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Mommy Memoirs: No, Every Child Does Not Deserve a Puppy for Christmas

Posted by Claire | Thursday November 10, 201118 comments

If you're a parent, you know that things don't always go exactly according to Plan.

(Heck, if you're a parent, you probably tossed the Plan years ago.  I mean, let's just get real for a sec.)

Somehow we went from a strict "No Pet Household" policy to an "Okay, absolutely no more than 20 pets at once - and I really mean it this time" policy.

In truth, I'm not actually 100% on the number.  It might be higher than that.  We're talking 2 dogs, 1 cat, 13 fish, and at least 4 tadpoles.  Those tiny buggers are hard to keep tabs on.

The only way I agreed to any of this was the understanding that I would not have to feed, clean up after, drive to the vet, or otherwise acknowledge the existence of any of these pets - that was to be the responsibility of the innocent-eyed children who had their way with Daddy following a Blinky Blinky begging sesh.

However, they've somehow got me doing all of the above chores.  It might have something to do with the fact that the only thing grosser than cleaning the litter pan is dealing with dog barf on my deck or the stench of an algae-coated fish tank.

I swear these kids have a copy of Getting To Yes stashed somewhere.  I really must read it one of these days. 

***Grossness Alert: if you're squeamish, click away immediately.  However, if you enjoy a good laugh at someone else's expense, keep reading.

Yesterday I spent an unforgettable 20 minutes cleaning cat poo out of my shower, and this morning my house still smells like sh*t.

My little rascals thought it'd be too hilarious to trap the cat in my walk-in shower (yes this one - remember?  My spa-like retreat?).  It might have been hilarious except that they forgot about her for several hours and it was only the smell of nasties that reminded us she was in there.  She wasn't yowling or even looking remotely guilty about it - just patiently waiting to be let out.

Gagging, I scooped up the pile of poo and flushed it down the toilet.  Too grossed out to scrub the shower floor by hand, I alternatively rinsed with the shower head and napalmed the area with pure bleach.

Turns out that while the mess goes away, the stench remains.  When Daddy came home, the first thing he smelled was the odorific mélange of feces and bleach. 

It ain't pretty.  And after 16 hours, it ain't gone yet either.

I'm also pretty sure the people who told me that every kid deserves a puppy, kitty, or other creeping creature are the same ones who also buy my kids toys that make noises.  I really must stop listening to them, hmm?
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on January 12, 2012  Sarah.ver  403 said:

My mom got the same deal.

on November 21, 2011  Suelyn  2,249 said:

No cat in the house :(

on November 19, 2011  ellstar  4,814 said:

My brother locked one of my cats in the closet when he was 8, for "fun" and imagine how fun it was to find a terrified kitten in the closet 8 hours later after coming back from school and after-school care. It's a miracle she didn't run away and never come back!

on November 16, 2011  Chick78961  896 said:

This is so funny but is one of the reasons we have a "No Pet Household".

on November 14, 2011  Selden said:

I’m still learning
from you, but I’m trying to reach my goals. I definitely love reading
everything that is written on your blog.Keep the aarticles coming. I loved

on November 13, 2011  GlamGal  2,378 said:

Well, that really is not nice! Your kids are lucky they got so many pets.....I want that book "Getting To Yes" anyone have any experience with it!? :)

on November 11, 2011  Aliza  13,970 said:

Wow. I share a similar story with my cat taking a nap in my gym bag and my bag now stinking of urine. Anytime I put anything in there it inevitably smells like urine to me. Oh pets! The things we put up with..

on November 10, 2011  mamaluv  STAFF said:

@Becky "that's what you get for sticking me in the shower stall!" I'm pretty sure that's exactly what she was thinking. It's hard to read cat face, but I'm certain I could detect mega smugness.

on November 10, 2011  Bren  25,110 said:

I have always grown up with pets my whole family are animal lovers so we learnt young that to get a pet we had to take care of them and clean up after them.I however hear you about the stench!My new kitten can clear a room and that's him using his litter box.If its still smelly you can try sprinkle baking soda in there for a few hours and then wash with either hot water and vinegar or hot water and hydrogen peroxide good luck.

on November 10, 2011  takoda  28,644 said:

Oh Ali, we've all said that at one point. You'll see one Jake will look
up at you with his beautiful eye's and the next thing you'll know you'll
have pets running around your house too.LOL

Claire I feel for you I really do. Takoda has a bad habit of barfing
where ever he happens to be standing at the time, witch is usually
somewhere in my house. Just last week he was sleeping on our bed when
out of no where he stood up and was about to take a dump! Its a good
thing both my husband and I were sitting there at the time, or it would
have bin one yack of a mess. He's never done that before and I hope he
never gets it in his head to try it again!! We also had cats and fish at
one time too. I hated cleaning out the fish tank and the cat box was no
joy either.

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