Relationship advice needed!


I'm super excited about a guy that I met last night and I need input on what to do next! I'm a single girl in my early 20s, and last night I called a friend, Ane, to find something to do. Ane invited me to go hang out with some of her friends with her. I picked her up (so that she could drink for the night & i could drive) and we went to her friend (with benefits) Kory's friends house. Ane, Kory, Seth & I played P&A;and ate dinner. Everytime a rule was made by Ane or Kory, it involved clothes being taken off. I was too shy so I didn't take part in those rules. After an hour or so, Ane and Kory went off somewhere. Seth and I talked for awhile and I really enjoyed his company. Eventually, we all went to a bar. At the bar, Seth was being super nice (even though I just drank water) and kept moving closer and closer to me. Kory and Ane continued getting drunk, bickering, and making out. We then left for a house party, then Ane and Kory asked to be brought back to Kory's house. I dropped them off, Seth and I were making out, I brought him home, he asked for my number, and now I don't know what to expect. He texted me while I was working today "do you have any evenings available this week?" and i responded that i'll get back to him. I'm just unsure of what to do next because I don't really know him yet so I don't want to move into anything too fast. Help please?!?!
Feb 28, 2010 @ 06:49 pm

2 Replies


Set your boundaries early

This will sound boring and overly logical, but I promise you it helps. You need to sit down alone and decide what your boundaries are before you start something new.

Maybe those boundaries include how long you'll wait until you sleep with him, or maybe it'll be about which topics of conversation will be off limits to start with. Whatever is important to you, you have to have a game plan in place before you go out.

Then when you do go out with him, make sure the date - from start to finish - is in keeping with your personal boundaries. You don't have to sit him down with an Excel spreadsheet of all your expectations (in fact, getting into those details directly will probably turn him off), but know how to deflect or manage the situations as they arise.

So for instance - if you want to start things off slow, plan 1 or 2 group dates during the day to start. If he says he wants alone time, meet up for Sunday brunch or drinks after work on a day where you know you can't stay out late. Having a totally legit excuse is your out - and no fumbling with lame excuses if you're put on the spot.

After a few dates, you can evaluate your game plan again based on the additional observations you've made of this guy.

If you're in the heat of the moment and you know you don't truly want to get sexual yet, you need to cool things down earlier rather than later. If he asks "why? is it me?" the answer is simply "no, it's just my personal rule". If that's not an adequate answer, then guess what - he's not for you. It's okay for him to ask why, but not okay for him to push you further.

Think of it as dating strategy. Not to play games with him, because that's not cool either, but rather like a sports match that has regulations and fouls.

Good luck with that, and keep us posted!
Mar 01, 2010 @ 11:16 am

go out on a date ...

... a typical date, not a date whose pace is set by friends who are already in each other's pants. The only way you can get to know Seth is if you take time w/ him, on-on-one at a pace you're comfortable w/.
Mar 01, 2010 @ 11:16 am

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