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Torned between two guys

Anonymous

So Im currently dating guy its going to be 2 years now in 7months. Before he was in my life I met this other guy (John) who we instantly had a connection. I always felt like he just want to sleep around with me (that never happened) It was hard to hang out with him because he always had other things to do and seemed like he wasnt interested in knowing me. I felt like i gave him so many chances and he will hardly make time for me. The last time he was telling how he was ready to be in a relationship with me and that he will make time for me and the next morning i asked if it was true what he said and he changed his mind that he really likes me but he isnt ready for a relationship. He was cheated on twice before and his last relationship he bought a ring but later found out she was cheating. He also wasnt in a great place and needed time for himself. I decided to move on than I met my current boyfriend (Robert). His such a sweet person and he treats me well and I have never had any boyfriend that treated me that good. One time I thought of leaving him because i felt like he wasnt opening to me and I always did all the talking, we went on a trip together with my friends and he was really awkward. But i decided to give him a chance since at the time we were only dating for 6months. So sometimes I feel like if i dont ask him about his family or about his childhood he wont tell me anything. He can be childish and corny sometimes. I remember this one time I had a horrible day at work so I called him you know I was frustrated and mad and he said something corny that didn't even make any sense and it just pissed me off. I talk a lot and sometimes I can see him getting tired of listening to me ( i dont blame because some men are like that) So one of my top pet peeves is not having manners when your eating and of course he has that. It was bad one time because i told how bad it bothers me when he eats with his mouth open and the smaking of his lips bother me and he doesnt use napkins until his done eating. One time he was eating a burger and it had extra sauce and the sauce was running down his hands and he kept eating and that really gross me out. I told him how it really bothers me and he told me that if i can give him a reminder about it then he will try. I just get tired of reminding him everytime its annoying. He also has no friends and he tend to act awkward around my friends. His very political and didnt find that out until this election he was volunteered 4 days for it and he was getting very stressed and anxious over it and he said if the country gets any worse his wanting to leave and i told him what about me and his like well you can come and I said you know I wont leave anywhere because of my mom. Things go intense between us when he thought i had different political view he basically said it wasnt going to workout. I was torned because it made me feel like our love isnt strong enoughtto deal with something like that. We talked over on the phone and I told him its not fair that you shut me down like that, he apologized and said i was right. The next time we hanged out i knew it was still bothering him because he seemed sad and when i told him that Im voting for the same side his own he was relieved and he was back to normal. Im not they type of person who is into politics I care more about whats happening now and just spending every minute with people I love thats me. His very sweet person and caring and his always willing to change things, but when it comes to things his compassionate about he wont change that much. So the first guy (john)  i will still talk to him here and there just as friends. We recently started hanging out again and he started to know me and he started to like who I was and saw how easily i got along with his friends and his parents. He confess to me that he still liked me, but I told him why now and when im dating somebody you know. He did tried to make a move on me but i shut him down and he promised to never do again and he has kept his promise. He always makes me laugh and we can hold on a conversation for hours and I know a lot about him more than I know about my boyfriend. He can be very playful  but his still sweet. Honestly he very opinionated and he will correct me when im wrong ( i can be very bitchy sometimes) and he will put me in my place when I need it. Robert on the other hand deal with it and he will only tell me something if i over do it, he tolerates my moodd and he lets things slide. One thing that I dislike about John is that he drinks a lot and he seems to not have any goals about his future he did went to get help for his addiction and his able to control his drinking now plus before he also got DWI and now his license is suspended. His trying to get his life together. He told me how much he likes me and that he will always care about me. I know that I still have feelings for him. I thought about you giving myself time to myself and not have any communication with them just so i can make a decision. But i get scared because what if i pick the wrong guy. I honestly I dont like playing with John's feelings i told him that i will lose communication with him so he can forget about me but he begged not to because Im a really good friend to him and he will never try to break up my relationship with Robert. A friend told me to hangout with John more (btw my boyfriend is gone for 3 weeks with family) just as friends and that maybe it will help see how John is. I honestly think thats unfair to John because his going to think he has a chance with me and i dont really want nobody to get hurt. What should I do.???
Nov 19, 2018 @ 01:23 am

2 Replies


saba.sami

Dont have your hands in too many pockets

Well it seems like to me you are just finding excuses to distance yourself from Robert. He seems like a great guy but in my opinion if you are thinking about another guy then maybe your time together is over? Don't feel guilty or as though you are the bad person. Falling out of love with someone is not optional. It happens naturally and you dont need to explain that to anyone. Im sure you still care and love for Robert but BEING in love with someone is totally different. I think John has some proving to do and i think he isn't in a position to be in a relationship at the moment as he is currently self healing. An addict needs to steer clear of things that can trigger his addiction (not saying you stress him out) but life it self can be stressful and can trigger those bad habits. I do think you should still be there for John as a friend and help through this time and see where it goes. You should end stuff with Robert as it is not fair to him and he deserves the respect to be notified about your feelings. Whatever is meant to happen will happen. If you live your life worrying about making wrong choices you'll die never knowing what could have happened. Every hardship is a lesson and a stepping stone that will teach you what you want in life and what you don't. Chances are you might not want to spend the rest of your life with any of them but at least you will know you tried and realized it wasnt what you wanted. I think its time you let Robert go and still be there for him when needed and stay friends with John and just see where it goes. I think you all need time for yourselves to see what or who you want.
Hope this helps! Follow your bliss <3
Nov 19, 2018 @ 09:22 am
Anonymous

Dont have your hands in too many pockets

saba.sami ,
Thank your for your advice and your right. I honestly believe that because I never got the chance to date John or get to know him, it makes me wonder how things will be. He is going through a tough time and I should be there as a friend only and focus on the relationship with Robert. I tend to plan things and I started to realize that things don't ever go my way and I should slow down and let things happen on their own.
Nov 19, 2018 @ 12:34 pm

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