My Boyfriend.....And his friend and I?!

on Jan 07, 2009 @ 07:49 pm

Okay, don't go thinking after you read this that I'm some type of " Man-Cheater" because that is definitely the last thing that I'd ever do!!

So, I have a boyfriend- who I've been dating for a while now but he is really shy and I find myself looking for someone else to connect with, like his more not-so-shy wasn't suppose to happen, I was drunk. We kind of made-out, got a bit too close.

I felt really bad, I told my boyfriend's friend that I didn't remember the night and asked him to explain what happened--- he ummmm just said we got close but I didn't cheat....So, he pretty much lied to me.

I don't know what to do, I can't bring myself to tell my boyfriend...I feel caught in this relationship. I want some distance but I don't?!

Ladies, please help me...I've never been in such a weird and complicated position as I am feeling now.

6 Replies

know who and what you want! on Jan 07, 2009 @ 09:10 pm

I'm reading this and thinking 'she doesn't know who she'd rather date'. Which pretty much means that you and your official boyfriend need to rethink your relationship.

(a) You say are looking for a connection with someone else. If your bf doesn't fill that need, why are you still together? Maybe the relationship has run its course and it's time to end things.


(b) you need to find out why you are not fulfilled in your current relationship and work to repair that. If your bf is very important to you, you should not even want to connect with someone else... unless it's on a friendship basis only, in which case it definitely cannot be a guy. I'm a firm believer that men and women generally speaking can't remain "just friends". Case in point: your makeout buddy is obviously more than a friend.

The question is not 'should I consider this new guy or not?'. The question is 'do I love my boyfriend and is this relationship worth saving?'. The situation with the new guy is a symptom, not an underlying cause. You need to determine what it is that you want from your relationship, your life, and where those intersect.

still having problems with my decision. on Jan 08, 2009 @ 12:02 pm

I understand what you’re saying with my (a) and (b) options but the thing is I don’t want a relationship with his friend, at all. I just happened to be somewhat out of it with the alcohol beverages and he was there. But, my boyfriend doesn’t know what went on, and yeah I would really like to tell him but I told his friend that I didn’t remember anything from that night. Plus I know he’d be upset with me. For goodness sake I was making out with his friend!! And I regret everything.

It was quite easy to narrow it down that I didn’t want to be with his friend, whatsoever. But, I can’t bring myself to decide whether I should stay in the relationship or not. I care about my boyfriend but I sometimes feel like I can’t talk to him about certain things do to he is shy and can’t always understand my point of few of things. And I know he won’t take the whole “ You were with my friend….while we are dating” situation but if I don’t tell him, I feel like I am betraying him…I want to protect him from what happened but I want him to know. Our relationship would not be the same afterwards and it would be a complete disaster.


First off... on Jan 09, 2009 @ 09:54 am

You can't protect him from what happened and let him know at the same time. You should either decide to tell him, or not. In my opinion his friend will probably tell him eventually and it will be far worse to find out from him than from you. I think that you should tell him what happened and go on from there - tell him how you feel about your relationship, explain why it happened, be absolutely honest - it's a lot easier to be honest than people think.

I'm sorry you're in this situation but you need to own up to what happened and stay true to your feelings.

Ali de Bold
ditto on Jan 09, 2009 @ 12:35 pm

Marayna is right.

Typical on Jan 09, 2009 @ 01:42 pm

I haven't responded only because of the (it wasn't supposed to happen)
"I was drunk" part... It's a typical excuse to try and justify

Bottom line is that she doesn't want to be with her current boyfriend.

Thanks... on Jan 09, 2009 @ 02:41 pm

Well, thanks for the help guys, I think I have a pretty clear understanding of what I am going to do.


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