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Am I looking too much into it...??


Hey all! I wanted to get some insight from people about a odd situation that I wonder if I am just being a little too naggy about...

BF and I have been seeing eachother for a few months now.  We typically stay at his or my house every night. We have ups and downs just like every couple but lately I just feel like he's completely checked out.  We had an issue with an ex of his who he was absolutely in love with and she left him but it seems to be over (even though I'm pretty sure he's still in contact with her, but whatev...she lives in a different state.) 

My latest thing is that over the past week or so he's gotten into the habit of falling asleep on the couch after I go to bed.  I will wake up in the middle of the night and go get him.  He will halfway wake up and say he's on his way in but right after I leave he falls back asleep on the couch.  Last night I just let him stay out there and he finally came into bed around 6am.  This is a totally new thing for him which is what makes me a little weirded out by it.

I tried to talk to him about it and ask him why all the sudden he likes the couch so much but he just dismisses it and says I'm looking too much into it and that he just falls asleep.

Am I looking too much into it? Over-reacting? I don't really know why it bugs me so much except that it makes me feel like he's avoiding me. I could understand if it happened once in a while but it's been pretty much every night for the past week. I try and ask him if something is wrong and he say nothing.  I don't know.  Any thoughts would be greatly appreciated...I just need another perspective on it...   
Mar 09, 2014 @ 02:42 pm

10 Replies

Ali de Bold

My opinion

To me it does sound like he may be avoiding you but either doesn't want to talk about it or isn't really sure how he feels yet. I think you should stop spending every night together. You should stay at your place and he can stay at his. Don't make a big thing of it, just start doing it. I don't think you should be spending every waking moment together until there is a firm commitment and it sounds like you are still pretty early in the relationship. That can make things feel too serious too fast and it may just be too much for him. Take a bit of space by spending less time together and see if that helps.
Mar 09, 2014 @ 02:49 pm

He might just be tired!

My boyfriend used to work weird long hours and he used to always randomly fall asleep and it drove me CRAZY. Even while he was awake, it was like he wasn't really present at all in our conversation because he was always so tired. I used to get really upset and worked up about it and I would start lashing out. Eventually I realised that I was acting like a child so I just told him how I felt, explained that even though it didn't seem like a major thing to him, this is how it made me feel. I don't think he's hung up on his ex, I think he's just overworked and tired. We decided to compromise. Sometimes, I would go to bed early with him and in the morning I would help him get ready by making coffee and his breakfast and other days, we got to stay up late and he would make me coffee in the morning. A little understanding went a long way!
Mar 11, 2014 @ 11:52 am

Leave him alone

I agree with Ali, you need some time apart and he needs to figure out whatever his issue is. When he's ready to talk, he will come to you.
Stop prodding him. He knows you are there to listen when he is ready to share, for now do your own thing.
Mar 27, 2014 @ 01:11 am

Time Apart

Yeah, sounds like he needs his space, but yet he's perhaps not able to put that notion into words effectively. I've found that most guys need space, but few of them will tell you for fear of putting it the wrong way and hurting your feelings. Hope that works well for you!
Apr 03, 2014 @ 12:41 pm

Leave him be

Try spending more time in your own bed by yourself. If you've only been seeing each other for a few months than there really isn't any need for you to be in his bed every night. The more you do this this soon in the relationship the more you're just going to push him away. Let the man breath for God sake's. Let him be the one to invite you to spend the night with him, don't just jump into his bed at the end of the night and think because you've been with the guy for a few months this is what he wants too. Most guy's aren't even sure if they really want to be in this cozy of a relationship after only a few months. If you really like this guy than I'd tell you to back off and let him breath so he can make up his mind whether or not he just wants to stay BF's, or move into a full blown relationship with you. And even if he does it doesn't mean you have to be in his bed every night. Some guy's take longer than other to make up their minds about this no matter how long you may have known each other before hand. You're better off to be sure where each other stands before you just move yourself into his bed like you have. If he really wants things to work out between the two of you he'll be asking you to stay the night again, but don't just assume that he wants you there every night.

Apr 03, 2014 @ 01:48 pm

jumping the gun

It sounds like you are essentially living together, which is pretty quick for only being together for a few months. Most guys are commitment-phobes this early on, and that's what this sounds like to me. If you guys are together "all the time", he might be needing his space.

This is not a reflection on you or on him. Only a reflection on the relative new-ness of your relationship, which I don't find surprising at all.

Just my opinion! Good luck :)
Apr 03, 2014 @ 01:58 pm

Good Advice

All of the comments have been good. Give him some space, don't crowd him, it is too early in the relationship. Don't over think the situation, you will only make yourself paranoid. Take some time to be away from each other. If it is meant to be it will be. I wish you lots of luck and hope things work out for the best.
Jun 01, 2014 @ 12:59 pm

Stay strong sista!

There is definitely something wrong. Your relationship is still extremely new and you both should want to spend every minute with each other (especially at night!). With that being said, I feel that if he doesn't want to open up then you need to take yourself out of this situation. I'm not saying you should break things off with your man, however maybe you should think about staying at your place rather than his and if he asks you about it then just tell him how his actions have been making you feel and make it clear that it's not okay. Men will always test the boundaries of how far they can push you and get away with their actions, so stay strong and make sure that he understand that your feelings matter! Good luck!

Jun 02, 2014 @ 06:42 pm

Agree with everyone else!

I have been with my boyfriend for a year now and I agree with the people who have answered you already. Sometimes spending time apart will really help! Absence makes the heart grow fonder. Spending too much time together too quickly can make a relationship fizzle out a lot faster. Keep it fun and exciting by going out instead of staying in!
Jun 10, 2014 @ 04:54 pm

Am I Looking

I was thinking that maybe you two moved in together too soon,who's idea was it in the first place?maybe you both need some space.It appears that your BF is doing something about it but,I think he is going about it the wrong way.I think you and your BF should sit down and clear the air.You both have to communicate in order for any relationship to work.Why don't you come out with the question,does he want to be alone all the time or does he want a relationship with you?He should be honest with you.Maybe you should stay at your place a scattered time,that way you both gets some space .Either way you look at this ,you are not happy about what is going on with him sleeping on the couch.If it were me,I would point him towards the bedroom if I saw my man was getting sleepy and then see what happens.
Jun 11, 2014 @ 05:54 pm

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