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Why buy the cow....


Interesting phrase if you haven't heard of it before, 'Why buy the cow if you can get the milk for free'. I have been dealing with this for quite some time now. I was in a 10 month relationship (long distance but within the same state) with a man that was in a troubled marriage. Yes, I know, I know why did I get involved. Well, it is a long story but if you knew him you would understand why. To make a long story short, he is in the process of a divorce. He has been separated now for 18 months. After our affair ended and since, we have seen each other approximately once a month. And majority of the time we wind up 'together'. I am finding that I don't care for the arraignment and since we no longer have the exclusivity, should I give the milk up for free? He's told me he has 'feelings for me' (I still am trying to figure what that means). I have been and am in love with him. I am sure the answer is simple, but when involved it is hard to know the answer. Thoughts?
May 04, 2009 @ 04:44 pm

4 Replies


Renegotiate The Contract

"man in a troubled marriage"

The stuff in bold is why you should not have been involved with him.

"if you knew him you would understand why"

Did he have a new twist on cheating? One that made it ok?

"since we no longer have the exclusivity"

Your not counting his wife?

You were with a man who was cheating on his wife. Now you meet up with him once a month to "end up together" and you dont care for the arrangment. Of course you dont care for the arrangment.. the excitement and initial BS has worn off and your tired of being #2.

You have to renegotiate this horrible contract you entered into. You need to put a clause in the new deal that says the milk gets paid for this time around. Payment in the form of respect, honesty and maybe a ring, house and kids down the line.

If your interested in this man you need to get these questions answered:

1.When will the divorce be final? Explain to him that your not willing to be #2 anymore. Dont fall for any excuses. If hes ready to be with you hes ready to not be with her and he should have filed papers already.

2.Where does he live? He should have his own place by now. If hes still living with his "awful, horrible, evil, mean, witch" (and anything else he has told you) of a wife.. then hes been lieing to you and you need to move on. How much longer are you going to play a part in one of the longest running movie cliche's? "im going to leave her, your the one i love"

3.Why do i only see you once a month? Unless there is an issue with transportation or he has a secret government job where hes required to wear black and chase aliens, he should be able to spend more time with you now that hes seperated.

These minimum spec questions have to be answered... correctly... for you to even consider continuing to pursue this man. By correctly i mean he should have a divorce date for you, an address where you can visit him and not worry about being caught by his wife and an explanation of why you never see him like "im depressed" or "my kids plays baseball" or "aliens are trying to take over the planet so im working double shifts".

I personally think its a waste of time. Honorable men dont start dating new women while they are married, even if/especially if the marraige is on the rocks. Why would he want to put you or his wife or himself thru a jerry springer episode?

I dont know the whole story and maybe this is the man for you. If he is, you cant let him continue to treat you the way he does. FYI.. hes been trained to treat you the way he does.. by you. You have to break the bad habits and get him back on track.

May 05, 2009 @ 12:08 am


to what Anonymous replied to the original post.

May 05, 2009 @ 01:55 am

Preach it!!

I really can't add anything more to what Anon #2 said. Bang on, every point.
May 05, 2009 @ 08:53 am

here it is

the divorce is still in momentum, going through a financial analysis as they each have 'money'. He is wanting this taken care of before the end of the year. He has been living in a house for the past 18 months.

the reason only once a month is because we live at the opposite end of the state, he up north and me down south. he comes to the south on business once a month, if more than we see each other.

we've talked about 'us' and right now he just wants to get the divorce behind him and doesn't want to pursue anything with me right now.

yes, it is just as much my fault that I agreed to be involved, it takes two to tango.

Thanks for the honesty.

May 07, 2009 @ 09:02 pm

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