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Is it cheating?


I really like this girl but she has rejected to go out with me so many times. I am still trying to ask her out though.
But is it cheating if i ask someone else out while i am still trying to get this other girl out?
Of course my heart is really set on the girl i like. But its so frustrating. I have things with common with her but she doesn't give me much chance to spend time with her to develop anything.
We talk often on MSN and we ran into each other twice before.
Apr 15, 2008 @ 03:19 pm

9 Replies


Not in my books...

You're not dating this girl, and she's already said no, so no it wouldn't be cheating if you asked another girl out. If she were to come and try throw it in your face later, let her know she had her chance with you, but lost it.
Though if you do start dating the new girl, and get serious, I'd say you'll have to let the first girl go. It's not fair to hold on to one girl, just until the other decides she may finally want you.
Apr 15, 2008 @ 04:12 pm


Well i actually went out with this other girl last year. We do have things in common but I just can't feel it with her. I know she likes me.
I guess i shouldn't ask this other girl out then.
I really am hoping that persistence pays off. I really like the first girl.
Apr 15, 2008 @ 04:36 pm
Ali de Bold


I wouldn't ask someone out if you are not interested in her. That is just not fair to either of you.

It is also really important to respect the girl that you do like. If she is telling you no, respect her space and don't keep pursuing her. In my experience, the guys that couldn't take no for an answer ended up turning stalkers because they had control issues. You definitely don't want to be perceived in that way.

If she does like you, she will come around in her own time. She will notice that you have stopped paying extra attention to her and she may realize she misses that. However, there is no guarantee. Just trust that the more you persist the less interested she will become. It's just human nature.

Good luck!
Apr 15, 2008 @ 05:08 pm

Ok I will listen.

I guess i will just take Miss Chickie's words and stop pursuing the girl i really like.
Yeah i am terrible in getting a relationship. I can't say much about keeping one as I had only truely dated once.
Apr 15, 2008 @ 05:47 pm
Ali de Bold

change your priorities

I know it's really frustrating being single if you want to be in a relationship but the best way to change that is to change your mindset. Don't see your singleness as a bad thing. See it as a chance to explore and learn more about yourself. It's a great opportunity to try new things: take up a new hobby, take a class that is not related to your degree and just for fun, take a trip somewhere you have always wanted to go.

While you are enjoying your life, you will become happier, more self-assured and more attractive. People are drawn to someone because they confident, happy and full of life. The best way to achieve that is to live that.

You will also appreciate whomever you end up with much more when you find them because you have used your single time well.
Apr 15, 2008 @ 06:18 pm

About try different things.

I picked up Salsa dancing last year. It was fun. But I don't think we should expect to meet anyone there.
I was even wondering if i should try those Singles event. THere is a thing here call Meet Market where they host different type of singles event. Have anyone tried them? What about speed dating?
I really want to have kids. So i worry that by the time i find a gf/wife, she would be way too old to have kids.
Apr 15, 2008 @ 06:59 pm

Finding someone when you least expect it!

It can be a hard world out there for singles, but there is also a lot of opportunity for yourself to explore new things and meet tons of different people (and not just for dating!).

I am not one to judge exactly how you're feeling, but life can be frustrating and difficult when you're always looking for that special someone.

One thing that I can say is singleness = FREEDOM! Really, you get to do what you want without constantly having to think about another person. You also get so much more time to yourself, and you also learn a lot about yourself!

I have also found that often people I know had met the love of their lives when they least expect it, not necessarily when they were looking specifically for a life partner. You might meet someone while taking time out for yourself - you never really know!

It's nice to take it easy and enjoy life as a single dude (and by this I don't mean by becoming a man-slut!). From a woman's perspective, I am sure that there are many women out there who find that attractive. Don't worry so much about finding a girlfriend... and then maybe she will come to you!
Apr 15, 2008 @ 08:25 pm

No desperados

I know it's tough wanting to share a relationship with someone, feeling alone. I have several friends who've dated just to be with someone, anyone. It never works and they are worse off for it in the end.

I agree with MissChickie; persisting where you've been given clear signals to cool off will get you nowhere, and very possibly on the blacklist. Someone pursued me too hard in high school - I was so irritated that in my incredible immaturity I bad-mouthed him to all my friends. To my knowledge, he's still single 10+ years later. He really wasn't my type and I seriously doubt I would have ever been convinced to date him, but I would not have advised friends against him if he would have played things a little less intense. Don't be desperate!

Artist is right; you should enjoy your singleness. Date casually and spend time with friends. Be cool and the women will be attracted to your self-confidence. The right girl is worth waiting for, and there are many young women who will gladly date an older guy (so don't worry about ending with an infertile old maid down the road!), especially one who's successful in his career and has a wide range of interests and passions.

I truly regret the way I treated that guy all those years ago, but I hope you can learn from my experience that if you act desperate, it will put you in a position of weakness - this is never attractive. The desirable female always goes for the alpha male. There's your Discovery Channel lesson for the day.
Apr 16, 2008 @ 10:17 am


I don't think you did anything that damage that guy for 10 years.
I was desperate and did crazy things when i was in highschool too.
But i still got my first gf in 2001. It was good while it lasted 5 months. We even went on a two person ski trip. I did everything with her.
Then i went out with a girl for 4 years. She was just using my feelings. And ended after i found her cheat on me. now i only know how she is doing when she get charged or there is an arrest warrant for her. haha
So i think it really depends on the person.
Apr 16, 2008 @ 02:06 pm

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