Mommy Memoirs: No, Every Child Does Not Deserve a Puppy for Christmas
If you're a parent, you know that things don't always go exactly according to Plan.
(Heck, if you're a parent, you probably tossed the Plan years ago. I mean, let's just get real for a sec.)
Somehow we went from a strict "No Pet Household" policy to an "Okay, absolutely no more than 20 pets at once - and I really mean it this time" policy.
In truth, I'm not actually 100% on the number. It might be higher than that. We're talking 2 dogs, 1 cat, 13 fish, and at least 4 tadpoles. Those tiny buggers are hard to keep tabs on.
The only way I agreed to any of this was the understanding that I would not have to feed, clean up after, drive to the vet, or otherwise acknowledge the existence of any of these pets - that was to be the responsibility of the innocent-eyed children who had their way with Daddy following a Blinky Blinky begging sesh.
However, they've somehow got me doing all of the above chores. It might have something to do with the fact that the only thing grosser than cleaning the litter pan is dealing with dog barf on my deck or the stench of an algae-coated fish tank.
I swear these kids have a copy of Getting To Yes stashed somewhere. I really must read it one of these days.
***Grossness Alert: if you're squeamish, click away immediately. However, if you enjoy a good laugh at someone else's expense, keep reading.
Yesterday I spent an unforgettable 20 minutes cleaning cat poo out of my shower, and this morning my house still smells like sh*t.
My little rascals thought it'd be too hilarious to trap the cat in my walk-in shower (yes this one - remember? My spa-like retreat?). It might have been hilarious except that they forgot about her for several hours and it was only the smell of nasties that reminded us she was in there. She wasn't yowling or even looking remotely guilty about it - just patiently waiting to be let out.
Gagging, I scooped up the pile of poo and flushed it down the toilet. Too grossed out to scrub the shower floor by hand, I alternatively rinsed with the shower head and napalmed the area with pure bleach.
Turns out that while the mess goes away, the stench remains. When Daddy came home, the first thing he smelled was the odorific mélange of feces and bleach.
It ain't pretty. And after 16 hours, it ain't gone yet either.
I'm also pretty sure the people who told me that every kid deserves a puppy, kitty, or other creeping creature are the same ones who also buy my kids toys that make noises. I really must stop listening to them, hmm?
Facebook Comments
16 Comments
 | I'm still working on my husband for a puppy! He has vowed we will NEVER have one. His parents are very very staunch Germans and I'm pretty they brainwashed him into thinking that all dogs are evil and do nothing but make messes. So I'm trying to remind him you train the dog! :) I had one growing up and she was just fine. Anyway, I'm still working on it. I will never stop the blinky blinky begging sessions! |
 | I'm alternating between laughing at your cat's ingenuity (that's what you get for sticking me in the shower stall!) and feeling bad for the cat for being stuck in there in the first place. Oh and you too, for having to clean up and live through the residual smell. :-) |
 | I LOVE pets! But my parents limited my brother and I to 1 dog when we were growing up LOL :) |
 | @Ali - famous last words, my friend. Famous last words! |
 | Poor kitty! Growing up, my brother and I were horrible to our pet cat! (It was more him than me though haha). He would squirt the water gun at the cat- but we weren't too bad though! |
 | This is so so disgusting! But hilarious. This is a prime example why I never want pets!! |
Add Comment:
Related Articles
Previous Articles
