
Anonymous
He's affectionate with me, feeds me, laughs with me and is good to me. But he doesn't kiss me and there's no action after dark. We live like roommates. This is breaking my heart and putting a huge rift in my feelings towards him. I try to kiss him and he doesn't exactly push me away but he doesn't try to prolong it either. When we're at home he makes himself completely unavailable by either being on the computer skyping with family and friends or eating or going to sleep. He's always "so tired". He goes to sleep facing the other way. If I try to hug him, he'll hug me for a little while but that's it. He knows that I didn't have a sexual relationship with my ex and I later found out it was because my ex was getting some on the side. He knows this. I don't know what to think. Does he just find me completely unattractive? Is he getting some on the side too? I don't see him as cheating on me. But perhaps he fell in love with someone else and doesn't love me anymore? Perhaps he finds me physically unappealing? I can't explain to you how this is hurting me inside. I went through a really hard time in my first relationship and there were many many years between the ending of that one and the beginning of this. I am so incredibly hurt... I don't know how this threads sounding but I'm fighting back tears as I'm writing this. I'm already extremely insecure in my ability as a partner in a relationship. Then for this to happen..
The other night I couldn't take it anymore and I just told him how I felt. I told him that I don't see the difference between a long distance relationship and ours. We have a good companionship that we can enjoy equally over the phone. There's no physical aspects either way. If he feels he can find a better job elsewhere then he should start looking (earlier that day he'd asked me what I'd do if he found a good paying job elsewhere). He was hugging me at the time and he said how if he's not with me he won't be able to hug me. I told him 'so what?'. What's a few minutes of hugging worth? When was the last time you kissed me? He couldn't say. And I told him very honestly that I don't remember either. The last time we had sex was more than a month ago. This isn't life. I told him that maybe he has someone else, maybe he finds me unattractive, maybe he loves someone else? Whatever the reason, this isn't life. It's better for him to start looking for a job elsewhere and move there. I won't cause any problems for him. I'm not the type who causes problems for anyone. But there's no reason to put his life on hold while he waits for..for what? I don't know what he's waiting for, but this isn't how life's supposed to be. I told him all of this. He didn't defend himself or deny anything.
I want to have a blow out with him where I force him to tell me who it is. I don't know why but I feel that there's someone else. I need him to be honest and tell me who. I think it's someone at his work. Or perhaps someone he knew from his past? Either one or the other. I'm leaning towards his work though. Our relationship wasn't like this all the time. In fact when we first got married, he introduced me to sex (was both of our first times) and he couldn't (seem to) get enough of me. I really think he fell for someone else and I think it's at his work.
What should I do? I don't want to do the whole email hacking thing. What else can I do?
He's affectionate with me, feeds me, laughs with me and is good to me. But he doesn't kiss me and there's no action after dark. We live like roommates. This is breaking my heart and putting a huge rift in my feelings towards him. I try to kiss him and he doesn't exactly push me away but he doesn't try to prolong it either. When we're at home he makes himself completely unavailable by either being on the computer skyping with family and friends or eating or going to sleep. He's always "so tired". He goes to sleep facing the other way. If I try to hug him, he'll hug me for a little while but that's it. He knows that I didn't have a sexual relationship with my ex and I later found out it was because my ex was getting some on the side. He knows this. I don't know what to think. Does he just find me completely unattractive? Is he getting some on the side too? I don't see him as cheating on me. But perhaps he fell in love with someone else and doesn't love me anymore? Perhaps he finds me physically unappealing? I can't explain to you how this is hurting me inside. I went through a really hard time in my first relationship and there were many many years between the ending of that one and the beginning of this. I am so incredibly hurt... I don't know how this threads sounding but I'm fighting back tears as I'm writing this. I'm already extremely insecure in my ability as a partner in a relationship. Then for this to happen..
The other night I couldn't take it anymore and I just told him how I felt. I told him that I don't see the difference between a long distance relationship and ours. We have a good companionship that we can enjoy equally over the phone. There's no physical aspects either way. If he feels he can find a better job elsewhere then he should start looking (earlier that day he'd asked me what I'd do if he found a good paying job elsewhere). He was hugging me at the time and he said how if he's not with me he won't be able to hug me. I told him 'so what?'. What's a few minutes of hugging worth? When was the last time you kissed me? He couldn't say. And I told him very honestly that I don't remember either. The last time we had sex was more than a month ago. This isn't life. I told him that maybe he has someone else, maybe he finds me unattractive, maybe he loves someone else? Whatever the reason, this isn't life. It's better for him to start looking for a job elsewhere and move there. I won't cause any problems for him. I'm not the type who causes problems for anyone. But there's no reason to put his life on hold while he waits for..for what? I don't know what he's waiting for, but this isn't how life's supposed to be. I told him all of this. He didn't defend himself or deny anything.
I want to have a blow out with him where I force him to tell me who it is. I don't know why but I feel that there's someone else. I need him to be honest and tell me who. I think it's someone at his work. Or perhaps someone he knew from his past? Either one or the other. I'm leaning towards his work though. Our relationship wasn't like this all the time. In fact when we first got married, he introduced me to sex (was both of our first times) and he couldn't (seem to) get enough of me. I really think he fell for someone else and I think it's at his work.
What should I do? I don't want to do the whole email hacking thing. What else can I do?
Sep 19, 2011 @ 01:14 pm