Pre-nups

Anonymous


Did you get one before you got married, and will you when you make the plunge?

I am thinking of eloping in the fall, but need to get a pre-nup first, not because I have doubts, but to protect myself and everything I am going into the marriage with (same with him). It seems like the smart thing to do in this day and age.

Does anyone know how much these cost, ballpark? We are eloping to avoid a big costly wedding, so will need to budget this into the cost of everything.

Thanks ladies!
Jun 07, 2009 @ 10:26 am

13 Replies

Anonymous

I don't like them

I understand why people get them, but to me there is something so sad about an agreement that says when we divorce here's how we're going to handle it.
Jun 07, 2009 @ 11:19 am
mamaluv

tough one

It may be the smart thing to do, but I agree with the previous commenter that it's like you're setting yourself up for the inevitable. My hubby and I didn't do prenups and all these years later I'm still not sorry.

Protecting yourself is important, though, and I'm not trying to judge.
Jun 07, 2009 @ 02:44 pm
MissLissa

I can relate

My boyfriend and I are definitely planning on eloping someday just as you are planning on and he is a wealthy man and I stand to inherit a lot of money in the future so i an relate to you and your fiance planning to get a pre-nup. I myself will not be getting a prenup for the simple fact that if i am planning to share my life with this man I can share all of myself with him and the same for me. You don't go into a marriage thinking of the "what if's" and "eventual divorce". But all in all you should do what feels right in your heart.
Jun 07, 2009 @ 02:54 pm
Anonymous

I know


It's not the nicest thing, and I don't care about anything that I earn and have, it's just my family inheritance I am looking out for. My family will insist, no matter who I marry, in order to protect what belongs to the family. It's not even about divorce, but in the case of death etc, whatever I inherited should go back to the family.

I want to do this properly so my family doesn't come after me in arms when they find out!
Jun 07, 2009 @ 03:30 pm
meredithk115

question?

anon- may i ask a question?

is there a reason that you are eloping? i am sorry if its too personal and of course, feel free to not answer....

i understand that you want to 'protect' the family inheritance and based on what you said here, it does make sense.
Jun 07, 2009 @ 03:57 pm
spotty

marriage means entering the family

I know its somewhat classical and traditional, but technically marriage means inheriting new family. So in a sense, your future husband *is* 'in the family.' I am pretty sure you are implying immediate family (just your parents and siblings), but to deny your future spouse, who will undoubtedly become just as important (or even more so) in your life [as your family], seems a bit strange and selfish.

But I don't really know. I'm certainly in no position of my life yet to think about giving out inheritance. I'm also presently not in a position to even gain any. But honestly, if I were to receive a check not written out to both my husband and I, it would feel awkward -- as though my parents are not recognizing my husband. But since he is 100% a part of my life, I would share any inheritance w/ him anyway.
Jun 08, 2009 @ 07:21 am
miss.everything89

um... no one answered the question.

I get that everyone is entitled to their opinions, but no one really answered the question. Haha, to be honest, I didn't know how to answer it either but here goes:

In my opinion, a pre-nupt isn't anything but a piece of paper, it has nothing to do with the marriage and how it will turn out. I guess I can see where she's coming from, it avoids a nasty divorce, but I can understand what everyone else (with more experience in marriage then I) are coming from too because even thinking about the possibility... I dunno, everyone's different.

Anyway, I didn't have the answer for you but I did some quick research and here's the gist of it:

1. Can you avoid the pre-nupt all together? I personally don't know about the provincial laws but one website suggested checking into this because in some places, whatever you go into the marriage with is what you come out of it with. So, check out those laws first,

2. Costs: If you're doing it on your own, there's books and software combos that you can buy at any bookstore for less then $40.00. If you want to go the lawyer route, it can cost anywhere from $2,000 to $20,000. Lawyer fees are a couple of hundred dollars an hour so.. use sparingly if you can, haha.

3. Just random points, you have to go through a Family law lawyer, you can get started online too (I added some links below, given I don't know if you live in Canada).

Wish you all the best!
www.lawdepot.com (file pre-nuptial agreement online site)
www.prenuptialagreements.org
http://www.bakerandbakerlaw.com/Marriage_Contracts.html?gclid=COaKpJL7-poCFQEeDQodjFE2dg (a Toronto firm that offers free consultations for Family Law, yay for free!)
Jun 08, 2009 @ 11:16 am
spotty

good point

Good point misseverything89. Thanks for bringing this back into perspective.
Jun 08, 2009 @ 12:20 pm
Anonymous

thanks Miss!


I shall look into those. I guess it's more of a business deal, as I am willing to share my own personal life with him and all that is mine, it's just the family business needs to stay in the family. Neither of us are rich, so it doesn't really matter. Unless he is really out for my stamp collection ;)


I find the reactions on here interesting. In my grandparent's time pre-nups were not something of the norm, at least not among regular folk. However the divorce rate is dramatically higher now, and yet pre-nups are frowned upon. I guess there is a superstition surrounding it, "dooming the marriage" so to speak.

I just remembered that Sex in the City episode where Charlotte has to sign a pre-nup and is outraged and how little she is worth!
Jun 10, 2009 @ 02:47 pm
Ali de Bold

Very interesting thread

I agree, this is quite interesting to read the different points of view. I can see the argument from both sides. Ultimately though, you two need to do what makes the most sense for your relationship and only you know the answer to that. I do agree with Spotty about becoming part of the family, but you are right the divorce rates make a compelling counter argument!
Jun 10, 2009 @ 03:16 pm

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