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Unemployed boyfriend doesnt help..


So been living with this guy for a few months now. 
Due to reasons I couldn't avoid we decided to move in together.
So I'm out of job aswell. 
As well as paying all the bills he works. 
He's been really good to me. 
I contribute by cooking and cleaning etc. 
Looking hard for a job just been so hard. 
I dont know if its my pride or what but when I need stuff like lady things, I just can't bear to ask him. 
Is that wrong to feel the way I do?
He's very tight with money, even though he's in a very good paying jobs. 
He's tight with everyone.. 
He only spends money when he see's fit like on his car or anything for that he wants. 
I get that its his money. He works hard for it. 
But he has never once asked do you want anything?

I've talked with a few girlfriends of mine and guy friends, that do give their other half a lil change a month time.
Is this rare now?

What should I do?
I've talked with about it but no change. Hes admitted hes tight even though he shouldn't be. 

What do ya'll think??
Mar 14, 2013 @ 08:40 am

6 Replies


Helping hand.

It's a hard situation you have. Like you said you've talk to him and he admitted he's tight with money. I really think a man should help out once in a while, expecially if you're trying to get back on your feet with a job. If he said he's unwilling to help you out I don't think he's at blame though. Try to figure out a good money strategy with him. You've moved in together both willing so this is what he's responsible for until you can find a job.
Mar 14, 2013 @ 09:35 am

tread carefully

It's one thing for a long-term relationship or married couple to share money, but if you've only been together a relatively short time, I wouldn't expect an allowance. Let's be real, that's what you're talking about.

Now, for occasional requests there's no reason why he can't pick a few things up here or there. Next time he's headed out for a jug of milk or whatever, you could always say "hey, can you grab a box of tampons for me?" He probably won't have an issue with it. You say you're pitching in around the house, this is a really good thing and something he should be appreciating. The fact that you are embarrassed to ask is not unimportant, but if you have no other means of getting these products, well, it's either ask or make do without. You may not have a choice!

Keep working hard at finding a job, because he will notice your efforts and recognize that you're not sponging. If necessary, look into what public assistance options may be open to you. There is a stigma about public assistance but there really shouldn't be. For those people who have genuinely tried yet need a temporary helping hand, well that's what our tax dollars are there for.

Good luck!
Mar 14, 2013 @ 09:45 am

Would you pay for him?

Mmmmm I don't know about this one. It's the norm for married couples to share money but you've only been living together for a few months and it doesn't seem like this was because you wanted to take the next step, you said because of reasons you couldn't avoid. Even as a married couple, I think each partner should have their own money, but that's just my opinion. If the situation were flipped, would you be expected to give him money? I don't think its fair to just expect that your partner will give you the money they work for. Aside from mutually needed products or household items, I don't think he should have to pay for anything. If you are having trouble and need some help, I think a frank discussion is an order. Maybe he'll be be more than happy to help you out. Money between couples gets messy though so be sure to get things in order and work out the terms and be sure both parties are clear.
Mar 14, 2013 @ 12:54 pm
Ali de Bold

Agree with Anonymous and alexjc

Unless you are married or common-law I don't think you should have any expectations over his money regardless of how much (or little ) he has. Obviously it takes time to find a job and you can't starve or go without basic necessities until you find something, but I would focus less on the fact he isn't giving you money and more on finding a good job for yourself. Until you have a job, if you need products you are not comfortable asking him about, just say you need some lady items. He
won't want to know any more than that!

Think of the situation like this: If the roles were reversed and you had a great job and he was unemployed would you want to pay him an allowance in addition to providing a home for him?
Mar 14, 2013 @ 01:16 pm

Just ask him.

Honestly, it's his money - and he really can do what he wants with it. But, if he's alright with your current situation, than he should be fine with you asking for a little help - especially if it's for important hygiene items, and not something random like beauty products..
Mar 14, 2013 @ 02:38 pm


I can only ask if the roles were reversed, would we be hearing about how he sponges off of you for his Mach3 blades or Axe body wash?
Many couples who are married or common-law share expenses like this, and what bothers me a bit, is when a man does work to provide a home for his family and spouse, if he says it's his money, all hell breaks loose where the woman or stay-at-home partner is concerned. However, if a woman worked and paid for the house, and the men or stay-at-home partner did all the householding chores, everyone would think the woman had the right to 'keep' what she earned and call the money her own.
So like I said, if the roles were reversed, what would be responding to?
I agree with Alex and Anon, because we have fought so hard for equality and such in gender roles, if one is able-bodied to earn an income, then all options should be explored. Neither a man nor woman HAS to provide for one another. It should be free will and choice, because that is everyone's RIGHT! It may be a privilege, but it most definitely is not a right.
Mar 18, 2013 @ 07:52 pm

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