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Pregnant by Ex


I've just found out I'm pregnant by my ex of almost a month now. Things ended on a really bad note between us and I know he doesn't want any more contact whatsoever. Yesterday some pretty harsh things were said which has made me even more afraid to tell him. I'm scared he's going to think it's some kind of game or I'm just trying to get him back as I've said and done very stupid things since we broke up. Should I just make my own decision and not speak to him? I know that's probably not the best thing to do, not telling him, but I don't feel I have a choice to do otherwise. If I do try to tell him I don't know how to get him to actually meet me so I can do so. I'm pretty sure I won't be able to arrange a meeting so how else would be the best way?

Lost and confused.
Feb 22, 2010 @ 05:56 am

5 Replies


Not easy!

You are in a really tight situation, and I feel for you! We've had a similar discussion in this forum before, and I think the consensus was that you will have to say something, as hard as it will be for you. That was also my opinion then and I have to say it remains my opinion.

I know this is so much easier said than done. But ultimately, if you decide to keep this baby, you owe it to him/her to pave the way for an eventual contact or possibly even relationship with daddy. Trying to hide this? If you have followed the soaps at all, you know that every secret comes out eventually. And him finding out through the grapevine will only make things worse.

In the other thread, some posters recommended writing the ex a letter/email/text indicating that you have something important to discuss. Don't cop out and tell him in writing; it's best he hear it from your mouth. But make sure to meet in a safe location - a public place during the middle of the day, for instance. Make it clear that you are not there to discuss your past relationship, but there are loose ends to tie up.

I'm so sorry you're going through this. I wish you strength and wisdom as you sort it all out. *hugs*
Feb 22, 2010 @ 10:06 am

I was the woman who posted this similar question almost 2 years ago..

I didn't know what I was going to do.. I thought first abortion because I was and still am going to school and prefer to put my career first. I thought long and hard about it. If i had the abortion I would never have to tell him because in my mind there would be no reason to. We ended and after the abortion there would be nothing tying us together. But If for some reason I did decide to keep the baby I would def have to tell him.. I don't know your situation and why you broke up. Things could have been explosive between you for all we know which was my situation. As I said, I thought long and hard about it and decided to go ahead with the abortion. I changed my mind about not telling him. I realized that I was with him for so long for a reason I was at one point very in love with him and I respected him. He had a right to know regardless of what my decision was going to be. I was in your situation, things were said and done back and forth, very nasty things. I was so angry and nasty towards him because I seriously wanted it to be over and I was hurt and honestly had no intention on ever seeing or speaking to him again so I did and said things I later ended up regreting. Now that I figured out that I was going to have the abortion, I now had to deal with how I was going to tell him. I couldn't call him because I knew he wasn't going to answer and I most certainly was not going to leave my decision in a voicemail. I decided to write him an email. I made sure not to tell him I was pregnant in the email. I did make sure to tell him that I understood that we ended on a bad note. I was sorry for the ways things occured. I was with him because I loved and cared about him but unfortunately we were meant to part ways and our relationship was not meant to be. I told him I respected him and would like to speak with him. I told him I had something very important to share with him and it is very serious. I asked him if we could put our differences behind us just for a moment so we could speak, and I assured him that in no way am i trying to rekindle anything or to hurt or play any games with him. I asked him for just 10 minutes of his time. I gave him the choice to either give me 10 minutes of his time in person or by phone whenever he felt comfortable, but that it was urgent and I did need him to respond. I didnt know what he was going to do and if he was even going to respond. I came to the conclusion that if he didnt respond and made the decision never speak to me again, I at least did the right and honest thing. I tried to tell him and I did my best and thats all I could do. He eventually did respond and we did speak and I told him. He was a little upset but said he was behind any decision I made. I'm not sure if you're going to keep the baby, have an abortion or adoption, but I honestly think that no matter what your decision may be, you need to tell him. After the abortion I was grateful that I did tell him because I knew I would feel guilty if i didnt. I wish you luck and I hope this helps..
Feb 23, 2010 @ 02:23 am


Thank you so much for the advice guys!

I talked it over with a friend, and she said I should tell him in any other circumstances but in this case it wouldn't be right? Her reasons were that on Sunday he said he never wanted to hear from me again and to leave him alone and that he would see the only reason I would tell him as attention seeking so there was no point. I kind of see her point of view but at the same time I know it would be morally right to speak to him anyway? I guess I just have to put my own feelings on hold for a while to do it; if he gets mad then I'll have to be able to take it. But does the fact that he ended all contact so harshly on Sunday make a difference?
Feb 23, 2010 @ 09:08 am


Give him some time to cool off. He may still be mad later on too, but it won't be as intense.
Feb 23, 2010 @ 08:52 pm


I am a 20 year old single mother if you have any questions or concerns, send me a personal message and I will help you with all I can.
Mar 01, 2010 @ 11:47 pm

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