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Speaking of disrespect

La Isla

Lying is disrespectful but what I realized recently is if a man who you thought was just a friend for years and he decides to make a move is DISRESPECTFUL. Especially if he knows you have a boyfriend. Nasty! Which brings me to my conclusion but controversial issue: and that is Guys and Girls really just cant be friends. Why? Because the man will always see you more than that. and only difference is when they will make that move.
Jan 29, 2007 @ 02:59 pm

10 Replies


I disagree...

I think men and women can be friends. I have some guy friends that have never made a move and wouldn't... I know what you mean when you say a lot of times men will become your friend only to try and get somewhere but there are men out there that will just be your friend! :o)
Jan 29, 2007 @ 03:09 pm

Borderline on the issue

I think whether or not a male friend choose to make a move on you is really dependent on the age/maturity of the guy.

La Isla, I have been in the same situation. And those who become really close to you when you have a boyfriend already are skeptical (unless he is gay). That is when the suspicion should arise.

If a guy is really into you and knows you have a boyfriend, chances are (if he is grown up enough) he would stay away, to avoid any further feelings or attraction towards you.

The reason why I mention age is because when we are younger (say late teens – when I had this experience) it happens more often because of hormones and a lack of maturity in dealing with adult relationship experiences.

It is totally possible to have mature, adult relationships with men. They are not all out to hit on you, but yes some of them are.
Jan 29, 2007 @ 09:35 pm
Ali de Bold

It depends

How did it happen? If you've been friends with someone for a long time and then one day even though you were in a relationship he sat you down and told you honestly and respectfully how he felt about you, I would respect his honesty.

However if he made physical advances towards you I would consider that very disrespectful - even if you were single. Honestly is extremely important but so is controlling one's self.

I also draw the line if you're married. Confessions are not appropriate then. It's too late, bucko.

I do think it is possible to have great platonic friendships with guys but have also been in situations where friendships have gotten awkward because Dude suddenly wants to date.

If you're honest with the guy up front and let him know from day 1 you only see him as a friend, those sticky situations tend to pop up a lot less.
Jan 29, 2007 @ 11:40 pm
La Isla

you think so

I thought girls can be friends with guys. and i do agree with maturity some guys will not pursue/approach you but the fact is, guys keep a lot of stuff inside their head. unless the guy is gay, if you were to say even to your best guy friend, i'll sleep with you, 99% they will say ok. many will refuse to think that, shoot, i didnt think that way. i used to think in the beginning, girls and guys cant be friends, that it has to be developed. but now i think its just a matter of time. yes, they are not all out there to hit on you. but they're just not disclosing it. and as negative as i may sound, i think thats the only difference. some will become verbally open with it and some will keep it in. sorry if i offended anybody.
so the question of what happened?
i've been friends with X for 6 years. Out of all my male friends, he's the only one that hasnt appeared to be interested. He's been my confidant about all my relationships. and last week, he was over. and he told me to come closer! EW!! and he put his hand on my back!! i said what are you doing? and he goes on about not pursuing me because I had my stuff to deal wtih, that if my current boyfriend doesnt pay attention (which i always confide in him about my bf) why cant he? and i was very disturbed by it. thats like incest to me. nasty! and he warned me he's not gonna stop trying! yeah ok buddy. how bout you lose my number? cut off!!!!
and i asked another guy friend of mine his opinion on what happened? and he started laughing. apparently, according to him, guys are just like that. friends for 2 months, 5 years, still the same. only thing is the smart men will not disclose that they fantasize about you.
hmm....guess i should of listened to my bf. he always told me beware of male friends. they all have the same minds but different approaches.
so its a very controversial topic. i'd be interested to hear if any of you asked your male friends "would you sleep with me if i asked you to' hahaha. would they say yes??
Jan 31, 2007 @ 01:23 pm
La Isla

forgot to add

yess miss chickie, i think if your straightforward from the ghet go, some may take it as it is. but i have been brutally honest from day 1. even told them i dont find them attractive in anyway. even told them i hate it when guys tell me they want more than friendship when i dont. some will find that enough to not try anything but then there are those that find that a challenge and will only try to test you further. i'm not saying you cannot be friends with men, i'm just saying there are things happening in their heads that some girls will refuse to think.
Jan 31, 2007 @ 01:27 pm

I guess...

to me that sounds like the person, not men in general. I still think it is a lack of maturity on that person's part. To some guys you can say one thing but if you let them continuously hang around then they think your actions speak louder than words.... I am not saying it is right but to them they think, well why else would she spend all of this time with me... Ah well. I just don't think you can paint all men with all the same brush...I would really hate it if men started painting all women with the same brush. We are all a sum of our experiences and I don't think you can say that everyone is the same...ever. :o)
Jan 31, 2007 @ 02:20 pm

Nicely said, MizzRobin

I love the metaphor with the painting brush... I think you know why :)

And the thing about maturity. Some men just don't know their limits!

There are guys out there who will just be your friend. I am just going to say, that it is really hard to have a close friendship with another man when you yourself have a boyfriend. I just don't know how well can work at all.
Jan 31, 2007 @ 09:53 pm
Ali de Bold

X is way out of line

Thanks for the details La Isla, I see what you mean. That's just wrong. I would be thinking about cutting him off as well. Not only did he ignore you telling him from day 1 that you're not interested, he disrespected you by trying to make a move when you're vulnerable and told you he has no intention of respecting your wishes (to back off).

I take that very seriously. Part of the reason Alex and I ended up dating was because he was the ONLY guy who didn't pose as a friend and then try to push for more. I told him I only wanted to be friends (actually my line was I want to stay single forever - which I meant, but that's a whole different story), and his response was "o.k" and he never made a move!

I saw that he respected me enough to be friends with me even if that was all we would ever be. Obviously I ended up changing my mind because we were such an obvious fit, but I doubt it would have gone there if he would have pursued me.

I would tell X that he was way out of line and if he respects your friendship enough he'll never do that again or you just won't hang out with him again/or as often.
Jan 31, 2007 @ 09:54 pm

MissChickie is right!

You should tell X point blank that if he EVER crosses that line that you have drawn that he will never hear from you again. It is all about respect in any relationship...friendship..whatever. He was way out of line and he needs to be told that. Don't just assume he gets the point because you don't call as often etc. He needs to know where he went wrong (in case he is dense and is not already aware). Don't let X affect how you think of every other man out there. They are NOT all the same. Trust me.
Jan 31, 2007 @ 10:12 pm


HAHAHHA artist! You are hilarious! :o) Paint...brush...artist!
Jan 31, 2007 @ 10:12 pm

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