Before my baby boy was born I got a lot of advice.  I still continue to receive a lot of (unsolicited) advice.  But no one told me the following super important details I am about to share with you. You're Welcome, in advance.

1. Don't buy a nursing bra with underwire.  Unless you like blocked milk ducts. 
The busty woman at the bra store turned me away from a really nice soft t-shirt bra, saying I'd much prefer the black lace underwire one in the long haul.  That was a lie and I pay for it every time I wear it.  Which is when my other much more appropriate bras are in the wash.

2. Even if you lose all of your pregnancy weight, your body is not the same. 
I have been suffering for 5 months with pants that won't quite do up even though the scale (the liar) tells me I'm the same weight as before.  Apparently your body changes in mysterious ways, so don't feel bad when you have to buy new clothes.  It's a perfectly legitimate and excellent excuse.


3. Your baby is the cutest in the world. 
Thank you, God. I was worried about the cuteness factor before my son was born, what with the large heads my husband and I have and there are also some nose issues going on.  It turns out I had no need to worry as he is in fact the cutest baby in the world.  Apparently all Moms feel that way (but of course in my case it is the truth!).

4. Nursing is not the most natural thing ever.
Every prenatal class, every book you read, and every time you see a mother peacefully nursing her baby you are being brainwashed into believing that breastfeeding is the easiest most natural thing ever. It is not. It is the hardest thing ever. That's why there are highly paid professionals called Lactation Consultants that charge upwards of $100/hour.  It is worth it, and I highly recommend you get one. 

5. Sleeping Through the Night is a myth. 
Did you know that 5 hours consecutive sleep is considered 'sleeping through the night'?  So if your baby falls asleep at 8pm and gets up at 1am, congratulations!!  Your baby has achieved this major milestone and now you should have more energy than ever! Except of course, you went to bed at 11.  And from this point forward, Junior will be up every two hours wanting to play, eat and whatnot.

6. Babysitters don't grow on trees. 
I honestly don't know what I thought would happen when I wanted a night out with my husband, to attend a meeting or just get a manicure.  In my mind's eye, a capable, warm babysitter would somehow just appear and all we'd have to do is pay the hourly rate and slip away.  Apparently, you have to do months of research and interviews and stuff to find these people.  I have done none of this.  So if I need to go somewhere, I beg favours from my friends who have babies the same age as mine.  Seems ideal, but I do feel guilty thinking of them with two tiny tots under 6 months - especially when mine poops with such force the blast has been known to go up to his elbows and down to his socks.

7. Once you have your baby, that is all you can talk about. 
It's like everything else that I knew or that interested me is no longer relevant. When I get together with my friends or even meet a stranger at the grocery store, all I want to talk about is my baby:

"So, ya his poo is brown now. Totally different consistency." 

"He's the cutest baby you've ever seen?  I completely agree with you."

"The Doctor says he's in the 90th percentile for height - and for head size.  What percentile is your baby?"

I'm supposed to still be tweeting and keeping up with my 'followers', but when I sit there and think of what to say the above pops into my head.  And so I close my Twitter and open my camera app instead to take hundreds of pictures of my baby. 

I'm sure at some point I'll want to discuss other important subjects with you but for now, this is my favourite one.