on Feb 14, 2010 @ 09:56 pm|
Hes 47, Im 30. Hes Mental & verbal abusive on occassion he has laid his hands on me, i get no attention, my health is suffering. Im suffering dpression & severe anxiety. Im ccoming to terms with my reality & realizing that Ive been making excuses 4 his illness. He refuses his meds, and is a very angry person most times. He blames me for any and all of his problems, and i began to believe his outlook on all that is wrong, is somehow my fault. Self esteem, that Ive been lackin, i have no friends or family anymore. ive kept everyone that matters to me at bay, for me feeling embarassed & ashamed of the life i choose to live, for being with this man. How did i not foresee my bleek future from the get go? Am i an idiot, because i did not know? Im reaching out to strangers, here, in hopes ill find a friend. Please if you have any thots, input or advice any kind, im open minded to your opinions & views, i need help with this, i without supports, no strenghths, im at my weakest & i dunno how much longer i can tread water.
|Jump Ship, Save Yourself on Feb 14, 2010 @ 11:09 pm|
Leave, Don't look back. Quit the job, Leave the furniture, Move away.
Do it now or you will wake up in a year wishing you had done it at 30.
If you don't have children then you don't have anything that attaches you to him.
His choice to not take the medication is not your choice. You don't
have to suffer thru a situation that he has chosen for himself.
Life is short, don't waste it being miserable. The longer you stay in that abusive situation the easier it will be for you to lie to yourself and pretend everything is OK. The longer you allow him to behave the way he is behaving, the longer he will think its perfectly normal and rational to behave that way. Your denial not only causes you pain, it allows him to think that what hes doing is OK.
And for the sake of argument.. lets assume you are the reason for all
his problems. That in and of itself is reason enough to leave him.
The arguments you are having with yourself are the same ones that overweight people and smokers and gamblers have with themselves. You KNOW that whats going on is not RIGHT but for some reason you keep letting it happen. The longer you let it happen, the longer it will happen.
|take care of yourself first on Feb 15, 2010 @ 10:43 am|
It's not easy to leave someone with mental issues but you can't help him if he won't help himself. Has he tried working out a medication regime that can reduce his symptoms without making him feel like crap all the time? It takes time and patience to work with the doctor to find a dosage that's appropriate for him and he may need adjustments from time to time. The bottomline is, he needs help.
You are not a professional. You can't help him in a way a doctor or counsellor can. You can provide him with emotional support and encouragement but that's all you can do for him. If he doesn't appreciate that, then you can't help him.
You need to save yourself first. Don't let his illness drag you down the same path. When you are on the same boat as him, how can you help him? It's not worth sacrificing yourself and your life for someone who doesn't even care about his own.
My suggestion is to sit him down, talk to him and let him know how you feel. Give him one last chance to make changes. Give him the ultimatum: seek professional help or you are leaving him. You are only 30, you have a whole lifetime ahead of you. Don't let him take that away from you.
|The title of your post has the answer on Feb 17, 2010 @ 10:48 am|
From the way you've worded it, it appears you know the answer.
|the other side on Feb 18, 2010 @ 08:13 pm|
I know your situation, but from the other side. Its not exactly parallel to your situation, but I have a sibling who has gotten herself into a world of trouble. From our (family/outsider) perspective, the trouble is all her own-doing. She refuses to get help and continues to dig in deeper and deeper. As a result, we've all pulled away b/c it really is no fun to watch a person knowlingly self-destruct and continually turn down helping hands.
But in our deepest of hearts, we will take her back w/ open hearts if/when she agrees to get the help she needs. She is not alone if she would simply come to that realization and quit pushing help and love out of her life.
In a parallel way, you are my sister. Purge the poisons from your life. Accept your family and friends back into your life. From my perspective, they want to help you and love you, but you have to let them and show them you are making a committed change in your life. Words are one thing -- actions are quite another.
We have found that people in your position never reach out for help until they've really hit rock bottom. Ironically, I hope you're really at rock bottom so that you will get the help you need. Sadly (strange to say it), my sister is not at rock bottom, but I wish she was so that she would get some help.
|I know how you feel... on Feb 21, 2010 @ 03:56 pm|
I was in a similar situation, i am 32, he 39 he is bipolar and really was exhibiting the same behaviours you are describing- and you feel like you are losing yourself in his illness-he is now med compliant and we are really happy. the only advice i can give is- if he is willing to seek help and be med compliant this is the only way. He will continue this path of self- destruction as well as destroying the person you are. it will consume you if he doesnt start to take control of his illness, and you and the relationship will suffer. dont give ultimatums, rather tell him all the good things about himself, but let him know that you no longer see that person in him, and that you cannot continue with a person that has become unrecognizable. he will let you know by taking control of his life or continue to perish, on his own. be strong and know that if you chose this path, its not the wrong path- just the more difficult one, good luck.