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The Pregnancy Diaries: Things You Shouldn't Wear While Pregnant

Posted by Ali | Monday June 6, 20118 comments

This list is without exception. If you don't listen to me and do it, you will feel badly about yourself, and pregnant ladies aren't supposed to feel badly about themselves. We're supposed to glow. I'll cut to the chase...


...Attempt to pull on your pre-preggy jeans just to "see how far they'll go." I got mine up to my knees at six months and it took a lot of sweat and effort to get them that far. When you are bent over with your bum in the air, red faced and huffing, and you catch your pitiful reflection in the mirror realizing there isn't a hope or a prayer of getting them on, it will destroy you a little bit that day.

...Try on a bathing suit. It doesn't matter if it's the cutest maternity bathing suit in the whole world, you will feel like a whale. I consider myself an optimist. I always believed that it's just a matter of finding the right size and I could look cute as a button in a sweet little black and white one piece with my little bun. Unfortunately, yesterday when I put this theory to the test, there was a mirror from behind reminding me that eight months of eating ice cream every day has it's consequences. Specifically increasing my butt and thighs two-fold. I can't even talk about the cellulite. This summer I will opt for pants and T-shirt if I must swim.

...Try on a close-fitting dress with thin fabric. Now that the weather in Toronto is finally warm, my nine months pregnant friend and I were at a maternity boutique trying on little dresses. Cute, colourful little numbers in poppy reds, yellows and pinks. They looked adorable from the front—but only from the front.  When we turned around it was clear there was more than VPL going on. Try VCD. Visible Cellulite Dimples.  Nothing cute about that. Said dresses were quickly removed and we both left the boutique feeling not awesome.
Note: There is such a thing as pregnancy Spanx, but you might not want the extra layer in the summer.

...Put on heels. Why bother? You will only end up torturing yourself because pregnant feet plump up like fat little sausages—especially in the heat. When expecting, old lady shoes are the way to go. Flats aren't enough.  You need shoes with orthotics in them, or at least some decent arch support. Don't be surprised if you find you go up a size, in some cases permanently. 

I am currently on the market for a good pair of moccasins or boat shoes, though I should confess I just bought the heels, above. They are Hush Puppies and therefore I consider them the only practical exception. Agreed?

Do try on your pre-pregnancy bras. You will feel like a porn star. If you've never had cleavage before, this is the twins' time to shine. Going up a bra size (or several) will hopefully offset some of the clothing calamities outlined above.

Have any embarrassing pregnancy clothes stories?
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on June 06, 2011  jskim07  50 said:

@Bubblybunny, that's a great tip! Sometimes you never know which items are splurges, and which you can get away with buying cheaper. Though I'm not pregnant, I think that advice will definitely stick with me for when I do become with child. :)

on June 06, 2011  Bubblybunny  4,709 said:

I second the preggie undies. :) They are super comfortable and they still fit well even though I'm back to pre-pregger weight.

When I bought my maternity shirt, I looked for ones that I can still wear after I loose the weight. They are mostly form fitting t-shirts or ones with stretch waist that will expand/shrink with you. After having my babies, I wore mostly my nursing tops but now, I can dig out some of my old maternity favs and still look good in them.

If you are thinking of buying maternity tops, my suggestion is to splurge a bit. I went the cheap route the first time around and also bought the bare minimum. I was miserable b/c I looked bad and I had to wash my clothes all the time. Then I bought a few really cute, good quality shirts which I wear when I go out with my babes. I was much happier b/c I looked GOOD!!! I left the ugly cheap ones at home for lounging around. :)

on June 06, 2011  Ali de Bold  STAFF said:

Well then Mamaluv, I am one of your rants because I've only bought a few actual maternity pieces. I've found a lot of great stuff that is not maternity but stretchy and I know will still work once baby is born. BTW the maternity swimsuit I tried on was one size up from my normal size and it still gives me shudders to think of how I looked in it. I probably needed the large.

on June 06, 2011  mamaluv  STAFF said:

I want to clarify that there is a difference between buying maternity underwear and regular underwear in a larger size. Maternity undies (and clothing too) are tailored for a pregnant body which gains weight in a different way than someone becoming bigger for other reasons. This is why if you are a "small" in regular life, you should buy a small (or "medium" at the most) in maternity wear. The maternity undies are quite stretchy, so even when you're not pregnant (like me), the underwear fits reasonably close to your usual size because you bought it in your usual size (maternity version).

That gets me on another rant about women who just buy larger clothing instead of springing for maternity pieces. You will need larger clothing for several months post-partum and maternity wear will be most forgiving and truer to your size than just buying larger regular clothes. Remember: your arms don't get any longer or your shoulders any broader from pregnancy, but larger-sized clothing often make that assumption!

Important qualification: if you gain a lot more than the typical 30 (give or take 10 lbs) pounds during your pregnancy, my advice might not be quite so applicable. In my 3 pregnancies I gained 40, 30, and 22 pounds respectively and that worked for me.

on June 06, 2011  Ali de Bold  STAFF said:

Mamaluv, you speak the truth! I can't believe I forgot to mention it. There is some shame (and sadness) of buying underwear that is several sizes larger than pre-pregnancy, but it's worth it. Not only does it reduce VPL, you will be much more comfortable without the 'double bum' look.

on June 06, 2011  mamaluv  STAFF said:

I forgot to mention that unless you're wearing Fruit of the Loom panties, if you're trying to stick with your Victoria's Secret underwear (full-bottomed, boyshort, or whatever) they will ride a wedgie up your behind like nobody's business. It's not just the thong wearers who need to beware!

on June 06, 2011  mamaluv  STAFF said:

No embarrassing stories, just a piece of advice. DO buy the preggie undies. I have a few (liar-pants) girlfriends who claimed they stuck with their pre-preggie thongs, but when your butt has grown a size or 4, you will never find that little floss between your cheeks again. I bought some very comfy cotton panties that you wear below the belly (see? I'm not suggesting you buy the coverall undies!) and they were so awesome... that I still wear 'em!

on June 06, 2011  TammyK  1,073 said:

I absolutely love those shoes. They look really hot!

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