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I Need Some Advice!


I have a very strained relationship with my parents. I just don't get along with them. We can live together but I've always felt as if I were walking around on egg shells. I have never been physically abused my either parent but sometimes I feel that they have been abusive verbally in the past. In high school, it got so bad I pretty much would cry everyday and would have mental break downs whenever we would argue, I would just be shaking with frustration and anger. I am now almost 20 years old and am finishing my first year at an art college. Things have gotten better between my parents and I but I still feel like my home isn't my home... I was hoping to become a teacher by doing the BAA and B.Ed which is a five year program between my college and the university. But, here is where I am having some troubles. Before I started school, I thought of moving out to just get away from my family with my boyfriend of three years however we were both broke and thought we should try to get our careers going first. He is in a trades program. I also had to go to college right after high school or else I wouldn't have had any $ from my Dad as he and my Mom are divorced and he had to pay for 1/3 of my schooling for my first degree...My parents military coverage also wouldn't cover me if I didn't continue with my schooling so I felt very over-whelmed and thought this was the safest route to go. I have been enjoying school but I am still unhappy at home. Things are better but still tense at times. I was thinking the other night and I plan on moving out this summer if I can. My boyfriend's grandparents' house might be going up for sale as they had past away sometime ago and their family doesn't want to rent it out anymore. It's sentimental to my boyfriend and I as we were close with his grandparents. Though, at the moment it is still being rented by my boyfriend's cousin who is pregnant and might be moving in with her boyfriend who lives closer to his cousin's work but we aren't sure and don't want to ask if she is moving just yet. We were going to buy the house and take out a loan to due so. But, keep in mind, we are both just going to be starting out with full-time jobs and don't have much, if any, savings so this is quite scary. I'm worried of moving out and it becoming to over-whelming with bills. I will only make 20,000 a year if I work full-time and I will loose my Father's financial support and my mother's health coverage. My boyfriend might go out West for a bit and I can possibly go under his work plan but again, we don't know. I've sat down and wrote up a list of expenses for a month up to an entire year but nothing is like the real deal and expenses come up that you don't plan for. I plan on going back to school in three years so I can possibly get the government to help me out with school then but until that time I thought I would get full-time work, a place to live and not have to worry about being stressed out with my parents. I feel excited about this opportunity but I am nervous and don't want to make a bad decision. I know I can provide for myself as far as cooking and cleaning but it's the money factor I am a little worried about, especially buying a home without any savings to put towards it. I know we would get a good deal on the home as we would be dealing with my boyfriend's family but it's still going to be at least $40,000. Not to mention the house needs some major renovating as it was built by my boyfriend's grandfather. The bathroom is the size of a closet and the tub has definitely seen better days but thank god I have a wonderful handy man to help me out! :) Please help give me your input on all this... I don't even know if I will be able to move into this house but I am hoping to know in a couple of months. If we don't get this house, I don't know if I will be moving out. I probably will continue with my schooling and continue to live with my parents for the next 4 years as schooling will only get more expensive as I move onto university. I have always been a planner and a practical girl. School comes first but this feels "right" in my heart. Life throws you curve balls. I love my family but I can only stand them in small dosages. I think moving out would make out relationship better and me less stressed and unhappy. I would love being able to be closer with my boyfriend as well as we live an hour apart and have been together for almost 3 and 1/2 years. His family will only live a few minutes down the road from us and we get along great. I have two possible jobs that are available to me full-time in the town as well so it could just work out. I just am worried as I don't know if we will even get the house, if we can afford bills (mortgage), etc. I will have to apply for schooling for my coming year soon and I don't want to until everything is done. I might even continue schooling but only as a part-time student but I am not sure. I just want to worry about this but this is such a big move. My boyfriend is 19 and I am 20. He is going to be in his 2nd block for his trades program so we will both have an income of close to 20,000 each. That means 40,000 a year before taxes approximately. Please give me some advise. Maybe you have had a similar experience? Anything will help!

Thanks! :)

Feb 04, 2014 @ 10:09 pm

2 Replies


an apartment

Have you considered instead of moving into a house how about a small cheap apartment for now so you won't have to stress about the bills and later on when you have enough money than you can move into a house. You and your boyfriend can start saving while youre in the apartment for a house.. hopes this helps
Feb 22, 2014 @ 07:34 pm

Think before you do anything drastic

You are at the stage in your life where a lot of young adults find themselves. Often times at that age young adult think they have everything figured out, and they believe that there parents don't understand. Well look at it this way, they have been 20 before so they have and idea of what you are going through as they were there before; thing is you have never been there age and wisdom often times comes with age. As for buying a house with your boyfriend, it may sound exciting but i would not advise you to do that. You said the house needs fixing so that is added funds that neither you or your boyfriend currently have. While it is ok to make financial projections nothing is certain and the thing with money is that oftentimes it never go as planned.

I would say to you take things slow, and see if you can tolerate you parents for a while, and finish up your education. By doing that it takes some of the financial pressure off when you get older, as you would not have an exorbitant student loan to repay. It is never easy to have that pressure of having to repay loans right as you get your first job. There will be time for love after you finish school.

Feb 23, 2014 @ 03:54 pm

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