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I Have Been Catfishing My Abusive Ex-Boyfriend for Two Months

Anonymous

Well - there it is. The truth is out. I have been cat-fishing my abusive ex-boyfriend for two months now.

If anyone is unfamiliar with the term, "cat-fishing" pertains to the act of portraying oneself as another person online with the intent of connecting with another person(s) as this identity. Often, for romantic or sexual gain.

But, that is not my motif. At least, upon the surface. I think...

My ex-boyfriend was emotionally, physically, and twice sexually abusive towards me for five years. Somehow, I stayed and offered, much too often, empathy and forgiveness rather than demanding the basic respect and loving that I was deserving of and rightfully due. Our relationship began when I was seventeen, and it strained my already turbulent relationship with my family - leading to me moving out shortly thereafter, and within the year, living with him. I keep telling myself that I don't have an "abuser complex" or a "victim complex" towards him, but I think that I just may.

I often e-mailed him when I left him. That's right - I left him, yet keep going back emotionally. Despite being in a now-happy, fruitful, fulfilling, loving, and respectful relationship with a great man whom offers me a wonderful future and so much understanding... I think of my ex.

So - what did I do recently - I made a fake profile on Twitter to check up on him. Borne of pure curiosity... and some bitter feelings spared from our past connection... I made sure that the profile was believable, gained followers, interacted with others. Then I followed him. And the worst occurred... he messaged the profile. Uh-oh.

One message lead to another, and I was forming a "relationship" with him. Twice I have outed from it, but gone back with an excuse like "sorry, I was admitted to the hospital" or "I've been having a rough time".

Part of me loves it. He is actually in love with this faux-femme I have created, and he is totally obsessed with her. Part of me knows that this connection is fatal to my relationship and mental health - that it's a desperate attempt to control a love from my past that I could not escape, and could not control then. The lies keep building and the facade keeps thickening... but I know that I have to let this whole charade go.

I'm addicted to knowing I can hurt him with this "girl", because I never found resolve from the abuse he put me through back when we were together. I've found, through the catfish connection, that his life is still very lonely, he cannot find another relationship, often compares them to me or Tweets about me, and is still an angry, abusive man who pretends to be "Zen and Buddhist" to attempt hiding his terrible truths.

But I am an awful person for doing this, despite the contrast.

Advice?
Mar 11, 2017 @ 11:42 am

25 Replies

RaeBlair

Wow, what can you possibly say about this?

This is heavy............ MY GOD GIRL............. Abort mission STAT

I have been there with abuse too. You need to let him go and realize that this will not erase what he's done to you or how he's hurt you. You're sinking to his level by pretending to be somebody you aren't. Just move forward and let the past be the past.
Mar 11, 2017 @ 11:45 am
Shystarr79

:)

It would probably be in your best interest to let him go so you can move on and find someone that will make you happy and treat you with the love and respect that everyone deserves.
Mar 11, 2017 @ 12:08 pm
Anonymous

catfishing

I believe in live and forget. It's over, why waste your time when you could be doing something better? Too much anguish
Mar 11, 2017 @ 12:17 pm
skye22

.

Though I don't have any worthy advice to help you (truly sorry!), I just had to make a comment and I really hope you don't find it insensitive! I mean it with the best intention! You're post was really well written, and frankly extremely captivating. I think this would make for a very interesting novel or even film--the modern/internet era, suspense/drama sort. You don't often hear the voice of the catfish and it's very enlightening to understand that perspective and learn what may underpin the motives of a catfish.

Again, I hope you don't think i'm trying to 'romanticize' your current experience! I can tell you're struggling, and for that I wish you the best.
Mar 11, 2017 @ 01:11 pm
xoliana

.

I think you need to cut all ties. Even if you're not seeing him, by messaging him -- even under a false identity -- you're still allowing and welcoming this toxic person into your everyday activities. This type of thing still has an effect on the stability of your wellbeing. Just let him go.
Mar 11, 2017 @ 01:11 pm
lindacavezza

Let him go!

OMG! You have to let him go. No ifs about it. You admittedly acknowledge that he abused you in more way the one. You left him once. Now you have to really leave him. Time to take care of you.
Mar 11, 2017 @ 01:22 pm
danaorgnero

:(

Oh girl :( my heart aches for you. You need to let him go. Delete the Twitter profile and move forward. This is extremely self harming behaviour that will not end in a positive light.
Mar 11, 2017 @ 02:18 pm
Anonymous

@skye22

I am a writer - perhaps I could use this as inspiration, and invest my energy in the fictitious rather than a factual cat-fishing. I haven't found your comment insensitive whatsoever - don't fret!
Mar 11, 2017 @ 09:23 pm
Anonymous

,

Thank-you to everyone for your responses. I truthfully expected to be burned at the stake with poor reception after admitting this wrongdoing... but you are all such supportive and empathetic persons. I truly appreciate it. I... am deleting the profile. ASAIC: as soon as I can.

It's like letting go all over again. I recognize how unhealthy this is to me... but it's like I've re-addicted myself to this toxic energy and I'm swirling around the drain, like a moon around a planet.
Mar 11, 2017 @ 09:25 pm
megvdlz

..

I have been there too girl, and even though it may be amusing and make you feel powerful over him (for a refreshing change) you will have TRUE and real power once you let go and forget about him because he is irrelevant and you are special.
Mar 12, 2017 @ 07:13 am

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