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The Pregnancy Diaries: My Fly is Undone (and you don't even know it)

Posted by Ali | Tuesday January 18, 20119 comments

As I sit here with my pants unzipped (and thankfully no one has noticed), I am desperate for 2 things: 

1. A snack that is preferably a bowl of chocolate ice cream or a toaster waffle;

2. Internet television.  Me, wrapped in a blanket sitting with my laptop watching ideally something shallow and meaningless like Days of Our Lives or The Bachelor.  I'd even be willing to watch Toddlers And Tiaras so I could practice what kind of parent I won't be. 

Make that 3 things:

3. Pants that do up all the way.

No one tells you that in the early stages of pregnancy when you aren't even showing you won't be able to wear stockings or do up your fly.  Do you know what it feels like to have an open zipper pressing against your uterus? It's cold.  It's jagged.  It's... breezy.

Other things pressing on my mind right now instead of work:

1. The smell of your lunch disgusts me. 

2. The smell of my lunch disgusts me.

3. I fell up the stairs this morning and then accidentally sat on someone's lap on the streetcar on the way to work.  Does the clumsy really start now already??

4. I resent you for flaunting your double cappuccino in my face because apparently I'm not supposed to be drinking those anymore.

5. Yes, I have been farting all afternoon.  I'm sorry, but I can't help the gas.

XO, Mommy-to-be
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9 Comments

on March 03, 2011  desiree  153 said:

i craved pizza and sweet pickles

on February 03, 2011  make-up junkie  3,422 said:

LOL This post is just hilarious! I often walk around with my pants unzipped because hell - I need to come to terms that my pre-pregnancy jeans just won't cut it anymore! This is my 2nd pregnancy and I am so the cliche pregnant woman - I think I finished a jar of pickles in a matter of days and ice cream is always in my fridge. Although I have not tried the two together...hmm...but right now I want a good ol' choco bar. And the first few weeks I was all over the perogies. Don't get me started on the gas...not cute...

on January 26, 2011  A pregnant lady said:

Everyone's experience is different, but I can tell you right now that you have no control over what you crave. When I'm not pregnant I'm quite a healthy eater, but with a baby on the way all I want is bland carbs. When you're feeling sick you can't force feed yourself vegetables just because it's better for you or you'll probably throw it up. Trust me.

Pregnancy Diaries Lady, you wear those pants open! You eat those toaster waffles! I support you

on January 18, 2011  LaurenBlair  128 said:

Haha @Dolce_bellissima - When you're pregnant I'm sure you'll be able to convince yourself that anything is healthy for you ;)

on January 18, 2011  dolce_bellissima  4,214 said:

I hope I will only crave healthy stuff :) I don't want to be one of those pregnant ladies that uses being pregnant as an excuse to eat as much junk food as possible.

on January 18, 2011  jchang212  91 said:

Now I know what to expect! :)

I remember one of our English teachers in highschool had cravings for chocolate ice cream with Kimchi cup-noodles... and eggplant.

I wonder what I will crave...
if it's bitter-melon, I'll know that I'm going crazy.

on January 18, 2011  mamaluv  STAFF said:

When I was pregnant I craved pierogies and fried onions.

Waitasec - I still crave them!

on January 18, 2011  Ali de Bold  STAFF said:

Um, so do I! I thought pregnant women were supposed to crave pickles and ice cream or weird stuff like that. Hilarious!

on January 18, 2011  mamaluv  STAFF said:

I want chocolate ice cream and a toaster waffle now. Thanks a lot.

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