Old Dutch SALSA CON QUESO

My overall rating

Let me start this off by saying I'm just a regular guy who enjoys eating junk food on occasion. It was an ordinary day. I lumbered out of bed and rubbed the sleep from my eyes. I commenced my daily rituals such as regulatory teeth cleaning and...   +

Let me start this off by saying I'm just a regular guy who enjoys eating junk food on occasion. It was an ordinary day. I lumbered out of bed and rubbed the sleep from my eyes. I commenced my daily rituals such as regulatory teeth cleaning and showering, before making my way to the kitchen. After a hearty breakfast of black turtle beans on toast I made my way to the pantry. It was then I had discovered I was all out of Tostito brand cheese dip, a product I had recently acquired an affinity for. I thought to myself this was unacceptable, so I donned my housecoat as not to scar any of the good people out grocery shopping at 8 AM and made my way to the only convenience store in my principality. Once I made it to the store I noticed the Tostito brand cheese sauce had been replaced by Old Dutch Restaurant - Salsa Con Queso cheese sauce. I thought nothing of it at the time and proceeded to the cash with the alternative in tow. After I got home and unloaded the rest of my groceries I reached for the jar of golden delight and attempted to remove the cap. It was bound much more tightly than I was accustomed to, after several embarrassing and futile attempts to open the jar I reached into the knife drawer and used a dull butter knife to pry my way in akin to a burglar with a crowbar, breaking into a museum to steal the treasure that lies in wait. I proceeded to sit down, grab the remote, flip on the morning news, and brace myself for the atrocities I was about to witness with some delicious cheese sauce and a bag of nondescript chips. I say nondescript as I do not want to give the chip company any recognition because their products are generally bland and tasteless, but the integrity of their chips were surprisingly sturdy, akin to a grizzled old miner, making them ideal chips to dip. The moment was thrust upon me, I opened the bag of nondescript chips and dipped the chip into the cheese dipping sauce. I was nearly salivating at the thought of enjoying this newfound earthy pleasure, and when the chip finally entered my mouth and I bit down all I could taste was... disappointment and immediate buyer's remorse. While I would not state on record that Old Dutch's Restaurant Salsa Con Queso cheese sauce has the flavor and texture of watery garbage runoff as I've never gone dumpster diving, I can only imagine the malice going through the creator's mind as the mass produced this absolute horrible product. Let me tell you.

The texture of the sauce is not thick as it should be. Have you ever been to a restaurant to order a meal, perhaps a plate of pasta, only to find out to your distaste and utter disappointment that your meal is too runny to enjoy? This is worse. This should be mass produced and given to prisoners as an all out assault on their senses. This sauce could mitigate crime and decrease the national average by half. It could solve the problem of prison overcrowding as criminals rather live on the straight and narrow rather than be forced to consume this abominable sauce.

This hot garbage in a jar has absolutely no redeeming qualities and I hope this product's lifespan dies violently due to poor sales. My gag reflex was locked in a battle I knew it had no hope of winning. My taste buds were David and Old Dutch's Restaurant Salsa Con Queso sauce was Goliath, except I had no slingshot to defend myself with as I sat there in buyer's remorse and complete disappointment in myself for ever making this purchase. While the aftertaste leaves much to be desired, it's the initial taste of cheese that proves to be the most vulgar and unpalatable. Being raised not to waste a single morsel of food I am begrudgingly going to consume the rest of this godawful sauce but not before posting this warning to anyone who is considering buying this cruel joke of a product. For the love of god remove this awful product from circulation and in the accurate words of "ChickAdvisor" - Gag! - What a ripoff! - Terrible!    -