What to do!?


I can't really talk to anyone around here since our town is a gossip mill! I need advice and some outside of my circle points of view.

My stepdaughters` half sister was just put into foster care. The father and mother are addicts, drink far too much, are violent, involved with the law on a regular basis and the mother is currently couch surfing. Neither works. I am a full-time student and my fiances family owns the local golf course so we both work there during the season. We are contemplating if we should look into having her placed with us. Would you get involved knowing you will most likely end up being tied to the parents in some way for visitation and/or pointless family court battles if you went for custody/adoption or would you try to get visitation for the sisters and leave her with a foster family?
Jan 23, 2016 @ 12:39 am

10 Replies



i would do everything i could to protect that child...i would want the child in my home...she needs love and guidence and a lot not all but a lot of foster homes are no better than the situation they came from....ths love for a child while over ride everything else......just my thoughts... hope it all goes well for you and all involved...
Jan 23, 2016 @ 05:11 am


I would want to help the child have a happy,stable environment where she would feel safe and loved,she must be feeling scared and lonely right now ,good luck to you in what ever you decide ,I hope things work out for everyone involved
Jan 23, 2016 @ 09:00 am


I agree too. The child needs love and support I would definately step into help her.
Jan 23, 2016 @ 11:53 am

I agree. It would be tough it that poor child deserves someone stable, nurturing and loving. Poor kid. What an awful situation.
Jan 23, 2016 @ 12:27 pm


I agree with the others, but I plan to foster when I'm much older. Make sure it's something you really want. If you're going to end up quitting or making her feel unwanted, it's not going to be better for her in the long run. If you're fully committed and full of love, go for it.

The foster system has a lot of problems and there's no guarantee she'll end up in a good situation, so if you're ready for it, you're doing a wonderful thing and basically giving yourself a new family member.

Keep in mind she could have problems related to being raised by those parents and alcoholism runs in families. But having her half sister there should also be a grounding influence.
Jan 23, 2016 @ 03:15 pm


I agree with all the ladies above. The child's needs are what's most important, so you need to be 200% sure you'll be able to take on this new responsibility. I've seen too many kids being shuffled around the system because the foster family wasn't able to keep up with their needs and family situation. As for dealing with the mom, you need to work with Child Protection Services to know what rules you need to follow and vice versa. If the mom tries to intervene in ways that you don't feel comfortable with, you should have emergency contact numbers ready in order to help you out and keep the child safe. At the same time, if child protection deems it fit for the child to have occasional contact with the mom, you need to know the protocol of how to go about it. Safety is your number one concern when a child is in your care. It takes a lot of courage, compassion and love, especially when they are coming to you with weight on their shoulders. I wish you and the child the best of luck if you do decide to take her in.
Jan 23, 2016 @ 04:45 pm
Sandra Ribeiro


I agree with what everyone said. The girl needs to be in a loving and stable environment
Jan 23, 2016 @ 04:52 pm

What to do

Hi Beccabliss,sounds like to me you have a very big life changing decision to make.If you are anything like me,you can't turn your back to a child.If I were in your shoes and if and only if you are for sure going to take this child in your Home to give guidence,Love ,Affection and the best of care you can give to this child,the first thing I would do is to make sure that there is support there for you also.I think first when you found out what was going on,that's when your heart shifted to this child.I find it sad that you don't have a best friend to confide in.You and your man should go and find out what legal steps you could take with reguard to this child and get some help or support for yourself.If you decide to take her in,you will have to share your love equally and protect this child and treat her the same as your own.I wish you lots of luck,don't make a over the night decision and whatever you decide,the Lord is on your side also.Good Luck.
Jan 27, 2016 @ 08:03 pm


There are so many things to consider....how close is your stepdaughter to her half sister? If they barely know each other it's a different story than if they are pretty close.
If you are like me, just the fact that you are even thinking about it tells me you are already half decided to do it ;) I would just get as much information as you can about how would it all work. Is there a social worker there that you could talk to who would provide some possible outcomes, from the worst case scenario to the best case scenario?

I have babysat in a family that had their own child, then they had two kids in foster care, a girl and a boy, their Mom was a drug addict. Eventually they adopted the boy but returned the sister (they had a bazillion reasons why it did not work out, I still can't come to terms with any of those reasons, which is ultimately why I left even though I felt bad for the kids). The kids' granparents were still in the picture which meant the kids on occasion saw their birth mother - at that time the sister was gone, adopted on the other side of the country, but the boy had such a terrible time seeing his biological Mom....it was heartbreaking. It did not help the adoptive Mom did not seem too ready to have an adoptive son, I never saw her hug him or anything, the adoptive Dad treated both his own daughter and the adopted son the same which was great to see.

You already take care of a stepdaughter so it's clear you would not have an issue loving this other child the same....
Jan 28, 2016 @ 12:05 pm

what to do??

Report this to the proper authorities for investigation.period, that's it.
Jan 28, 2016 @ 10:09 pm

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