This is my first time asking strangers for advise but I've been reading replies and many are really nice so maybe i could get one for my own situation.
I've been married for almost 3 years and me and my husband have an almost 2 years old, everything happened really fast between us it was like "love at first sight". I am 22 years old (so is my hb) and i married when i was 20, just forty days after meeting my husband, so everything moved quickly.
Okay. So the thing is, my husband is not the greatest man in the world or so I think (everyone including my own fam thinks i ask for too much from him) he has a dark past, he was a drug addict as a teen and an alcohol addict, he suffered bullying at school and at home, depressing and rejection from his parents so he is like The Pandora Box with a horrible memory due to the drugs consumption. AND he has a 6 years old that is not even our skin color who he had when he was 16 (well this is off topic but it makes me hate him sometimes).
When we met he told me about the drugs and since most teens do drugs i overlooked it... later to find out that he has like 1/4 of his brain damaged so his memory its TERRIBLE this makes our everyday living a nightmare; e.x i tell him i will go out with my sis then the day i'm suppose to go out i have to re explain him everything again and he will say i never said a thing, he will make an scene in front of my sister, to the point no one wants to be around me anymore. I may had sound like the awful stepmother but he never tell me that he had a son until the week before we got married his excuse: "i was afraid you wouldn't go out with me if you knew a had a kid" p.s. the mother abandoned the kid before his first BD. So this lie still invades my thoughts.
When we got our first appt we had our first fight and he tried to choked me, not trying to kill me but to scared me. He didn't even stopped me from breathing he just hold my neck but didn't put pressure to stop me from breathing as i said. Background. He was drinking and I asked to stop, he wont stop so things escalated and i took the car and left to cool down, I parked at a CVS parking lot and after couple of hour went back thinking he would be worry however, when he saw me he drag me into the app and hold me by the neck and accused me of a cheater. He was really drunk and apologized next day. Next Fight he was also drunk and I was 8 mo pregnant this time he didn't choked me but i end up hurting myself bc i was not going to let him boss me around. Background. We were on bed really to go sleep and he asked for sex (having sex was painful during my pregnancy and I just hated it having sex) and I said NO he stared talking a lot of bull saying he was ugly, i was not attracted to him etc I was firm and still said NO so he try to forced it. I tried to walked out the app and he would push me and pull me back inside to talk about it and apologize, but i didn't want him to decided for me!!! so I forced my way out the app and ended up scratching myself and stuff. Cops came by he went to jail for 2 months bc even though i was fine i was pregnant and scratched. He starter alcohol classes and counseling and he did really okay. The Third and so far last fight since 1 year ago he got drunk and pulled my hair. Background. I was suppose to pick him up at work but got there an hour late bc of traffic he didn't wait for me and left with a co-worker which made me feel like an idiot especially bc my toddle was with me in the car crying during a whole hour. When I got back looking for an explanation he started yelling at me and called me a cheater, I calmly said I didn't wanted to argue and that i was leaving for good. He let me put my stuff in the car and when i was just about to leave with my last bag he pulled me by the hair and threatened me; I just ran out the door and drove away. I parked bc I couldn't drive in my state and my son was in the car. It really hurt so I checked for blood but all I had was no hair, he pulled the hair off, it was just about the size of a quarter but i have long hair so it was really traumatizing and a huge deal.
He went to a families in crises group and i forbidden him from drinking and its been a year clean, he doesn't even raises his voice on me, if there is a problem he sits down and talks about it, we openly talk about our feelings and what we are upset about and if sometimes i don't want to cooperate or simply disagree on sitting to talk thing thru he takes a walk . I wish he was the man he is today since day 1 :( I try to love and forgive but it feels like i run out of love or i am just really hurt so i am confused. I don't make excuses for no one but sometimes I think I just should let him drawn by himself in his misery, he is afraid of cheating bc almost every girl cheated on him, his first girl left him for another girl, he had a kid at 16 the mother run away and his parents force him into keeping him when he wanted to give the baby for adoption. The mother comes back and gets 7,000 of child support so my husband couldn't go to college bc he had to pay child support for a kid that lived with him, the mother ended up on jail and rehab and the state decided she can't pay him back bc she is sick. On top all this he saw his father hitting his mother plenty of times (who got forge into marriage for getting pregnant) My husband doesn't know what being romantic is, his dad cheats and the mother never left bc of the kids. Also most of his fam members are alcoholics and the dad a coke addict...
He seems like a lot of trouble I KNOW but he also has his attributes physically gorgeous, if i say water he will buy me the sea, if i say frog he jumps. It could be 3 am and if i say i want nachos he will for sure get me those nachos, he cooks and cleans even if he worked. When i am sick he treats me like a goddess in a pedestal, supports my hubbies, tells me i am beautiful every single day and sex related well...excellent. We are like one mind, we see the world the same way, share the same interest, and goals. It'd been hard to forget the things he has done but it's not like he has ever punch me, slapped me or mentally abused me his poor mind its not capable of it. Am I exaggerating? Should I try to forget and forgive? Or should I move on and let him deal with the tragedies of his life all by himself?