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How To Survive Your First Brazilian Wax

Posted by Alexandra C. | Tuesday October 8, 201313 comments


I like to think I'm a tough cookie. I like to think of myself as a Rooney Mara badass type of chick who can kick ass and take names. Truth? Not so much. I'm more of a Care Bear softie gal. Hence the reason I've never been professionally waxed. On the legs, underarms or any other dark nether region. I will be the first to openly admit that I'm a giant wussy baby who will cry if you pinch me. 
 
Another reason why I've never been to get professionally waxed? In the leg, arm and specifically in that other dark nether region? A woman hasn't been that close to my goodies since I was in diapers and I've kind of always aimed to keep it that way. Am I wrong to think that it's kind of TERRIFYING?! You willingly get hairs from one of the most sensitive places on your body ripped out at the roots, and this is done by some random stranger?! Why hasn't the government been informed of this torture?!

Here's the thing no one tells you about your goodies though: shaving sucks. You get mad ingrown hairs and it's freakin' itchy when it grows back! Plus it's like some sort of acrobatic Olympic competition to shave in the shower. Ain't nobody got time for that. 

In all honesty, I would go all Jungle Jane and rock a 70's vibe (to borrow a Gwenyth Paltrow phrase). Sidenote: ladies, if this is your choice, go for it, I support you. However, I do enjoy the look of a clean bikini waxed netherland better, so I have put up with the ingrown hairs, itchiness and general unpleasantry. 

When Allure Body Bar invited me to come in and try their 'Quickzillian' service (think Brazilian but, well, quicker), I, with some hesitation, agreed. At the very least, I thought, it would make a good article? 

On my way to Allure, the scene from 40 Year Old Virgin kept repeating in my head. I wondered if I too, would yell out a pop star's name when the waxer ripped the strips off. I couldn't help but feel there might be some expletives involved. When I met the woman who would be inflicting pain upon my sensitive bidness though, I was immediately put at ease. Alas, no longer "the woman who inflicts pain" to me, was super friendly and welcoming and made me feel like even if I did let out a big f bomb, she wouldn't be too put off by it. 


At Allure Body Bar: You Grow It, They Mow It! Somehow this made me feel a lot more relaxed. 
 
I should mention that I felt the same way a lot of you do when it comes to this subject: embarrassed. I was half expecting to walk into the room and be laughed at for my weird looking, hairy yoohoo. That's probably why I was always under the assumption that Brazillian waxes were done in the dark. I don't know why I thought this, but for some reason it made perfect sense to me that this seemingly illicit activity would be as hidden as possible. Here's something I Learned: they are done in broad daylight (probably because the aesthetician actually needs to see what they're doing, d'uhhh) and you have to lie there spread eagle with your lady bits all up in the air for all to see. Here's the thing you need to remember: this person has seen a ton of vajayjay and yours is nothing new. Plus, this wasn't my first brush with public nudity (read here). So after a few seconds of deep breathing and remembering that this was a pro, I let go of my inhibitions.

As she brushed on the warm wax (surprisingly soothing I might add), I was nervous. She pressed on the cloth strip and I was more nervous. Then she instructed me to move my leg a certain way and to inhale deeply and hold my breathe until she told me to exhale. In a state of fear for my life, I did everything she told me and as I exhaled, she ripped that muslin cloth off. 

And.... 

It wasn't so bad. Maybe it was that I had built up all these imaginary expectations, fears and anxieties. Maybe it was just the quick technique that the salon used. Or maybe it's that I'm more Rooney Mara than I had originally thought, but after the initial shock and a few seconds of pain, it was all over. And those few seconds of pain? I could totally take those on. I was a total badass! 30 minutes later, I was all hairfree in my bits and feeling pretty good about myself. I actually think this may become a regular thing for me!

However, if they ask me to come back for an underarm wax....I'm busy for the forseeable future. 
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7 Comments

on October 11, 2013  layalxo  2,468 said:

I'm a shaver, although I've always wanted to get a wax. I will go...eventually...

on October 11, 2013  Tara Sikora said:

Hahaahaha - I just love your writing style-YOU'RE SO FUNNY!!!! I'm, but ya, no Brazilian waxing here.....ouch!!!

on October 10, 2013  imfeehily  8,865 said:

I'll sill stick to shaving :)

on October 10, 2013  ems001  8,170 said:

My best advice is this (and I get Brazilians once a month):

Find a salon where they know what they are doing and are fast, there is nothing worse than a slow brazilian wax - ask other people where they go, for suggestions.

Take 2 Tylenols before - it might help, even if it is a placebo effect.

Make sure you breathe and not flex your body, it will make it worse.

Afterwards, take a somewhat colder shower, if you can - it will help soothe the area and you can get the excess pieces of wax off.

on October 09, 2013  takoda  28,497 said:

I actually have a pretty high tolerance to pain, but for some reason this still scares the hell out of me as well. I think I'd have to have a really good reason to go for this, like a surprise three month trip to any where it stay's over 80 year around and that's not likely to happen any time soon.

on October 08, 2013  GamerJen86  891 said:

Thank you for this article. Going for a wax is an idea I have been toying with for quite a while but have had the same anxieties on the experience that you had. I am feeling a little more comfortable with the idea hearing how it went with you, especially since it is not a topic many people openly discuss (which is why I am sure that there are so many false expectations over the experience). Greatly appreciated :)

on October 08, 2013  fredamans  11,163 said:

I am a shaver for much the same reason as you... I'm a wimp. After reading your experience, I am a little more open to the idea, just not ready to take the plunge.

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