The guy I like is moving... is he just using me for sex?


I'm in my late 20s.... one month ago I met a man via grad school who is quite literally my ideal type.  Physically, Intellectually, Socially.  Everything about him draws me in. 

We started sleeping together much sooner than I had planned, and it has been absolutely amazing.  When we are together, he is sweet, cuddles me, calls me intriguing, and says he is drawn to me because "he can't figure me out."

So whats the problem? He's moving to another country in two months.  While this is the country we both come from, I'm not sure where I will be in six months... so I'm interested in trying to get to know him as much as I can.  He will be gone for the next month traveling, and then here for two months before he moves permanently back home.

He calls me about once a week and is terrible with communication and texting (a problem in his last relationship).  The other day I saw him in a pub with some of his friends (girls) and I was with my friends.  He talked to me for 20 seconds, and proceeded to have a conversation with his friends the entire night without glancing at me once.  He said he'd call me later.... that was yesterday.  I was angry and went home without saying goodbye. 

Am I being played here?  I really have feelings for this guy and want to see if there is something there.  Any advice?  I feel like we don't have time for playing hard to get and games.

Mar 22, 2011 @ 04:55 pm

6 Replies

Ali de Bold

Judge him by his actions

Even if he is a poor communicator, there are his actions. As women we are so quick to make excuses for men in relationships saying they have trouble expressing themselves, have issues, etc. But even if his verbal skills are that of a cave man, it's his actions you should be paying most attention to. If he is really into you and wants a relationship with you, he will demonstrate this with his actions. For example, you will be the woman in the room he is most interested in talking to and impressing. Ignoring you in front of his friends and not following through on his promises to call you are signs that he isn't serious and therefore you should seriously consider how much of yourself you want to invest in this guy.

He probably enjoys spending time with you and the relationship is convenient for him right now, but you will most likely end up with a broken heart when he moves away. Don't let yourself be his 'before he leaves booty'. He may seem like an ideal guy on paper, but the way he treats you is the most important. Sweet words said when naked don't count. In fact, most slimy guys specialize in that.

If I was in your shoes, I'd kiss this one good-bye and find someone who:
A: Is living where you plan to live, and;
B: Doesn't ignore you in social situations and follows through on his promises
Mar 22, 2011 @ 09:13 pm


I have to agree with Ali - I'm seeing red flags here. It really sounds like you are Friends With Benefits and no more. Being "drawn" to you, finding you "intriguing" are all really ambiguous words which sound really sexy in the moment but when you step back don't really mean a whole lot, do they?

His actions, as Ali so correctly pointed out, are even more telling. He's not invested in this relationship. You need to either have a clarifying discussion with him about what you want from this (and prepare for his answer, either positive or negative), or walk away now before you give him your heart only for him to return home and the relationship quite possibly will fizzle eventually.
Mar 23, 2011 @ 02:19 pm


I definitely agree with both ladies. He seems like a jerk to me. Ali hit it bang on when she said if he really wants you then you would be the only woman he sees in the room, etc. I think if you keep this up, you're setting yourself up for some unnecessary heartache. Look for a man who will drop everything to talk to you when you come in the room, not act as if you're merely an acquaintance.
Mar 23, 2011 @ 02:53 pm

Thanks girls! :)

Thanks girls! He ended up writing me this long facebook message about how he's sorry he hasn't had time lately and isn't intentionally doing this and how he's confused and doesn't want us to be on bad terms.

In essence, I agree! He's keeping me on the back burner in case he changes his mind.

Needless to say, I told him it was fun while it lasted and to take care! Hopefully I did the right thing!
Mar 23, 2011 @ 03:53 pm

good for you!

Yes, based on what you just quoted from his FB message, I'd def say that he's trying to tell you he's not interested in anything committed right now. I think your response was perfect and you should stick to your guns. It's quite possible he may ring you up for another booty call, so you need to be prepared with a thought-through reply if that happens.
Mar 23, 2011 @ 04:02 pm


Way to go! You did the right thing. And I agree with mamaluv, now just make sure you stick to what you say. In fact, if you have caller ID then I would not even answer if he does call. Why set yourself up again?
Mar 23, 2011 @ 04:34 pm

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