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mother/daughter relationship struggles


My daughter and I cant seem to get along, she is very cold and I am over-sensitive.  She is 20 still lives at home, part time with me part time with her dad.  We seem to fight about everything, cell phone time, how she is not very considerate helping me with things, puts her friends first.
She is in university and gets great grades, works hard in school but I worry she will be one of those cold hearted women when she gets into the real world.  I dont know what to do, I have had many talks about it with her which usually ends in me crying.  I feel like I am losing her
Oct 15, 2016 @ 05:47 pm

17 Replies


mine too

mine is nice only when she really wants to be ...but its her attitude about things in general that bother me too....she seems very hard...but when i really think about it she is like how i was at that age... i hope things will work out for you two....hugs...
Oct 15, 2016 @ 05:54 pm

Mother/Daughter Relationship

I went through this with my son. My daughter and I have a better relationship. She has a different personality from him. It got to a point where I just let it be. I freed myself from the guilt and trying to keep him happy. His happiness especially as adults, is not my responsibility. We have a better relationship now that he is in his own relationship and living in the real world. I think some people have taken him down a notch or two. Live your life too Mom!
Oct 15, 2016 @ 07:32 pm


Blubie. Thanks my daughter is nice when she wants something too but I just hate how she talks to me, it seems so disrespectful at times. Sure not the way I spoke to my mother. Thanks for sharing I was feeling that I am the only on going thru this. Really thought we would have an adult relationship by now and be friends. I hope things get better for you too. Hugs
Oct 15, 2016 @ 09:50 pm

Thanks Vikki

I hope mine changes when she's in the real world and living on her own. I just want a good relationship with her. For me my son is very different from her and he and I get along great.
Oct 15, 2016 @ 09:53 pm


As I am daughter in a similar situation as yours, I can can attest to both how your daughter feels and her behaviour. While living with my mother I sometimes catch myself like this too and have noticed a lot of it comes from a lack of independence. At 20 you're no longer a child, but while living with your family you're still treated (even unknowingly to other family members) as one. I've been in and out of living with my parents over the last five years between university, graduate school, job searching etc. and always find that my relationship between myself and my mom has always been better, more positive and ultimately easier when I do not live at home. Sometimes being so close physically with someone you are actually quite alike to, creates butting heads, and attitude is an easy (albeit negative) reaction to this loss of, or inability to find independence in oneself. You said your daughter is a very hard worker, and try to remember that, to be that way, causes a lot of personal stress, and sometimes unfortunately that stress can be dropped on the people you trust the most.

I'm really sad to hear you fear your daughter is cold hearted. I most definitely would hope that despite differences between my mom and myself that she would see through them as a difficult period in our relationship and not a reflection of my being.

I can only offer best of luck in that things will turn up for you and your daughter, and advise not lose hope that you will get through this together! Today's challenges are not forever :)
Oct 16, 2016 @ 08:03 am


You're welcome. I know how painful it can be. We want to do so much for our kids and taking a couple steps back may help them to appreciate what you do more. My son and his gf are expecting a baby soon so I think he will have a better understanding of how tough parenting can be sometimes!
Oct 16, 2016 @ 09:22 am


Not new to me. I am a daughter that grew up in a household where the mom was just not accepting of me.As I got older and old enough to understand (15) maybe, my dad said try not to let it bother me.He also said, and I wholeheartedly believe it, that just because a person is related that does not mean that they always get along. She was never there for me, etc. but my dad made up the difference.
Oct 17, 2016 @ 10:08 am

I think It's Pretty Common

I've had a terrible relationship with my mother most of my life. It's mainly due to her strict discipline and me being rebellious.

I could say at age 20, I rarely even saw my mom, I was still at the age of wanting to have fun and finding myself. Whatever my mother said to me at the time, did not make sense to me. We fought and argue every time we see each other.

Fast forward about 6 years later, when I grew more mature and realized what life is really all about. I started appreciating my mother a lot more. I realized what she has gone through to raise me.

I'm now in my 30's and it's the opposite, I actually go to my mother for advice and take her out and etc. She is the way she is and is still difficult at times but we have a much better relationship now that I'm more mature and understand things at a different level.

What I'm getting at here is, your daughter is probably just still at that age where she wants nothing to do with her mom. Just let it be and give it some time and she will realized what a great mother you are to her and what you have gone through to raise here. She will come around. You just have to let her be until she does. Believe me, she will.

Everyone in my family including my mom would NEVER think that I would come around one day to love my mom but I did! Trust my relationship with her was terrible! It just takes time, she let me be and I came back.
Oct 17, 2016 @ 11:11 am

Thanks ladies

thank you from the bottom of my heart for your messages and support. It means a lot to me that you took the time to post your thoughts. Great advice, I am going to try my best, I love my daughter so much and wont ever give up on one day having a great relationship with her. I am very proud of her and hope this is just a bump in the road.

I think I want my relationship with her to be better than the one I had with mymom, who was overbearing, critical and never accepted me for who I am. I so much want a better relationship for us.

Hugs to all of you wonderful ladies/moms/daughters.
Oct 17, 2016 @ 02:58 pm


These stories make me so sad. I just recently lost my mother and I would give my eye teeth just to have one more conversation with her...

Wish everyone the very best in your circumstances...Truly!
Oct 22, 2016 @ 11:29 am

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