings go away, just ride it out. But understand that something just may not come of it and that's ok. It's ok to be alone. Focus on yourself and other things that make you happy. When it's time for you to find the right person you will!
Jun 26, 2013 @ 07:28 pm

Thank you!

Thank you, everyone; your advice really helped me out. I just tried to be happy despite it. And a couple days ago, I found someone new who actually likes me back! :)
Jul 06, 2013 @ 05:17 pm
Ali de Bold


I just saw your update. I'm so happy to hear things are going well for you!
Jul 10, 2013 @ 09:54 pm

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