Just a friend?

on Jun 17, 2012 @ 04:38 pm

So I dated this guy for a bit but it didn't work out and he said we were just friends. I do still like him but I'm ok with just being friends. The only thing is it we don't act like it so much. Here are some examples:

-We contact each other everyday, multiple times a day in various ways. We'll constantly text each other throughout the day, call each other a few times and see each other almost everyday. (We live very close to each other). One day I left my phone at home and when I got back he had sent me 4 texts and phoned me 5 times.

-We'll spend whole days together. One day he asked me to go to the beach with him (though I couldn't go). We'd spend a day playing frisbee, having dinner, seeing a movie and drinking afterwards. It lasted from 2pm - 2am. We spent a day hanging out watching the 2 games of the Euro Cup, he made me dinner, we hung out and watched tv afterwards.

-Sometimes we'll hold hands and cuddle. Recently he initiated these things. But in a few months, there's been no escalation beyond this. We haven't kissed or anything.

-We just had a fight and it's affecting me as if we're in a relationship b/c I don't know what'll happen from here. If he'll even contact me again or not. I have no idea if he cares b/c we're "just friends".

So far I've just been taking things as they come and not labelling it as anything. I'm ok with that until the recent fight that we had. And I just wanted some other opinions on it. What do you guys think?


7 Replies

let it be on Jun 18, 2012 @ 12:14 am

I would let it be. This is a good time for you to see how he reacts, which will ultimately tell you how he really feels, if this is just "friends" for him as well or if it will also affect his like something more.

If it was his idea to be just friends and you agreed, then it you should behave as if you were just friends. If he realizes that it progressed and its affecting him, then I am sure he will let you know.

Friendzoned on Jun 18, 2012 @ 10:56 am

Hm. If you guys are holding hands and cuddling and he initiates it, it obviously means he has feelings for you. However, once you go down that "more than friends" road, it is hard to get back to being just friends. Maybe thats why he hasn't done anything more?

I think the reason you are fighting is because you are both conflicted and confused about the relationship. I think if he means a lot to you, as a friend or otherwise, contact him and talk it out. But keep in mind, you have two choices here: either a. tell him you want something more and try it out or b. reconcile your friendship but keep it totally platonic, but that means the cuddling has to stop!

Good luck!

have a serious talk! on Jun 18, 2012 @ 03:04 pm

I think you need to have a serious chat about what his intentions are by doing these things and let him know that it's confusing you! I went through something similar with a guy just last yr. I really liked him and despite us having the 'just friend' talk, I always hoped for more and we'd do the same things you guys are! At the end of the day, we had one big blow out about it and ended up not talking for 3 months. Eventually we talked it out and I explained that my feelings hadn't gone away and I was waiting for him to maybe develop some, and that his actions were confusing me and straight up he told me he just liked the attention and didn't mean to confuse me. It hurt to hear because I had invested so much in that year, but it was what I needed to hear! You can move on from that point, or else you're just left wondering!

Update! on Aug 23, 2012 @ 12:52 pm

So to update this thread, we are still just friends. After the fight previously mentioned things went back to as they were. He said he didn't think we'd work out long term and that's why we are friends.

He has been dating other girls and though we still spend a lot of time together we don't text/talk as much as we used to. I still like him very much so this change in behavior is really crappy but there's nothing I can do. I just wished he liked me or that I could start again with him and try to make things work out a bit better :(

Sweetie - Just move on on Aug 29, 2012 @ 08:51 am

I have been where you've been not too long ago. With the signs that he is showing I think it is high time to leave things in the friend zone - meaning no cuddles and hand holding (Friends don't do these things).

It is tough because you cannot choose who you like, it just happens.
Your heart wants what the heart wants.
Also it takes time to get over someone. I wish you luck.

Move On! on Sep 05, 2012 @ 05:59 pm

I definitely agree with your update. I think it would be better for you to just leave things in the Friend Zone, and forget the cuddles and hand holding. Honestly, the faster you can get the emotions out of the picture, the better you will feel. I actually went through a similar situation, and we made it clear to each other that we were just friends. A few months later, he started to date another girl, pushed me to the curb.. and I was heartbroken! I wish I ended it sooner.

Ali de Bold
Shut it down on Sep 06, 2012 @ 01:12 pm

I think part of what makes this so hard for you is that certain lines have been crossed. Friends don't cuddle and hold hands. I think you need space from him. He is going to continue dating other women while you watch from the sidelines and that is going to really hurt you. A good friendship shouldn't hurt you.

I think you should stop spending time with him and invest yourself in other friendships. Real, platonic friendships that don't have the complications of romance. Save dating for someone who deserves it.

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