on May 03, 2009 @ 08:25 pm|
okay im 19 and my bf is 24, we've been goin out for almost a year now-
i mean 1 more month and then its gon be a year- his nice and sweet and
all that but i feel like somethings missing. His over protective of me-
that i hate it so much- for instance some guy would look at me in a
certain way and he would get mad at them right away, ready to throw a
fist, he does some things that tottaly turns me off, his nice to me-
but not nice to other perple- he acts like his a bully sometimes and i
could see that- not towards me though--but here is my big problem- as a
year of being in a relationship is getting close-- i start to loose my
feelings for him, i dont know the reason why im not so intense with him
anymore- to the point that just looking at him annoys me- like his
getting on my nerves and as much as possible i rather not be with him-
i rather hang out with my friends that be with him because he annoys me
soo much and he bores me to death- i dont even want to kiss him- i dont
say i love you although he does it all the time- then i fouddnd my self
looking for someone else- as of now i havnt find that person yet
because im not intertaining anybody bcoz i know i have a man- but the
most part of me wants to let him go--
My problem is- i try to break up with him but he always say no, no no
no- i told him please let me go he said no- he said i dont know what i
want- he said his what i want- and he said dont waste the time that
weve been together- honestly he somewhat scares me- because he really
seemed obsess and he said i wont never let anybody mess up our
relationship- then i told what if i wanna go? he said that i wouldnt
want to go--but deep inside me i do--
i wonder if his right- what if when we break up i would regret it later
on? if i succeed breaking up with him will he follow me around? or
threatned me- i mean i dont wnna have a stalker-- please please i need
Ali de Bold
|This is your decision, not his. on May 03, 2009 @ 10:12 pm|
It's not up to him if you stay with him or not. That is 100% up to you. It is not up to him to tell you what you want. He can only speak for himself. Don't let anyone put you under their thumb like that, telling you what to do and what to think.
I also think it is concerning that he is so possessive and unkind to other people.
If you are afraid of him, you should have someone you trust present if/when you end the relationship or tell him on the phone. Further have other people around you as much as possible so he doesn't approach you alone.
You are young and there are plenty of fish in the sea.
|sounds like you made your decision on May 04, 2009 @ 01:04 am|
It really sounds like you don't want to be with him, but are only with him because you're too scared of what he'll do if you let him go. Thats not a good place to be. You should be with someone because you want to be with them, not for any other reason. He probably will go a bit nuts when you leave him, but as Misschickie said, surround yourself with friends, don't be alone, keep someone with you if you want to breakup in person, or better yet, do it on the phone.
|Don't be scared on May 04, 2009 @ 07:43 am|
I used to be in a similar situation, or situationS.. and I totally know where you're coming from. You think that breaking up with him is going to result in more problems for you.. but trust me, it will be ok. People like him do have a problem. They are insecure themselves, and do anything to overpower another person. He is doing all of these things to keep you under his control. You need to break up with someone like that for several important reasons:
(1) Your physical and emotional safety: Someone who is obssessive like that and NOT responsive to your needs is NOT the boyfriend to have around. You never know. You give in to him now, he'll make further demands in the future. Trust me, this happens in worst case scenarios.
(2) Your happiness every day: He is not someone you feel comfortable walking around with and being in public with cuz he is so embarrassing. You don't need this, life is too short.
(3) Back to point 1, your safety is a priority concern. If you're worried that breaking up with him will make things worse on this front, just do some planning and you'll be ok. Alert some good friends.. someone you can rely on.. to be close by when you break up. Break up in a public place. Block him off of everything (this step is very important actually) so that he cannot bother you again. And be firm: only when he is ready to act like a man again will you ever talk to him. The image that you want to project is "No more B.S." It's really hard with someone you have previously loved and been so involved with, but trust me, it is possible. And a very important step for you as a woman as well. Also, have a safe space that you can call and go to at hand: whether it be a friend's house, or a shelter, or your parents' place.. just in case he gets retaliative after the breakup.
(4) Also, don't worry about waiting around until someone comes along.. you need to get away from this alarming situation as soon as you realize you don't want it.
People like that should really be kept away. I have been through this and gotten out.. and you can do it too! :) He's just trying to scare you with his obssessiveness. But you will show him that that's not gonna fly :)
Keep us posted, and please let us know if you need us to post any information about help/shelters, etc.
|Okay so i broke up with him before- on May 04, 2009 @ 09:10 am|
i was in school right like a month ago- he went to my school to pick me up, he said he wants to show everybody that i have a man thats why his there! So, i didnt like his reason actually- so at school, one of my guy friends hugged me in front of him to say hi! and then he totally got mad right away, he was starring at him, he kept on looking at him, even when we turn around he still kept on looking at him- then he said " imma **** **** up" so i was like your embarrasing me so much then i went to class-
after class, i sat with him in the atrium in school, i told him i cant deal with him anymore, i told him i want to be left alone, i told him me and him cant be with each other because i dont love him anymore. then he said- i dont believe you! " your full of S**T! then he started laughing he said im just joking- i said im serious, i told him to go home and leave me alone- but he didnt- he just kept on following me everywhere like a dog, i kept on ignoring him, and then when i was by my house, and i was getting in- he totally went inside my house by pushing the dog infront of me, he was like cmon lets talk, i was shocked and no-one was in my house for that momment so i just said alright coz he was already in--
it soo hard to make him understand that i dont want him anymore
|red flags all over the place on May 04, 2009 @ 10:20 am|
Mstrendy, I can see why you are concerned. And conflicted! Because you loved him once, you don't want to hurt him - I get that.
But this is sick. He needs help. First off, I think you need to not worry about whether you'll regret breaking up. It's clear that this is unhealthy. Maybe with time, if he gets (professional) help and you have some substantial time apart, you may find your way back together again - or you'll be over each other and both ready to move on. Either way, you need to look at this situation for what it is right now. I might have a different opinion if you were already married or had a child together, because that makes things more complicated, but for now you should part ways while it's still "easy" to do so.
It really sounds like you've decided you need to break up and the only obstacle is that he won't take a hint. You may have to take things to the next level.
In the presence of a witness (preferably a big brother or older male cousin - someone who can help you if things get hairy), break things off without any apologies, huge explanations or commentary. Simply tell him that your relationship is not right for you and it can't continue. If you start getting into the whys and how comes and what ifs, you'll lose your conviction and find yourself sucked back in. Just tell him kindly, ask him for space, and leave.
If he starts stalking you, you should contact the police. You can simply ask them for their advice without reporting him - and if things escalate later there will be a record of your inquiry. It provides a basis for a restraining order if, God forbid, it comes to that.
You should also look into the possibility of leaving town for the summer. Do you have an out-of-state/province relative you could stay with for a few weeks to let things cool down? Change your cell phone number and email address; remove him from your FaceBook or MySpace. Cut all ties and focus on your healing process. You owe it to yourself, and perhaps your actions will cause him to take a hard look at himself and make him think.
The relationship is over. That's all. Sad, but you will survive it. We all have been there! *hugs*
|Thank you for the advice!- i realy appreciate the help on May 04, 2009 @ 12:42 pm|
what happens when he ask me why would i want to break up with him out of a sudden??- i feel like i have to have an excuse, because right now were not fighting, i see him like couple of times a week, to him everything is good, but for me, every time im with him i just want to leave, go away, he asks me sometimes why i dont kiss him, or say i love you, and i usually just ignore the questions. I feel like im so young for the type of relationship that he wants, i really want to leave him, but he would go away no matter what i say.
|get away on May 04, 2009 @ 04:58 pm|
Tell him the truth. It isn't all of a sudden. Tell him that your feeling have been gradually decreasing. Tell him that you don't like the way he treats others and how over protective he is of you. At your age, you don't need to be with a guy who is 5 years older than you. I know it isn't much in years but it is when you're only 19 yrs old. Get away from him and I agree that you should surrond yourself with friends and not be alone when you go out. Good luck and be strong.
|thank you on May 05, 2009 @ 01:10 am|
i would definately do that- just waiting for the right timing thank u again for the advice
|I hope all goes well on May 11, 2009 @ 11:09 pm|
Don't fall for any guilt-tripping from his end.. and remember, none of this is your fault.
(I was in a similar situation, and believing that really helped me break things off with the psycho)